哈佛大学幸福课第十课中英文讲义.doc

(完整)哈佛大学幸福课第十课中英文讲义
哈佛大学幸福课第十课中英文讲义
早上好 今天要讲的是变化
Hi，good morning！ So today’s lecture is about change。
今天很多事都会发生变化
And things are going to change today.
我们之间的关系会发生变化 敬请关注啊
Our relationship is going to change today.So stay tuned。
上节课
Last time，
上节课结束的时候 我们谈到很多种不同变化
last time we ended by talking about the different kinds of change
第一种方式 是渐进式的
The first approach—the gradual approach,
好像滴水穿石
like water wearing down stone，
要花时间的一点一点 慢慢的
chipping away gradually slowly taking our time。
第二种方式 是突发式的
The second approach—the acute change，
好像用大锤开山劈石
the sledge hammer breaking stone creating a new pathway，
凿出一条路 一个隧道
a new channel.
对于这两种变化 或是所有形式的变化
The important thing to keep in mind with both forms of changes,
必须要注意的是
with all form of change,
我们讲的重点是要将变化持续下去
lasting change that is，which is what we are about。
而不是突然一变之后又恢复原状
Not just the spike and the return to base level.
因此要注意的是
The thing to keep in mind about change
变化既不是药到病除的灵丹妙药
is that neither is quick-fix。
即便当我们举起大锤
Even when we pick up that sledge hammer,
就是这举起来的动作
even when we pick it up,
也需要我们在之前做很多准备的功夫
we need to do a lot of work before the preparation.
因此 举例来说 渐进式的变化
So for example,gradual change，
包括每天都做感恩练习
slow change would be doing the gratitude exercise everyday,
慢慢成为一个更容易找寻美好的人
slowly becoming more and more of a benefit finder，
逐渐的看到更多积极的事物
gradually looking more at the positive，
一点一点的构建起新的神经通路
creating a new neural pathway neuron by neuron.
还记得我们之前说过的两个重要概念
Remember neuroplasticity and neurogenesis—
神经塑性和新生神经元吗？
two very important concepts
因为通过了解和理解我们大脑的变化
because just by knowing by understanding that our brain changes
我们自身也将更容易产生变化
that in and of itself makes us more likely to change。
Carol Dweck做过相关研究
And this is work done by Carol Dweck,
我们之后谈到完美主义的时候还会提到她
whom I'll discuss in future courses when we discuss perfectionism
另外大锤的例子和探索经验是一回事
And then the sledge hammer example is like the Eureka experience,
真知灼见不是凭空产生的 而是经过
the great insight that doesn't come in a vacuum。
长时间准备后千锤百炼而得来的
It comes after a lot of hard work after a lot of preparation。
大家都知道所谓的灵感来自于99%的汗水
You know the 99% of perspiration that leads to that inspiration。
所以说 没有灵丹妙药 而且
So no quick—fix.And the believe in quick—fix，
正是那种对灵丹妙药的笃信和渴求
the expectation of the quick—fix that is one of the reasons
导致了今天抑郁症如此高发频发
why levels of the depression are so high today,
因为大家都很郁闷 很失望
because people are frustrated.They are disappointed。
发现灵丹妙药不管用的时候
They think there’s something wrong with them
就觉得是自己出了问题
when they don’t succeed in the quick—fix.
我在书里也写了 很可能他们认为
But they have just,I just write in the book that it’s possible。
"如果做完这五件事 我的人生就会美满了”
If I do these five things，I'd be happy for the rest of my life.
结果五件事做完 我却没有变得更快乐
And I do these five things。And I'm not happier。
于是我就开始怀疑自己
And I begin to question myself。
没有灵丹妙药 任何事都需要时间
No quick-fix.It takes time。
没有所谓什么”幸福生活五步走"
No five easy steps to happiness。
在我们讲变化过程之前
Before we go to the change process，
我们先要理清一些概念
there are a few things we need to understand.
首先我们要问的是
The first thing to understand is this.
我 或者你 真的想要改变吗?
Do I,do you really want to change?
我是不是真的想要改善我的个性
Do I really want to improve certain things in my personality…
或者我不喜欢的性格或行为
things that… or character，or behavior，things that I don't like.
这不是一个无关紧要的问题
And it's not a trivial question.
也不是象征性地问自己一下
It is not a rhetorical question
因为表面上我们可能会说当然了
because very often on the conscious level we maybe saying yes，
但是潜意识里却有东西在阻挠我们
but on the subconscious level something is stopping us.
我给大家举个例子吧
Let me show you an example。
早在80年代的时候 Langer
So this is the study done by Langer and，
和Thompson曾做过一个实验
and Thompson back in the 80s。
这个实验是这样的
And here is what they did。
他们找来一些学生或参与实验的人
They brought students in or participants in。
然后问这些人
And they asked them
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他们想不想要摆脱自己性格的某个方面
whether they wanted to get rid of certain characteristics，
比如说古板 或者容易轻信别人
like rigidity，or being gullible，or grimness.
或是冷酷 他们问这些人
And they asked them
想不想要摆脱这些性格
whether they wanted to get rid of these characteristics
想不想在这方面变的更好
and whether they succeeded in becoming better in this area.
是不是真的能改变自己 即是说
Were you able to introduce change，
如果改变对于你来说真的很重要
so were you able to actually become less rigid,
那你能不能最终变得不那么古板
if this was important for you to change,
不那么容易轻信别人 不那么冷酷
or less gullible，or less grim？
这就是他们最初问的两个问题
So this is the first two questions that they asked.
想不想改善 想不想改变
Did you want to improve it？ Did you wanna change this？
第二个问题 能不能改变
The second question – were you successful?
然后 在他们问了这些问题之后
And then after they answered these questions,
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实验还有第二个阶段 在这个阶段
there was the second part of the study
他们让这些人去评估
where they asked them to evaluate the positive，
评估下列正面性格 比如
the,the following positive characteristics。
言行一致对于你来说是否重要
Consistency，is it important to you?
值得信赖 是不是重要
Is it important to you to be trustworthy?
以及 被认为是一个严肃认真的人
And how important it is for you
对于你来说有多重要
to be and to be perceived as a serious person？
下面我们来说这个实验的有趣的结果
And here is the interesting finding of this research。
所有给这些正面性格打高分的人
Those individuals who rated the positive traits,
这些黄色的是正面性格
the ones in yellow，who rated them high，
认为这些性格很重要的人
as personally important to them
反而比较不容易去改变自己的负面性格
were less likely to change the negatives。
大家明白这其中的奥妙么?
Do you understand implications of the study?
也就是说 比如
So what is saying is that…
我想要摆脱古板的个性
Let’s say I do wanna get rid of rigidity.
我不喜欢自己那么古板
I don’t like being rigid.
但是 与此同时
However at the same time
言行一致在我看来是非常重要的品格
consistency is a very important value to me.
我反而不容易去改变自己的古板
I'm less likely to change my rigidity
因为在我的意识里 它们是相互关联的
because they are associated in my mind.
对 我不想要古板下去了
And yeah，I don’t want to be rigid.
同时我潜意识里有个小人却在说
But at the same time subconscious talking here。
我想要言行一致
I want to be consistent.
别摆脱古板 因为我把两者结合起来了
Don’t let go of this rigidity because I couple them,
我把两者联系在一起了
I associate them together。
因此不想舍其一
Not wanting to get rid of one
因为我不想把婴儿和洗澡水一起倒掉
because I don't want the baby out with the bath water.
对于我来说两者是紧密相连的
And to me they are linked.
同理 还有轻信和值得信赖
The same with gullibility and trustworthiness。
这两种品质 可以说 值得信赖的人
We can say that
另一方面很容易轻信别人 这种性格
the other side of gullibility someone who’s trustworthy.
极端化以后 人会变得容易轻信别人
Now going to the extreme。I become gullible.
然而 我却不想丢掉轻信别人的习惯
However I don't get rid of my gullibility
因为同时我不想丢掉我值得信赖的优点
because I don’t want to also get rid of my trustworthiness.
同样的例子还有冷酷 我的冷酷
Same with grim。I may be grim
可能在潜意识里正反映出我的严肃认真
but that’s also subconsciously a sign of my seriousness。
很多年来 真的是很久以来
You know for years，literally years,
我在思考分析 并写了很多
when I’ve been thinking and writing
关于完美主义的东西
and analyzing the notion of perfectionism，
我不能理解为什么我自身的情况
I couldn’t understand why it didn’t get better,
长久以来并未好转
for very long time。
因为我知道自己深受完美主义其害
Because I knew perfectionism was hurting me,
我读了研究报告 反省个人经历
I read the research,I look through personal experiences.
我知道完美主义对我百害无益 有损于我的健康
I knew it was hurting me in terms of my well-being for sure，
从长远来看 也阻挠我成功
but also in the long term in terms of my success。And
但是我却摆脱不了它 直到我读了这个报告
yet I couldn't get rid of perfectionism until I read the study。
于是 我问自己
And I asked myself，
'OK 与完美主义相对应的是什么呢’
‘OK，so what is the counterpart to perfectionism?
在我的意识里 它和什么联系在一起？
What’s tied in my mind?
完美主义和什么密切相联呢？
What goes hand in hand for me with perfectionism?’
和它密切相联的是动力和雄心
What goes hand in hand is drive and ambition.
如果我需要自我定义的话 首先要做的
And if I had to define myself，this is one of the first things
定义就是我有动力和雄心抱负
that I would define myself as I’m driven and I’m ambitious.
同时因为我不想失去这些品格
And because I didn’t want to lose these characteristics,
我的潜意识便阻止我
my subconscious didn't let me，
摆脱对完美主义的追求
stopped me from getting rid of the perfectionism，
我对完美主义的定义是
perfectionism which I define as a debilitating fear of failure，
对失败的极度恐惧 失败会阻止我们
failure that prevents us…
我们会用整整一周来讲完美主义
we'll have a whole week on perfectionism.
到时候会讲的更深入一些
So we'll get more in depth if you'll understand what it means.
只有当我明白了这两者之间
And it was only once I understood
的密切关联
that for me these two things go hand in hand,
我才能够把它们拆开 分开
I was able to unpack them，to distinguish them。
我只想保留其一
I said I want to keep one not the other.
再比如 担忧和焦虑
Or for example,worry and anxiety.
其实我已经说过很多次了
Look I’ve mentioned these many times before，
我最终摆脱了焦虑的困扰
next time I'll talk to you about the process
下次我会和大家说说具体的过程
that I underwent to overcome anxiety。
自从很久以前开始
Part of me since the time I can’t remember myself.
我上大学的时候 每当有壁球比赛也好
Being anxious whether it's before matches in squash，
或者是考试也好
whether it's before exams，
或是在分组讨论的时候发言之前
whether it's before speaking up in section
我都会非常焦虑
when I was an undergrad。
我不想再这样下去了 我不想要焦虑
And I wanted to stop that。I didn't want that.
然而 我却丢不掉这种担忧和焦虑
However,I didn’t let go of worry and anxiety
因为我同时很重视责任感
because I also sort with responsibility。
如果我会焦虑 说明我有责任感
Well if I'm anxious，it can mean I'm responsible。
我会在上课前更认真的做准备
So I prepare for class much more
而不是随便糊弄 偷懒
as opposed to just let go and become a slacker.
因此我把焦虑和正面品格责任感联系起来
So I associated a positive trait which is responsibility.
还记得关于Brandon的故事吗
And remember Brandon? No one is coming？
责任感是非常重要的品质
Very important trait,responsibility。
但是它却阻挠我摆脱担忧和焦虑
But that prevented me from letting go.
这都是在潜意识里发生的
Subconscious level，
我之前并没有意识到这些
not conscious of the worry and anxiety that I often experienced.
还有 罪恶感
Guilt。
有好的罪恶感 也有不好的罪恶感
Again there is good guilt,there is bad guilt You know,it is.
我不想摆脱罪恶感 因为
Well，I don’t want to get rid of guilt because what that means
我不想变得对他人冷漠无情
I’m not being empathic and sensitive toward other people.
我们经常会把这两者联系起来
Very often we connect the two..They go hand in hand。
还有一对概念 是精简化
Another couple is the notion of simplifying.
这也是我的切身体会
This is something very personal to me.
我想要减少工作量 因为
I wanted to do less because
我明白同时参与太多活动 有损于
I knew that taking on too many activities was actually hurting me
有损于我的工作效率 创造力和健康
was hurting my productivity,creativity,well—being。
但是我却没办法做到精简
I couldn’t simplify。
为什么呢 因为我将它和失去优势联系起来
Why？ Because I associate it in my mind with losing my edge。
所以我没办法做到精简
So I didn’t let go。
还有我们上周谈到的寻找过错
Or fault-finding，we talked about this a week ago。
为什么人们不能停止寻找过错呢？
Why do people not let go of fault—finding？
为什么要维持悲观的态度呢
Why do they remain pessimistic?
因为他们把寻找过错和现实主义联系起来
Because they connect it with the sense of realism.
我不想放弃这种现实的态度
I don’t wanna stop being realisic。
不想变成一个脱离现实盲目乐观的人
I don't wanna be one of those detached Pollyannas.
因此我不会放弃寻找过错的习惯
And therefore I don't let go of my fault-finding。
幸福
Happiness。
通往幸福路上最大的障碍
One of the most significant barrier to people's happiness
就是人们把幸福和偷懒联系在一起
is that they associate happiness with slacking off，
因为当今文化中最为人所追捧
because the dominant paradigm,
所信奉的真理就是”没有付出就没有回报”
the dominant mantra in our culture today is ‘no pain，no gain.’
如果我现在很快乐 就意味着我不再经历痛苦
If I’m happy now，I ignore experiencing pain.
就意味着我放弃了
It means I'm letting go。
意味着我不会成功
It means I'm not gonna be successful。
意味着我已经失去了棱角
It means I'm gonna lose my edge。
意味着我不再有动力和雄心
It means I'm gonna lose my drive and ambition。
所以我们在潜意识里选择不快乐
So our subconscious prefers to keep,keep us unhappy，
这样的话 我们就不会失去其它珍贵的东西
so that we don’t lose the other things that we value highly，
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比如雄心壮志 比如长处优势
things such as ambition,things such as having an edge,
比如勤奋刻苦
things such as our hard work。
当然 依我们现在来看
Now of course when we look at them
我们知道这些东西并不是密不可分的
we know that they don’t necessarily have to go hand in hand.
正相反 比如说 快乐
On the contrary，for example,happiness,
我们从”拓延—建构"理论中学到
we know from the broaden and build theory，the positive emotions
正面的情绪是和成功联系在一起的
are actually associated with higher levels of success.
等到春假之后 当我们讲到完美主义的时候
Whereas I’ll talk about after spring break,
我会讲一些
when we talk about perfectionism.
从研究中得来的理论
We know from research,
大家可以把这些理论和你们个人联系起来
you'll be able to connect it also in the person。
你们中间有很多人会发现可以
Many of you will be able to connect it in the personal level。
将其和自身联系起来
We know that letting go of this fear of failure and coping，
如果我们能赶走对失败的恐惧 学会面对它
putting ourselves on the line more,
学会冒险 从失败中学习经验
learning from failures looking at it as a,as a stepping stone
将失败看作是未来成功路上的垫脚石
that contributes to our success in the long term。
这些都不意味着我们会相应的
It doesn’t need to take away from our drive
失去动力和雄心抱负
and ambition on the contrary。
克服对失败的恐惧 或担忧焦虑
And the key if we wanna overcome this fear of failure
或罪恶感 或种种不幸福的关键
or the worry/anxiety，or the guilt，or the slack of happiness，
通常 不一定总是 而是通常是关于理解
it’s very often,not always，very often about understanding,
或更好的去理解这些品格的含义
or getting a better understanding of these characteristics.
举个例子
For example,
要理解 我想要摆脱对失败的恐惧感
understanding that I want to let go of my fear of failure,
不是一般的恐惧 而是消磨人意志的恐惧
the debilitating fear of failure,not just fear of failure
因为每个人都在某种程度上害怕失败
because every one is afraid of failure to some extent.
但是要摆脱这种消磨人意志的恐惧
But to let go of the debilitating fear of failure
同时保存我的动力和雄心
and yet maintain my drive/ambition。
就必须要理解两者是密不可分的
So more in nuance understanding that you need to go hand in hand。
又或者 你们知道
Or，I can't,you know，
我以前不会对人说不
I never used to be able to say no to people。
这么短小的一个词 简单的一个词
You know，such a short word，such an easy word，
有时候是那么难以说出口
so difficult at times to say。
为什么？因为我眼中的自己和我希望
Why？ Because I see myself and now I want other people to see me
别人眼中的自己是有同情心的
as empathic as sensitive as under。.as a nice guy。
善解人意的 是老好人 于是
And then I unpack the two.
我把两者拆开了 它们并不一定要
And it really doesn’t have to hand in hand.
连在一起 我可以善解人意的说不
I can say no to people very sensitively
因为很多时候当我对别人说好
because very often when I say yes to others，
我其实同时在对自己说不
I'm saying no to myself，and in the long term，
从长远来看 也是在对亲密关系说不
very often to the relationship。
所以现在我更好更深入的了解了
So now I had a better more nuance understanding of
我什么时候能说不 什么时候不想说
when I can say no and when I don’t want to say no
同时 我还能保留自己的善解人意
while maintaining my sensitivity and my empathy
和同情心 也不必在每次说不的时候
without experiencing the same levels of guilt
感到有种罪恶感
that I experienced before whenever I said no。
这里列出来的每种品格
And the same you can do for everyone of these,
都是可以被拆开的
of these characteristics.
大家可以想想有哪些品性
So think about what if you wanted to change for a very long time
是你很久以前就想改掉 却改不掉的
and weren’t successful in.
对完美主义的追求?
Was it perfectionism？
还是严酷无情？
Was it，you know this very serious grimness？
还是你想变得更顽皮活泼?
And you wanted to be more playful？
也许你并不想摆脱这种个性
Well maybe you didn't want to get rid of it
因为害怕自己会失去严肃认真的品性
because you were afraid of losing you seriousness.
其实你根本不需要失去
And you don't need do.
把婴儿留下 把洗澡水倒掉
The baby can stay,the bath water can go
前提是我们能搞清楚
if we have a more nuan