生活大爆炸第三季第一集剧本.doc

《生活大爆炸》前情回顾
Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
我和莱纳德 沃罗威茨 库萨帕里
I am going to the Arctic Circle
要去北极圈
with Leonard,Walowitz,and Koothrappali.

-去三个月 -没错
- For three months? - Yes.

你说会想我是什么意思
What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?
意思是我不想你走
It means I wish you weren't going.
[三个月后]
谢天谢地 到家了
Oh,thank God we're home.
难以置信我们在那冰冷的地狱呆了3个月
I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.
简直就是个噩梦 梦里漫天飞雪 而又无法醒来
It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening.
我不知道你们对北极考察的感想
I don't know what Arctic expedition you guys were on,
我只觉得意犹未尽
but I thought it was a hoot and a half.
你好 妈妈
Oh,hi,Mom.
不 我说了 到家了再打电话给你
No,I told you I'd call you when I got home.
我还没到家呢
I'm not home yet.
行了 到家了
All right,I'm home.
北极考察非常成功
The Arctic expedition was a remarkable success.
说不定我将来能得一个诺贝尔奖
I'm all but certain there's a Nobel Prize in my future.
其实 不应该这样说
Actually,I shouldn't say that.
我完全确定能得
I'm entirely certain.
不 妈妈 我感觉不到你的教会小组为我祈祷平安
No,Mother,I could not feel your church group praying for my safty.
就算我平安回家也不证明祈祷有效
The fact that I'm home safe does not prove that it worked.
这个逻辑完全是个谬误
The logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc.
不 我没有用爱斯基摩口吻跟你顶嘴
No,I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
我去告诉佩妮我们回来了
I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.
妈妈 我得挂了
Mother,I have to go.
爱你 拜
Yeah,love you. Bye.
好啊 老朋友
Hello,old friend.
爹爹回来了
Daddy's home.
莱纳德 你回来啦
Leonard,you're back.
对 我过来跟你说...
Yeah. I just stopped by to say-- hmph!
-嗨 -嗨
- Yeah. So,hi. - Hi.
妈的 早知道我先来说我们回来了
Damn it,I should have gone over and told her we were back.
就是 先到先得嘛
Yeah,it was first-come,first-serve.
先跟你们俩声明
I just want you both to know,
等我发表我的发现时
When I publish my findings,
我不会忘记你们的付出的
I won't forget your contributions.
-太好了 -谢谢
- Great. - Thanks.
但在诺贝尔领奖感言中不能提及你们
Of course,I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech,
不过写传记时
but when I get around to writing my memoirs,
我会在注脚上提到你们或者给你们一本我签名的传记
you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.
我们得告诉他
We have to tell him.
告诉我什么
Tell me what?
该死的瓦肯听力[星际迷航]
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
你们打算给我办派对 是吧
You fellows are planning a party for me,aren't you?
谢尔顿 坐
Okay,Sheldon,sit down.
如果要搞主题派对的话 先告诉你们
If there's going to be a theme I should let you know
我不喜欢夏威夷式 罗马式和"海底式"
that I don't care for luau,toga or "under the sea."
我们会记在心里
Yeah,we'll keep that in mind. Look...
我们想谈谈在北极发生的一些事
We need to talk to you about something that happened at the North Pole.
如果是说没有暖气那晚的事
If this is about the night the heat went out,
没什么好害臊的
there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
不是那件事
It's not about that.
我们说好不再提这个
And we agreed never speak of it again.
不就是一起裸睡嘛
So we slept together naked.
这只是以防体温骤降而已
It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.
他还真说上了
He's speaking about it.
对我觉得 这可以促进我们的感情
For me,it was a bonding moment.
谢尔顿 你还记得开始几周
Sheldon,you remember the first few weeks
我们在探测磁单极子
We were looking for magnetic monopoles
结果一无所获
And not finding anything and you were acting
你变成面目可憎的大JJ霸主吗
like an obnoxious,giant dictator?
我以为要婉转点跟他说呢
thought we were going to be gentle with him.
所以我才加了霸主
That's why I added the "tator."
接着终于测出一些可用数据时
And then when we finally got our first positive data,
你多高兴啊
you were so happy.
是啊
Oh,yes.
用表情字符表达就是：D[笑脸]
In the world of emoticons,I was colon,capital "D."
其实 你的仪器侦测的数据
Well,in actuality,what your equipment detected
不是范式转变单极子的证据
wasn't so much evidence of paradigm-shifting monopoles
那是...
as it was...
电动开罐刀具的静电
static from the electric can opener
我们在不停开关
we were turning on and off.
他的表情一下变成了：O[惊讶]
He just went colon,capital "O."
你们篡改了我的实验
You tampered with my experiment?
我们别无选择
We had to.
只有这样你才不会变成狄更斯专家（混蛋JJ）
It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian.
懂吗 我加了专家
You see that? I add the "ensian."
莱纳德知道吗
Did Leonard know abouthis?
他是我最好的朋友
Leonard's my best friend in the world.
他肯定不知道
Surely Leonard didn't know.
其实 这是他的主意
Actually,it was his idea.
当然是莱纳德 试验计划是他制定的
Of course it was. The whole plan weeks of Leonard.
-我好想你 -我也好想你
- I missed you so much. - I missed you,too
你不在 我都没想其他人
I couldn't even think of anyone else while you were gone.
我也是
Me,neither.
除了没有暖气那晚
Except for one night when the heat went out.
说来话长 别问了
Long story. It's... Don't ask.
莱纳德
Leonard.
别出声
Do not make a sound.
你在低声说"别出声"
Whispering,"Do not make a sound..."
就出声了
...is a sound.
该死的瓦肯听力
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
现在没空 谢尔顿
Not a good time,Sheldon.
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮 佩妮
Penny. Penny.
啊 真是要命
Oh,this is ridicules.
干嘛
What?
你好 佩妮
Hello,Penny
我明白你现在正完全被最原始的野性冲动所控制
I realize you're currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges,
可是 反正你这辈子还会有无数错误的决定 我能不能打断这一个?
but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you,may I interrupt this one?
我也很高兴见到你 请进
It's great to see you too. Come on in.
沃罗威茨刚告诉我你的那个大骗局
Wolowitz has informed me of your grand deception.
你有没有什么要解释的
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
是的 我对此觉得十分难过
Yes,I feel terrible about it.
我绝不能原谅我自己 我也不准备你会
I will never forgive myself,I don't expect you to,either,
我想你应该让我留在这儿跟佩妮做一下自我检查和深刻忏悔
and I would really appreciate it if you would leave me with Penny for a session of self-criticism and repentance.
啊 你们能不能告诉我究竟是怎么回事儿
Okay,can someone please tell me what's going on here?
事情是 他们让我以为我在科学研究上有了惊天动地的大发现

What's going on is I was lead to believe I was making groundbreaking strides in science,

而事实上 我记录的数据是错的
when in fact,I was being fed
是沃罗威茨和库萨帕里
false data at the hands of Wolowitz,Koothrappali
还有你这个小毛毛孩儿做出来的
and your furry little boy toy.
真的吗
Is that true?
只有这样才能让他高兴啊
It was the only way to make him happy.
可是你干嘛非要让他高兴呢
Well,why'd you have to make him happy?
因为他不高兴的时候 我们都想杀了他
Because when he wasn't happy,we wanted to kill him.
我们甚至有过计划
There was even a plan.
我们打算把他的炉子扔到外头
We were going to throw his kindle outside,
等他出去捡的时候 把门锁上冻死他
and when he went to get it,lock the door and let him freeze to death.
这听起来有点过分吧
That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
这不是 过分的计划是把你四肢绑到
No,the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs
四队雪撬狗上 然后大喊"驾"
to four different sled dog teams and yell,"Mush."
听者 我们保存了原始数据
Look,we kept the original data.
你还是可以发表你的结果
You can still publish the actual results.
但是本来的结果失败了啊
Yes,but the actual results are unsuccessful
而我已经给大学里所有人发了电邮
and I've already sent an e-mail to everyone at the university
告诉他们我证实了弦理论
explaining that I have confirmed string theory
并且永远地改变了人类对宇宙的认识
and forever changed man's understanding of the universe.
啊 真是 唉 你也许不该这么做的
Aw,see,yeah,you probably shouldn't have done that.
那就再写一封 告诉他们真相
So write another e-mail. Set the record straight.
没什么大不了的
It's no big deal.
你说得对 莱纳德
You're right,Leonard.
没什么大不了的
It's not a big deal.
你不过是欺骗了我 摧毁了我的梦想
All you did was lie to me,destroy my dream
并且在全校人面前羞辱了我
and humiliate me in front of the whole university.
这个 告诉你 是讽刺
That,FYI,was sarcasm.
事实上 我相信这是很大很大的事情
I,in fact,believe it is a big deal.
哦 多可怜啊
Oh,the poor thing.
是啊 我很难过
Yeah,I feel terrible.
等等 你不去跟他谈谈吗
Wait wait,aren't you going to go talk to him?
什么 呃 他没事的
What? Uh,he'll be fine.
那家伙很坚强的 过来么
The guy's a trooper. Come here.
你说的对 你是不该跟他谈
No,you're right-- you shouldn't talk to him.
该我来
I will.
天哪 我怎么就没一点好运呢
Man,I cannot catch a break.
想聊聊吗
Do you want to talk?
聊什么
About what?
聊我是怎么被朋友欺骗的吗
Being betrayed by my friends?
毫无意义地在北极呆了三个月
Spending three months at the North Pole for nothing?
我连动漫展都没去成
And I didn't even get to go to Comic-Con!
哦 亲爱...
Oh,hon...
嗯 软软的猫猫 温温的猫猫...
Uh... Soft kitty,warm kitty...
那是我生病时候唱的 伤心不是生病
That's for when I'm sick. Sad is not sick.
对不起
Oh. Sorry.
我不知道你伤心的歌啊
I don't know your sad song.
我没有伤心的歌 我又不是小孩儿
I don't have a sad song. I'm not a child.
你知道么 我其实理解你的心情
Well,you know,I do understand what you're going through.
真的吗
Really?
你刚刚被人抢走了服务员的
Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing
诺贝尔奖吗
stolen from you?
没有 不过我高三的时候
Well,no,but when I was a senior in high school,
我的一个朋友听说
one of my friends heard
我会被选为啦啦队的队长
I was going to be named head cheerleader.
哦 我那个高兴啊
Oh,I was so excited.
我妈甚至给我烤了一个庆祝馅饼
My mom even made me a celebration pie.
结果他们把队长给了那个笨透了的瓦丽瑞·马斯巴赫
Then they named stupid Valerie Mosbacher head cheerleader.
那个贱货
Big old slutbag.
你是说你认为"庆祝馅饼"能跟诺贝尔奖相提并论吗
Are you saying that you think a "celebtion pie" is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize?
嗯 那馅饼很好吃呢
Well,they're pretty tasty.
还有一个不同的 但并非完全无关的事情
And on a different,but not unrelated topic,
就看你现在对我的鼓励方式
based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits,
你难道真相信你能胜任拉拉队长的工作吗
do you truly believe that you were ever fit to be a cheer leader?
听着 谢尔顿 我只是不认为莱纳德他们真想伤害你
Look,Sheldon,I just don't think that the guys and Leonard really meant to hurt you.
你明白吗 他们只是为了摆脱困境而撒了个很糟的谎
You know? They just told an unfortunate lie to deal with a difficult situation.
好吧 你知道是什么样吗
Okay,you know what it's like?
记得那个新的《星际迷航》电影里
Remember that scene in the new Star Trek movie
柯克要占领飞船
when Kirk has to take over the ship,
他就对史波克说了很多谎
so he tells Spock all that stuff he knew wasn't true,
比如说史波克不在乎他妈妈的死之类的
like saying Spock didn't care his mom died?
我错过了动漫展 连新的《星际迷航》电影也错过啦
I missed Comic- Con and the new Star Trek movie!
我喜欢你的新造型
I like the new look.
谢谢
Thanks.
我称之为"克鲁尼" [著名演员]
I call it "the Clooney."
我称之为"玛丽和路易" [超级玛丽游戏系列] 不过无所谓
I call it "the Mario and Luigi but whatever.
嘿 谢尔顿怎么样了
Hey,how's sheldon doing?
他早上从他房间出来 时带着黑武士头盔想用“能量”砍死我
Well,he came out of his room this morning wearing his Darth Vader helmet and trying to chop me to death with the "force"
所以我觉得他好点了
so I would say "a little better."
请原谅我突然改变我们的话题
If I may abruptly change the subject,
你最终有没有跟佩妮那样
did you and Penny finally... you know.
-霍华德 -我本人是不关心
- Howard... - Personally,I don't care, but my genitals wanted me to ask.
但是我的小弟弟叫我问你，告诉你的小弟弟我跟佩妮的进展不关他的事
Well tell your genitals what I do with Penny is none of their business.
他说他们没发生那种事
He says they didn't do it.
谢尔顿 这边
Sheldon,over here.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
我替他难过
well,I feel bad for the guy.
谢尔顿 你为什么单独坐在那里
Sheldon,why are you sitting by yourself?
因为我没有朋友
Because I am without friends.
我就像德国童谣唱的奶酪一样 独自生存
Like the proverbial cheese,I stand alone.
[德语]独自就座
Evenhile seated.
拜托 我们向你道歉了
Come on. We said we we sorry.
你的一句"我很抱歉"和从佩妮店里面买的道歉馅饼都不能抵消你们对我犯下的罪行
It's going to take more than an "I'm sorry"and a store-bought apology pie from Penny to make up for what you've done to me.
嘿 库珀
Hey,Cooper.
我看到了你发的收回信
Read your retraction email.
这下你的名誉可毁了
Way to destroy your reputation.
看到了吧
You see?
整个早上人们一直指指点点嘲笑我
People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
不光是今天早上
That's not true.
人们一直都在指指点点嘲笑你
People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.
好了 我受够了
All right,I've had enough.
各位请注意
Attention,everyone.
我是谢尔顿·库珀博士
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
正如你们中的许多来自物理系的人所知
As many of you in the physics department might know,
我的事业轨迹出现了小小的曲折
my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.
坠下了悬崖
Off a cliff.
我的名誉多少受到了点损坏
My credibility may have been damaged
彻底损坏了
Completely wrecked.
但是我想提醒各位的是
But I would like to remind you that in science,
在科学领域不存在失败
there's no such thing as failure.
曾有一个人因为
There once was a man who was referred to his prediction
他对一个宇宙常数的预测而被称为他事业中的最大错误
of a cosmological constant as the single "biggest blunder"
这个人的名字就是
of his career. That man's name was--
你们猜 你们猜
surprise,surprise--
爱因斯坦
Albert Einstein.
但是暗能量的研究
Yeah,but research into Dark Energy
证明爱因斯坦的宇宙常数
proved that Einstein's cosmological constant
是一直正确的 所以你仍然是一个
was actually right all along,so you're still--
你们猜 你们猜
surprise,surprise--
失败者
a loser.
哦 你以为你很聪明
Oh,you think you're so clever.
但是 让我来告诉你
Well,let me just tell you,
虽然我现在想不出尖刻的话来反驳你
while I do not currently have a scathing retort,
但我想到之后会发邮件给你的
you check your e-mail periodically for a doozy.
我们和谢尔顿的友谊算是完了
So much for our friendship with Sheldon.
不过暖气停了的那晚将会一直留在我们的记忆中
Well,we always have the night the heat went out.
-嗨 -嘿
- Hi. - Hey.
以为我们昨天晚上被打断了
Listen,since we got,you know,interrupted last night,
我没找到机会给你这个
I didn't have a chance to give you this.
哦 莱纳德 你不用这样的
Oh,Leonard,you shouldn't have.
哦 天哪
Oh,boy!
这是什么
What is it?
一片雪花
It's a snowflake.
北极的雪花
From the North Pole.
真的吗
Are you serious?
是啊
Uh-huh.
永不变质的
It'll last forever.
我把它保存在纯净的
I preserved in a one percent solution
聚乙烯醇缩醛树脂里了
of polyvinyl acetal resin.
天哪
Oh,my God.
这是我听到但没能理解的话中
That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me
最浪漫的一句
that I didn't understand.
其实这个过程挺简单的
It's actually a pretty simple process.
氰基丙烯酸酯这种单质会聚合于
You see,cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on--
红色警报 莱纳德 谢尔顿跑了
Red alert,Leonard. Sheldon ran away.
天 我就不能走运一回
Man,I cannot catch a break.
你怎么知道他跑了
So,how do you know he ran way?
他不接电话
Well,he's not answering his phone,
向学校提交了辞职报告
he handed in his resignation at the university
他还发短信给我说 “我跑了”
and he sent me a text that said,"I'm running away."
好吧 谢谢你告诉我
Okay,well,thanks for letting me know.
莱纳德 你不要做点什么吗
Well,Leonard,aren't you going to do something?
当然要做了
Of course I'm going to do something.
霍华德 你去漫画书店看看
Uh,Howard,you check the comic book
拉杰去泰国饭馆看看
Raj,go to the Thai restaurant.
我跟佩妮呆在她家里
I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
我靠
Oh,damn it
是谢尔顿他妈
It's Sheldon's mother.
我算是走不了运了
A break cannot be caught.
你好 库珀夫人
Hi,Mrs. Cooper.
是嘛
he is?
谢尔顿回得克萨斯州的家了
Sheldon went home to Texas
是的 我知道他辞职了
Yeah,no,I know he resigned.
是的 我想是我们的错
Yes... I guess it is kind of our fault.
不不不 你是对的
No,no,no. You-you're right.
是要有人跟他谈谈
Someone needs to come talk to him.
别担心 我会处理的
Don't worry,I'll take care of it.
好的 好吧
Yeah. All right.
新计划
New plan.
霍华德 你和拉杰特去得克萨斯
Howard,you and Raj go to Texas.
我跟佩妮呆在她家里
I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
你不跟他们一起去吗
Well,you're not gonna go with them?
我刚刚送给你雪花
Well,you know,I gave you the snowflake
我们正在接吻
and we were kissing and...
拜托 我可不想这时候去得克萨斯
Oh,come on,I don't want to go to Texas!
你以为我想去
Oh,right,and I do?
我们犹太人已经穿越了一次沙漠了 [圣经故事]
My people already crossed a desert once.
我们不再干了
We're done.
相信我 你会没事的 再见
Trust me,you'll be fine. See ya.
等一下 莱纳德
Well,wait a second,Leonard,come on,
你怎么能不去呢 他是你最好的朋友
how can you not go? He's your best friend.
没错 但他的裸体我已经看过了
Yeah,but I already saw him naked.
我保证我会等着你回来
I promise I will be he when you get back.
放心去帮谢尔顿吧
Just go help Sheldon.
真的
Really?
是啊 我们已经等了几个月了
Yeah. We waited a few months.
再等几天又有何妨
We can wait a few more days.
你也许能等
Maybe you can.
快去
Go.
天 你算是走不了运了
Boy,you cannot catch a break,can you?
-给你 谢利 -谢谢 妈
- Here you go,Shelly.- Thaks,Mom.
等等 年轻人
Hold your horses,young man.
-这里是德克萨斯州 饭前得先祈祷 -妈
- Here in Texa