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By F-loat
中央咖啡馆
这没什么好说的
There's nothing to tell!
他不过是我的同事
He's just some guy I work with!
少来了 你们都在约会了
C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
这个男人一定有什么问题
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
他是驼背吗 戴着假发的驼背
So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
等等 他吃粉笔吗
Wait, does he eat chalk?
我只是不想你
Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through
重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙
what I went through with Carl
拜托各位 放松点 这甚至不算是约会
Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
只不过是两个人出去吃个饭
It's just two people going out to dinner
而且不会上床
and not having sex.
听起来像是和我约会
Sounds like a date to me.
于是我回到了高中学校
Alright, so I'm back in high school,
我站在食堂中间
I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria
然后发现自己全身赤裸
and I realize I am totally naked.
噢 做过那种梦
Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
然后我低下头 看见那里有一部
Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone
大哥大
there.
-那话儿变成了 -没错
- Instead of...? - That's right.
-这种梦倒从未做过 -没有
- 《比利 别逞英雄》 70年代反战歌曲
还有个问题
Y'know, here's the thing.
就算我鼓足了勇气 想约个女人出来
Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...
我又能约谁呢
who am I gonna ask?
不可思议吧
Isn't this amazing?
我这辈子从没泡过咖啡
I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
-真不可思议 -恭喜你了
- That is amazing. - Congratulations.
既然你现在正进入角色
While you're on a roll
有没有想做个煎蛋卷之类的东西
If you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something..
不过事实上我还不太饿
Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
-早安 -早安
- Morning. - Good morning.
-早安 -早安 保罗
- Morning. - Morning, Paul.
-你好保罗 -嗨 保罗是吧
- Hello, Paul. - Hi, Paul, is it?
-谢谢 太感谢你了 -不要这样
- Thank you. Thank you so much. - Stop.
晚点联系
We'll talk later.
谢谢你
Yeah. Thank you.
那还不叫真正的约会
That wasn't a real date?!
那你真正的约会到底要干些什么
What the hell do you do on a real date?
-闭嘴 把桌子抬回去 -好啦
- Shut up, and put my table back. - Okayyy!
好了孩子们 我必须上班去了
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
但如果我不输入那些数字
If I don't input those numbers...
也没什么关系
it doesn't make much of a difference...
你们大伙儿都有工作
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
对 我们都有工作
Yeah, we all have jobs.
这样才有钱买东西
See, that's how we buy stuff.
对 我是个演员
Yeah, I'm an actor.
你演过什么 我看过吗
Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
难说 大部分范围都挺小的
I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
等下 除非你碰巧看过
Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the
《匹诺曹》的重播
Reruns' production of Pinocchio.
"瞧 盖佩多 我是真正的小男孩了"
'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
{\an3\fs16\bord0\fn微软雅黑\fad(0,0)\b0\pos(374,247)}《匹诺曹》的剧中台词
-别这么侮辱人 -你说得对 对不起
- I will not take this abuse. - You're right, I'm sorry.
"我曾是个小木偶 小木偶"
"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
今天感觉如何
So how you doing today?
睡得还好吧 跟巴瑞谈过了吗
Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?
我无法停止笑
I can't stop smiling.
看得出来
I can see that.
你活像昨晚睡觉时嘴里放了个撑衣架
You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
我知道 他是那么
I know, he's just so, so...
还记得你和托尼·德马科吗
Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
记得啊
Oh, yeah.
就像那样 那种感觉
Well, it's like that. With feelings.
-哇 你真是有麻烦了
- Wow,are you in trouble!
好啦 好啦 我要站起来 去工作
Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work
而且一整天都不要想他
and not think about him all day.
或者只是站起来去工作
Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
-祝我好运 -为什么
- Oh, look, wish me luck! - What for?
我要去找那个工作什么的东西
I'm gonna go get one of those job things.
嘿 莫妮卡
Hey, Monica!
嘿 弗兰妮 欢迎回来
Hey Frannie, welcome back!
在佛罗里达过得如何
How was Florida?
你做爱了 对不
You had sex, didn't you?
-你怎么知道的
- How do you do that?
那么 和谁
So? Who?
你认识保罗吧
You know Paul?
保罗 那个调酒的
Paul the Wine Guy?
对 我认识保罗
Oh yeah, I know Paul.
你是说你认识他就像我认识他一样
You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
开玩笑吧 保罗还欠我一个人情呢
Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.
遇到我之前他已有两年无法过性生活
Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
显然他是骗你的
Of course it was a line!
为什么 为什么会有人那样做
Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
我想你是想让我们拿出一个
I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated
比"想和你上床"更为复杂的回答
than 'to get you into bed'.
问题出在我身上
Is it me?
难道我身上带着某种味儿
Is it like I have some sort of beacon
只有狗和有严重情感问题的男人才会发觉吗
that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
好啦 过来 把你的脚给我
All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.
我只是以为他是个好男人
I just thought he was nice, y'know?
我真不相信 你不知道那是个谎言
I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
-猜猜怎么了 -你找到工作了
- Guess what? - You got a job?
开玩笑吗 我什么都不会
Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!
今天十二个面试 我都是被嘲笑轰出来的
I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
不过你却异常兴奋
And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
如果你遇见"约翰&大卫"的皮靴打五折
You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale,
也会跟我一样的
fifty percent off!
是呀 你多了解我啊
Oh, how well you know me...
这就是 我不需要工作
They're my new 'I don't need a job,
不需要父母 一双好皮靴足矣
I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
你怎么付的款
How'd you pay for them?
用信用卡
Uh, credit card.
那谁付账单
And who pays for that?
我爸啊
Um... my... father.
拜托 你不能靠你爸一辈子
C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
我知道 这就是为什么我要结婚
I know that. That's why I was getting married.
饶了她吧 第一次独立并不轻松
Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
谢谢
Thank you.
不客气 我记得我第一次来纽约时的情景
You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.
当时我十四岁
I was fourteen.
我妈刚自杀 我继父再度入狱
My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison,
我来到这里 举目无亲
and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.
最后我和一个白化病患者住在一起
And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like,
他给港务局的人清洗车窗玻璃
cleaning windshields outside port authority,
后来他也自杀了
and then he killed himself,
然后我成了按摩师
and then I found aromatherapy.
所以相信我 我完全了解你的感受
So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
你想要说的话是
The word you're looking for is
"无论如何"
"Anyway"...
好了准备好了吗
All right, you ready?
-我不这么想
- I don't think so.
剪掉 剪掉 剪掉
C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
欢迎来到现实世界
Welcome to the real world!
它糟透了 但你会喜欢的
It sucks. You're gonna love it!
好啦 你要睡在沙发上吗
Well, that's it. You gonna crash on the couch?
不 我要回家
老友记\第一季第一集
没人告诉你生活会是这样\So no one told you life was gonna be this way
你滑稽的工作 你的差劲\your jobs a joke, you're broke,
你半途而废的爱情\your love life's D.O.A.
就像开车卡在二档\It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
每日每周每月\And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
甚至每年都是如此\or even your year, but
大雨倾盆时\I'll be there for you,
我会陪伴你\when the rain starts to pour.
我会陪伴你\I'll be there for you,
像我以前那样\like I've been there before.
我会陪伴你\I'll be there for you,
因为你也陪伴着我\'cause you're there for me too.
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