农村妹妹在上网聊天的搞笑对话.doc

农村妹妹在上网聊天的搞笑对话（全面版）资料
农村妹妹在上网聊天，
不笑死你才怪，有心脏病的不要看
一个叫多情分子的说：不好好呆在村里，跑这来干吗？
我：俺妈说了让俺来城里长点见识，回去好找个婆家。
多情公子：就你这样的还想嫁人啊？
我：俺妈说了，俺模样长的俊。肯定能找到好婆家，所以俺才来城里长见识了。听人家说这网里啥都有，俺就顺便来瞅瞅，老师们多帮帮俺!
相思成疾：谁是你老师呀？傻丫头你怎幺张嘴就喊老师啊？
我：俺们那里认字的，俺都叫老师。
心如月：傻妹妹，你笑死我了，我问你，你知道菜温斯基是谁吗？
我：他是开车的吧？开汽车还是拖拉机啊？俺村里有大卡车，开车的都叫司机。你说的菜温斯基俺没听过。
很多人喊晕。
我：你们不是在网上吗？你们那里的网是不是晃荡呀？怎幺都晕了？
心如月：我都有喷饭啦。傻妹妹我告诉你，菜温斯基就是和美国前总统发生桃色新闻的那女孩。
多情公子：阿月你还和他说美国,他知道美国在那里吗？
我：俺就知道中国，俺老师说了，中国是俺的祖国。俺的祖国地大物博，美国是什幺东西？
相思成疾：傻丫头，没看出你是爱国者呢。我告诉你呀。美国在地球那边。
心如月：傻妹妹，你知道地球是圆的吗？
我：俺知道，俺老师说，地球老大老大的阿。俺老师说，有一个笨蛋想找个点把地球撬起来，最后没找到。
他们的网又晃荡了。又晕倒到一大片。
我对相思成疾说：老师呀，我问你阿。美国人天天大头朝下不难受吗？
相思成疾：什幺大头朝下？
我：地球是圆的，你说的他们在咱们脚底下。那他们不大头朝下吗？
心如月：傻妹妹，你太可爱啦。我肚子疼死了。
我：姐姐，俺妈说了。不能喝不干净的水，小心肚子疼，你喝了？
多情公子：你有手机吗？我给你打 。
我：我有啊我有阿，我看人家城里的姑娘都在脖子上挂着一个东西。还能说话。我就去问。人家告诉我这叫手机。我就买了一个也挂上了。
相思成疾：别罗嗦了，快说号码。我给你打 。
我：没有号码，我忘了问商店的人了。
多情公子：你买的时候人家没有告诉你怎幺用吗？
我：告诉了。摁一个数字就唱一首歌。可好听了。
心如月：你的手机在那里买的？多少钱？
我：商店呀。两两八毛钱。人家要三块五。我给他两块八。
他们的网又开始晃荡了，又晕到一大片。
相思成疾：傻丫头，你打字还挺快。跟谁学的？
我：我没打字，我说的。一个小兄弟替我打的。
心如月：你家在那里？你妈怎幺让你一个人出来？
我：俺家在村里。俺妈是让俺出来长见识的。
多情公子：回村子里吧，这里不是你呆的地方。小心被人拐卖了。
我：俺妈说了,见了男的喊大爷。见了女的喊大娘，嘴甜点好办事。
相思成疾：丫头，你不适合呆在城里，听大哥的话回家去吧。城里会把你给污染的。
我：你们城里不是喜欢不打农药的菜和水果吗？我也没带农药桶来。怎幺会污染呢？
心如月：这孩子傻的可爱，傻妹妹别呆在网吧里了。赶紧回家。
我：俺没家呀。没地方住。人家这里上网一宿才五块钱。比住店合适。俺就上这里来了。俺还知道网是什幺东西。老师们还告诉俺，美国总统的司机是女的。还是桃色的。
多情公子：哈哈。这丫头太有意思了。
我：俺要走了。天快亮了。俺得省钱。，忘了告诉你们了。俺攒了很多钢崩儿。
心如月：攒钢崩儿干吗呀？办嫁妆？
我：上北京看俺哥哥去。俺哥哥可是大名人。地球人都知道他。
心如月：你哥哥是谁呀？
我：俺说了俺哥哥呀，就是不会笑了。俺也着急。对了。他叫罗京。中央电视台的。
多情公子：罗京是你哥哥？
我：俺当他是俺哥哥，他还不知道呢。等俺攒够了钢蹦儿，俺就去告诉他。
网又晃荡了。他们又晕到了一大片。
我：你们的网老是晃荡。一说话你们就晕到。俺不说了。俺走了。你们在网里晕吧
看完了我的帖子笑了的人.......这种人,爱情顺利,事业顺心,家庭和睦,福如东海.寿比南山,一生开心~
当然了。.这种人也都宽宏大量....不会介意回个小小的帖子了...开心无价嘛~
 看了要转哦 (*^__^*) 嘻嘻……转吧给咱增加点儿人气
短对话中经常出现的场景及相关单词
Store
商店

size尺寸、尺码，design设计、图案，style风格，price tag价格标签，cost成本、价钱，cheap便宜的，expensive昂贵的，change零钱，receipt收据、发票，bargain讨价还价，quality质量，match匹配，in stock有库存, 有现货，out of stock没有库存, 缺货，on sale打折，for sale出售
Bank
银行

open an account开帐户，current account活期帐户，savings account储蓄存款帐户，draw/deposit some money存钱，withdraw取钱，Foreign Exchange ，interest rate利率，cash现金，check支票，cash a check将支票兑现，credit card ，balance结余、余额
Airport
机场

flight航班，flight number航班号，flight schedule航班时刻表，take off起飞，landing着陆，Gate No. 1212号登机口，due预期的，air ticket机票，hand luggage手提行李，board a plane登机，boarding card登机牌，Customs Office海关，passport护照，departure起飞，arrival到达，declaration通告，check-in counter办理登机手续柜台，information desk问询台
On a plane
飞机上
airhostess空姐，pilot飞行员，airline航班，direct flight直达航班，fasten/unfasten your seatbelt系/解开安全带，first class头等舱，business class商务舱，economy class经济舱，window seat靠窗的位子，aisle seat靠通道的位子，wing机翼
Restaurant
餐馆
dish菜，menu菜单，order点菜，bill账单，tip小费, lobster龙虾, ham火腿, wine酒，soft drink饮料，juice果汁，soup汤，seafood海鲜，steak牛排，dessert甜品, appetizer开胃菜, toast土司、敬酒、烤, mutton羊肉, snack点心、零食, buffet自助餐, cold dish冷盘, reserve a table订桌, pepper胡椒，flavoring调味料
Hospital
医院
emergency room急救室，consulting room诊室，treatment治疗，physician内科医师，surgeon外科医师，tablet药片，medicine药, injection针剂，feel pulse把脉，ward病房, run a fever发高烧，cough咳嗽，sore throat喉咙痛，toothache牙痛，stomachache胃痛，take the temperature量体温，blood pressure血压，X-ray X光，operation手术, recover康复
Office
办公室
type打字，copy the document复印文件，file文件、档案，contract合同，dictate口述，arrange a meeting/an appointment安排会议/约会，make a phone call打
Post Office
邮局
postage邮资，stamp邮票，parcel包裹，registered letter/mail挂号信，airmail航空信，envelope信封，post code/zip code ，EMS邮政特快专递
Bus
公共汽车
bus fare车资，fare box投币箱，hold the handle拉住把手，get off下车，next stop下一站
Classroom/
school
教室/
学校
lesson课，text课文，assignment作业，term paper学期论文，essay论文，subject主题、科目， course课程，major专业、主修，test测验，quiz突击测验、小测验，test paper试卷，exam考试，score分数，mark分数、记号，grade分数，campus校园
Library
图书馆
reference books参考书，novel/fiction小说，periodicals期刊，journal期刊、杂志，magazine杂志，newspaper报纸，card卡片，catalogue目录，borrow借，return归还，renew续借，due到期的，overdue过期的，reading room阅览室，bookshelf书架，author作者，volume卷、册
Hotel
旅馆

check in入住登记，check out办理退房/离店手续，front desk前台，reception desk问讯处，registration登记，reservation预定，book a room订房，single room单人间，double room双人间，suite套房, room service客房服务，morning call叫醒服务, shower淋浴，bathroom浴室，tip小费，vacancy空房，porter门僮，luggage/baggage行李，laundry待洗或洗好的衣物
1. W: There were more than a hundred people at Kate’s birthday party. How come she’s got so many friends?
M: It’s really no surprise. You know she was popular even when she was a child.
Q: What does the man imply about Kate?
2. M: They say there will be a snow-storm tonight, and the cold weather will last quite a few days.
W: Oh! We’re so lucky we’ll be getting away for a while, and having a holiday in Florida. But let’s call right now to confirm our flight.
Q: What do we learn about the two speakers?
3. W: Tony was awarded a medal for rescuing several families from the forest fire.
M: I really admire his courage.
Q: What do we learn about Tony from the conversation?
4. M: My washing machine is more than fifteen years old and it has worked just fine until last night.
W: You’ll never be able to get parts for it, even from Japan. So it might be time to invest in a more recent model.
Q: What does the woman suggest the man do?
5. W: I heard about your promotion. You must be thrilled.
M: Not really. The new office is huge, but the workload has doubled.
Q: What do we learn about the man from the conversation?
6. W: I can’t decide what to do about the party tomorrow.
M: You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I’ll be glad to give you a ride if you do.
Q: What do we learn from the conversation?
7. M: Now if you have any questions about the contract, I’ll be happy to answer them.
W: Nothing comes to mind right now, but I’d like to go over all the articles of the contract once more before signing it.
8. M: We are out of paper for the printer. Can you please order some?
W: I completed the order form online yesterday and it will be here by noon. I’ll let you know when it comes in.
Q: What did the woman do?
9．M: I just received an Email from one of my former classmates. I was surprised. I hadn’t heard from him for ages.
W: Well, I’ve been out of touch with most of my old friends, only one or two still drop me a line occasionally,
Q: What does the woman mean?
10. M: If you can make up your mind about the color, I can start on the outside of your house early next week.
   W: Well, right now I think I want white for the window frames and yellow for the walls, but I’ll let you know tomorrow.
   Q: Who is the woman talking to?
11. W: Excuse me, do you have any apartments available for under 500 dollars a month? I need to move in next week when my new job starts.
   M: The only vacant one I have is 600 dollars. Have you inquired at the apartment complex down the street?
   Q: What does the man suggest the woman do?
12. W: You bought a pair of jeans yesterday, didn’t you? What are they like?
   M: Oh, they are pretty much like my other ones, except with a larger waist. I guess I haven’t spent much time exercising lately.
   Q: What can we infer from the conversation about the man?
 13. W: I really like those abstract paintings we saw yesterday. What do you think?
   M: I guess it’s something I haven’t acquired a taste for yet.
   Q: What does the man imply?
14. W: You haven’t seen a blue notebook, have you? I hope I didn’t leave it in the reading room.
   M: Did you check that pile of journals you’ve borrowed from the library the other day?
   Q: What is the man trying to say to the woman?
15. M: How about joining me for a cup of coffee?
   W: I’d love to, but I’m exhausted. I was up till 3 this morning, writing a paper for my literature class.
   Q: Why does the woman decline the man’s invitation?
16. W: You had a job interview yesterday, didn’t you? How did it go?
   M: Not too bad, I guess. There were about 20 candidates competing for the sales manager’s job. And finally it was down to three of us, but the other two seemed better qualified.
Q: What does the man imply?
17. M: Today’s a bad day for me! I fell off a step and twisted my ankle.
   W: Don't worry. Usually ankle injuries heal quickly if you stop regular activities for a while.
Q: What does the woman suggest the man do?
18. W: May I see your ticket please? I think you’re sitting in my seat.
   M: Oh, you’re right! My seat is in the balcony. I'm terribly sorry!
   Q: Where does the conversation most probably take place?
19. W: Did you hear Jay Smith died in his sleep last night?
   M: Yes, it's very sad. Please let everybody know that whoever wants to may attend the funeral.
   Q: What are the speakers talking about?
20. M: Have you taken Prof. Yang's exam before? I'm kind of nervous.
W: Yes, just concentrate on the important ideas she's talked about in class and ignore the details.
Q: How does the woman suggest the man prepare for Prof. Yang's exam?
21. W: I'm so sorry, sir. And you'll let me pay to have your jacket cleaned, won't you?
M: That's all right. It could happen to anyone. And I'm sure that coffee doesn't leave lasting marks on clothing.
   Q: What can we infer from the conversation?
22. W: Have you seen the movie "The Departed"? The plot was so complicated that I really got lost.
   M: Yeah, I felt the same. But after I saw it a second time , I could put all the pieces together.
   Q: How do the two speakers find the movie?
23. M: I'm really surprised you got an A on the test. You didn't seem to have done a lot of reading.
   W: Now you know why I never missed a lecture.
Q: What contributes to the woman's high score?
24. W: Have you heard about a new digital television system? It lets people get about 500 channels.
   M: Yeah. But I doubt they have anything different from what we watch now.
Q: What does the man mean?
25. W: I ran into Sally the other day. I could hardly recognize her. Do you remember her from high school?
M: Yeah, she was a little out of shape back then. Well, has she lost a lot of weight?
Q: What does the man remember of Sally?
26. W: We don’t seem to have a reservation for you, sir. I’m sorry.
M: But my secretary said that she had reserved a room for me here. I phoned her from the airport this morning just before I got on board the plane.
Q: Where does the conversation most probably take place?
27. W: What would you do if you were in my place?
M: If Paul were my son, I just not worry. Now that his teacher is giving him extra help and he is working hard himself. He’s sure to do well in the next exam.
Q: What’s the man’s suggestion to the woman?
28. M: You’ve had your hands full and have been overworked during the last two weeks. I think you really need to go out and get some fresh air and sunshine.
W: You are right. That’s just what I’m thinking about.
Q: What is the woman most probably going to do?
299. W: Hello, John, how are you feeling now? I hear you’ve been ill.
M: They must have confused me with my twin brother Rod. He’s been sick all week，but I’ve never felt better in my life.
Q: What do we learn about the man？
30. M: Did you really give away all your furniture when you moved into the new house last month？
W: Just the useless pieces, as I’m planning to purchase a new set from Italy for the sitting room only.
Q: What does the woman mean？
31. M: I’ve brought back your Oxford Companion to English Literature. I thought you might use it for your paper. Sorry not to have returned it earlier.
W: I was wondering where that book was.
Q: What can we infer from that conversation？
32. W: To tell the truth, Tony. It never occurs to me that you are an athlete.
M: Oh, really? Most people who meet me, including some friends of mine don’t think so either.
Q: What do we learn from the conversation？
33. M: Excuse me, do you have change for a ten-dollar note? I need to pay the parking meter.
W: I’m sorry. But I think you can get it through the money changer, in the shopping center across the street.
Q: What is the man trying to do?
34. M: Can you recommend something that a school boy of seven or eight will really like?
W: I suggest this toy train, sir. It’s an excellent brand, very popular, all over the world these days.
Q: What is the man doing?
35. W: Do you let people know when you are taking pictures of them?
M: I try not to. You know, any picture of a person who poses for the camera would look dull and
unnatural.
Q: What are the speakers talking about?
36. W: I need to talk to someone who knows Baltimore well. I’m told you lived there.
M: Oh, but I was really young at the time.
Q: What does the man mean?
37. W: Aren’t you disappointed that you didn’t get the promotion?
M: Maybe a little. But I know I need more experience before I’m ready for that kind of
responsibility.
Q: What do we learn about the man from this conversation?
38. W: I’ve been working out the gym since January. I was a bit out of shape.
M: You look terrific! It seems that your effort has paid off.
Q: What does the man imply about the woman?
39. W: Prof. Clark suggested that I get a tutor for advanced physics.
M: Well, that might help. Advanced physics is a pretty difficult course.
Q: What does the man mean?
40. W: Bill, have you heard the latest news? It appears we two won’t be laid off after all.
M: Oh, I’m somewhat tired of working here. I’ve been wondering whether I should resign. Anyway, the news seems to be good for you.
Q: How does the man feel about the news?
天易成网管软件部署模式
模式:ARP网关推荐使用!
优点:无需改变网络拓扑结构。可关闭监控机,网络即恢复到未管理状态。
缺点:仅适用于单网段环境,被管理机器数目最好不超过200台。
要求:路由器不能开启ARP防火墙,不能做IP-MAC绑定。被管理电脑不能开启ARP防火墙和绑定。

模式:网桥方式推荐使用!
注意:一定要先设置好网桥,再安装天易成网管软件。切记!!!
优点:适用于任何网络环境,功能强大,能够突破ARP防火墙进行管理。
缺点:无。
要求:一台带双网卡的电脑放置在路由器/防火墙与交换机之间,并在此电脑上配置网桥,安装软件。
1.准备一台带双网卡的电脑(建议使用两张千兆网卡;
2.安装支持网桥的操作系统:windows xp、windows server 2003、vista、windows7、windows server 2021;
3.连接网络:用网线,将做网桥的电脑,一张网卡连接路由器/防火墙,另一张连接主交换机,如下图:

4.创建网桥:进入控制面板,点开网络连接,同时选上这两个物理网卡,点鼠标右键,然后选择桥接,如下图:

5.设置网桥:创建网桥成功后,本地连接里会自动虚拟出来一个网络桥,需要对虚拟出来的网络桥设置IP 地址、网关和DNS;
注1:网桥设置的IP地址应和路由器在同一个网段。
注2:创建网桥成功后,会产生一个新的MAC,假如您在路由器上做了IP-MAC绑定,应修改对应的规则;
6.安装和设置程序:安装程序(包括服务端和控制台,运行程序,登录服务端。在工具栏的"设置向导",在设置向导第一页,选择网桥模式。在设置向导第二页,在选择网卡那里,应该选接内部交换机的网卡,不能选择桥接出来的网卡(如不知道哪张网卡是靠近内网的网卡,可以两张网卡都试试;
7.点工具栏的"开始管理"图标,即可管理整个局域网;
模式:双网卡网关
优点:适用于在网络出口处有一台电脑拨号代理上网的情况,功能很强,能突破ARP防火墙实现所有功能。缺点:无。
要求:需要一台电脑做网关,将监控软件安装在出口拨号电脑处。

模式:单网卡网关
优点:与被管理电脑ARP防火墙和谐共存。无需改变网络拓扑结构。

1.修改原网关IP为未使用的IP,如19

3.在监控电脑安装网关代理软件,代理内网电脑上网;
4.在监控电脑安装天易成网管;
5.首次开始管理后,使用ARP防火墙的电脑,须重启一次;
6.如果网络是DHCP环境,需关闭原网关的DHCP,在监控电脑的代理软件上开启DHCP。

听力理解——对话
对话的常考题型
1． 主旨要义题：问对话讨论的是什么。
a. 尽量在脑海中描述出正进行的对话：对谁在进行对话，在哪里进行对话做一定的假设；
b. 尤其注意听一些关键词，被重复的词等等；
c. 对所听到的内容进行归纳，什么是中心思想；
d. 特别注意提问句，因为对话通常是一问一答，答的内容通常是围绕问题展开的。
常见的就对话主题而提的问题有：
What is the main topic of the conversation?
What are the speakers mainly discussing?
What is the subject of this conversation?
What is the main idea of the conversation?
Which of the following best summarizes the conversation?
2． 身份职业题：问说话者的身份、职业以及两者的关系等。
常见的就身份、职业及人物关系而提的问题有：
What is the person’s probable vocation/job?
Who