毕业论文-现代家庭妇女所面临的婆媳问题的研究.doc

某某学院
2009届学生毕业设计

题目：现代家庭妇女所面临的婆媳问题的研究

系部： 人文艺术系
专业： 社区管理与服务
班级： 09社区管理与服务
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二0 一 二 年 五 月 三 日

摘 要
从孝道、权威、利益和血缘四个方面来探讨当代婆媳关系。通过研究可以看出，传统孝道对当代婆媳关系仍具有较强的规范作用；婆婆权威虽然受到挑战和削弱，但媳妇并不轻易挑战其权威； 利益纠纷是婆媳关系的一种常态，关键是要对冲突进行预防、控制和疏导；而丈夫与孩子可以充当婆媳沟通的桥梁。与传统婆媳关系相比，当代婆媳更注重权利和义务的平等。

引 言
中国有一句古话：“家和万事兴”，家庭，作为人类生活的基本单位，作为社会组织的基本细胞,对社会和谐起着一种举足轻重的影响。家庭关系的构成十分复杂，任何一种家庭关系的紧张，都有可能影响到整个家庭的稳定与和谐。这其中婆媳关系尤为关键。这是因为，夫妻关系是家庭关系的核心，而婆媳关系又是通过同时身为儿子和丈夫两种角色的一个男人而联系起来的，婆媳关系直接把两代夫妻关系全部牵扯了进来。因此，自然决定了整个的家庭的和睦或紧张程度。基于这个理由，我们针对婆媳关系进行了调查研究，认真分析可能构成婆媳关系紧张的因素，研究可行有效地应对方式。

一、传统婆媳关系和现代婆媳关系的状况
在中国，由于整个民族都受到儒家思想的影响，绝大部分人强调重义轻利，在这种道德观念下，家庭成员之间很忌讳言利，但是这并不代表家庭成员间就不想利。事实上，在中国传统家庭的内部( 各家庭之间) ，“财产关系是最重要的关系”。因此，婆媳之间也往往绕不过一个“利”字，金钱的利益，亲情的利益，某种程度上，婆媳关系的本质是利益关系，只是这种利益关系在中国传统家庭和当代家庭中的表现形式并不一样。尽管儒家文化提倡和鼓励累世而居，以人丁兴旺、数代同堂为荣耀，但“分家”也是一种约定俗成的现象。分家前，传统家庭里父母一般都牢牢掌握着家庭的财产大权。而婆媳冲突则集中表现在对家庭控制权的争夺上，媳妇积极寻求控制上的独立。分家后，婆媳冲突主要表现在对同一个男人的情感争夺上。
与传统婆媳相比，当代的婆媳关系由于国家政策原因（计划生育），婆媳关系比之传统更加复杂，婆媳冲突往往是两个家庭的冲突。在从前，大部分人认为女性一旦嫁人，就是别人家的人，再大的委屈也得承受，等媳妇熬成婆了，那就是你当家作主的时候了。而现在由于媳妇在教育、技能和年龄等方面的优势，其接受信息和获取就业机会的能力远远超过当代婆婆，因而有效地提升了她们在家庭中的地位。但是这些状况的改变不一定能使得婆媳关系的改善，反而还有可能带来其它新的矛盾。
二、婆媳之间产生矛盾原因
1. 生理和心理问题
据某报道上说，我国武汉市精神病院主任医师刘小林对婆媳矛盾产生提出了一种新的解释，他认为，婆媳不和的主要原因是媳妇的“产期抑郁症”恰好遭遇到了婆婆的“更年期综合”。产期的妇女受到很多因素的困扰，情绪一直很不稳定。孕期的妇女往往担心胎儿是否健康、能否顺产、是男是女等问题;孕后的妇女不再是家人关注的中心，刚出生的孩子则成了家庭的绝对中心，媳妇心中充满的是强烈的失落感，对于某些重男轻女的家庭中，如果出生的是女孩，媳妇的压力更大、更重。对于职业女性来说，因为脱离了原来的工作环境，她变得异常脆弱，特别在乎家人对她一言一行的态度。此外，她还要考虑原来的工作是否发生了新的变化，能否适应等等，这使媳妇常常陷入压抑、乏力、烦躁、悲观等等异常情绪。另一方面，婆婆正好又处于更年期，内分泌系统发生的变化使婆婆变得易怒、唠叨、斤斤计较于芝麻般的琐事。可以想象的是“产期抑郁症”的媳妇和“更年期综合”的婆婆在相当长的时间之内又不得不生活在一起，如同针对麦芒，在这种情况下，婆婆和媳妇之间要想避免矛盾的产生的确是很困难了。
婆媳不和的一个重要理由也许应该归结与一个的心理原因，婆媳关系是以一个男人为中介而联系起来的，这个男人又同时与两个女人具有异乎寻常的关系。从婆婆的角度而言，这个男人是她的儿子：从媳妇的角度而言，这个男人是她的丈夫。婆婆对这个男人的感情是母子之情，媳妇对这个男人的感情则是爱情。这两种感情都是非常强烈，非常持久的，同时，又具有非同一般的针对性,排他性，甚至还有独占性。这两种感情都要要求完全地拥有这个男人，表现在实际生活中，就是对这个男人的竭力占有，所以，婆媳关系的问题也常常被归结为两个女人争夺一个男人的斗争。在现实生活中，常常出现这样的情形，如果丈夫与妻子的关系特别亲密时，婆婆不但不高兴反而会表现出失落感：另一方面，如果丈夫特别孝敬婆婆，与婆婆关系很亲热时，妻子也会觉得受到了冷落，甚至为此而醋意大发。虽然说母子之爱与夫妻之爱这两种情感在本质上完全不同，但毕竟这两种感情指向的是同一个具体的对象，而婆婆与妻子所关心的并不是这两种情感的差别，而唯一的这个关注对象的归属问题，因此，纷争和矛盾就在所难免了。
2. 双方对家庭权利的争夺
按照传统的观点，男主外女主内，家庭对女人具有一种异乎寻常的重要意义，家庭是一个独立王国，女人就是家庭王国的国王。从婆婆的角度来讲，作为儿子的这个中间男人就是她的一个臣民，从媳妇的角度来讲，作为丈夫的这个中间男人就是独立王国的一个臣民。婆婆的家庭王国与媳妇的家庭王国并不是同一个家庭王国，无论作为儿子还是作为丈夫，这个中间男人都是家庭王国中一个极其重要的成员，这个男人却绝对无法一身二份，同属两国。因此，婆媳为了捍卫自己的独立王国的完整性和神圣性，肯定会再一次展开对这个中间男人的争夺，这只会再一次加剧婆媳之间的紧张气氛。
3. 婆媳之间的相互关系
首先，从家庭结构上看，婆媳之间形成了一种母女关系，但婆婆与媳妇仅仅是通过一个男人而联系起来的，她们之间并没有直接的血缘关系，也没有直接的姻亲关系。媳妇一般被认为是“外来人”，因此，婆媳之间常常只有形式上或名义上的母女关系，而并不是具备有血缘关系而结成的母女关系的实际特质，婆媳之间是一种“准母女关系”，其次。婆婆与媳妇是两代人，不可避免地会在生活习惯、思想观念等多方面形成代沟，这也是使婆媳之间很难沟通，很难避免摩擦。第三，婆媳关系是两个女人之间的关系，女人与女人之间的和平相处不是那么容易的，这里有一个很明显的比较，就是媳妇虽然很难与婆婆相处，但大多数却能很轻松地与公公相处，这种差别只能归诸于男女之间的不同了。
4.中介失衡
在婆媳关系中，儿子起着十分重要的中介作用。儿子的这种中介作用如果发挥得好，则可以加强婆媳之间的情感。反之，则容易成为矛盾的焦点，出现 “两面受敌”的困境。尽管母子情深，也难以避免结婚以后这种关系变得复杂的事实。因为夫妻之间毕竟在活动、打算、开支以及交往等方面有着更多的共同点。在这些问题上，夫妻观点的一致性往往要超过母子观点的一致性。这是因为儿子和母亲相隔一代，在心理上存在着差异，这样就容易造成儿子中介作用的失衡。如果母亲不理解，就会产生“娶了媳妇忘了娘” 的心态，误认为儿子对自己的感情被儿媳夺去了，而迁怒于儿媳。
5.角色冲突
社会是一个大舞台，每个人都在此舞台上扮演者一定的角色，人们在社会互动中表现自己，修饰自我的形象。角色就是在互动中形成的。婆婆和媳妇角色是有媳妇和儿子的婚姻所获得的。在婆媳关系的角色扮演中，双方都怀着对其的角色期待；婆媳发生冲突的很多起因，其实都不是真正的大事，放在其他的人际关系中，根本不肯能导致冲突，这就是因为事先婆媳双方对方都有一个不恰当的期望。媳妇会认为婆婆不应该对自己这样，凭什么自己做这么多事，婆婆的女儿却什么都不用做；婆婆总会想媳妇到底不如自己的女儿贴心。因为他们总是事先找到一个不恰当的参照物、一个不现实的标准，与自己及对方进行对照。同时并不是每个人、每个时候都能清楚并扮演好自己的社会角色的，人们在角色扮演的过程中常常发生矛盾、障碍、甚是是失败
三、避免和解决措施
1、婆媳以相互尊重为基础，矛盾的主方（媳妇）应采取主动积极的行动。
婆媳双方要妥善处理彼此之间的关系，首先得对这种人际关系有明确的认识。婆媳双方都要承认对方有独立的人格和经济地位，双方之间的关系是一种平等的人际关系，而不是一种一方必须依从于另一方的支配与被支配的关系。认识到这一点很重要，如果双方或一方对这种关系缺乏正确的认识，认为对方必须或应该听从、服从自己，从而把这种平等的人际关系视为支配与服从的关系，则必然会在行动上、态度上表现出来。由此导致双方关系的失调。婆媳之间的相互尊重要求双方有事全家协商处理，如经济开支、涉及全家的事务等要共同商量，养成民主家风；而属于个人的“私事”，则应互不干涉，个人享有“自主权”。
要发展良好的婆媳关系，双方都需要学会谅解对方、体贴对方。例如星期天去游园，做媳妇的不要只和丈夫、孩子去，把公婆留在家里，应该一同前往，这样婆婆也就不会产生寂寞孤单的感受。反之，媳妇对丈夫照顾较多，对婆婆相对照顾不周，做婆婆的也应多予体谅。如果婆媳双方在相处中都能设身处地为对方着想，相互谅解，婆媳非但不会出现大的矛盾，而且还会发展得如同亲子关系那样密切。
小戚结婚后，就一直和婆婆生活在一起，婆媳俩互敬互爱和睦相处。婆婆是个直性子有事会跟媳妇说出来，媳妇也一样心里有话就和婆婆明说，避免了婆媳之间的相互猜疑。有次，媳妇得了重感冒，腿不方便的婆婆跑去医院帮媳妇配药；媳妇上班忙，婆婆在生活中尽力帮助。小戚对婆婆特别感恩，把这种尊重和关心体现在平凡小事中。2009年，婆婆大腿要做换髋骨头手术，术后只能卧床休养，媳妇把儿子送到娘家，以腾出更多时间去医院陪护婆婆。在医院，小戚半夜里要帮婆婆解手、喝水，细心照料。同时她又担心自己耽误工作，所以特意把工作带到医院，熬夜做好原本要两天做好的工作。
2、避免争吵
婆媳之间出现了分歧、产生矛盾时，双方一定要保持冷静的头脑。即使一方发脾气，另一方也应克制自己的情绪反应，等对方情绪平静之后再商讨处理所存在的问题。心理学告诉我们，消极而强烈的情绪容易使人失去理性，导致冲突升级；争吵还具有“惯性”，即一旦因一点小事“开战”，日后往往有事便吵，久而久之，成见会越来越大。因此，当一方情绪反应激烈时，另一方应保持冷静与沉默，或者寻机走脱、回避，等事态平息后再交换意见，处理问题。
3、物质上的孝敬与情感上的交流相结合。
作为儿媳要和婆婆搞好关系，除了物质上孝敬之外，还应注意和婆婆搞好感情交流，消除心理上的隔阂。只有彼此心理及时沟通，双方的心理距离才会缩短。因此，做媳妇的平日里要经常向婆婆问寒问暖，每逢老人身体不适，更需悉心照料，使老人在精神上得到安慰。
4、发挥儿子的中介作用。
婆媳关系本来就是亲子关系与夫妻关系各自的延伸而形成的一种新的家庭人际关系，儿子在婆媳关系中扮演着“中介”角色，儿子作为婆媳关系的中介点，对婆媳双方的性格特点最为了解。因此，儿子在处理婆媳关系中起着十分重要的中介作用。主要有①儿子可以帮助婆媳进行心理沟通。沟通就是人与人之间的心理和情感上的回流。通过儿子的沟通，婆娘之间可以更轻易地消除心理上的屏障，增进感情。如平日家中有什么关于婆婆的好事，儿子可以多叫妻子出面，母亲过生日，买了东西叫妻子出面送给老人等。这些策略都有助于婆媳之间的情感交流。 ②婆媳之间发生矛盾时，儿子可以起疏导作用。由于婆媳之间既缺少母子间的亲切。又没有夫妇间的密切，因而出现了隔阂往往不容易消除，通过儿子从中周旋，可以消除心理屏障，使婆媳和好如初。
5、角色扮演是对选定的问题情境进行描述的一种传达方式，是一种在事先经过设计的情境中，自然的扮演某个角色。扮演者必须模拟主角的心路历程。
角色的扮演是一个既简单有有效的方法，曾经听过一个成功的案例。新婚时，在儿媳妇心中，她一直以为婆婆会像自己的妈妈一样包容自己，她才会每次下班后就坐在沙发看电视、吃瓜子等吃饭。而她的婆婆却经常在厨房里忙活着晚餐，吃完饭婆婆还要去收收。开始时婆婆没有什么埋怨的。但日子久了，婆婆心里开始埋怨起自己的媳妇了，感觉媳妇不该每次下班后便什么事不做就等着自己把家里的一切打理好。于是，婆婆在好友的建议下，决定和媳妇来次角色互换。在周末，婆婆就什么事都不做，像儿媳妇一样等吃饭、看电视、吃瓜子，剩下的事情都交给了媳妇，这时媳妇有这次的亲身感受后才发现原来婆婆每天打理家务是一件不容易的事情。于是，媳妇在今后的日子都会帮婆婆分担一些家务活了。

结束语
婆媳关系其实并非洪水猛兽，只是一种两代人的亲情关系，完全可以凭借人为的努力改善。无论发生了什么，都是没有对错，也无须追究对与错，一切不和谐的因素都是人的心理起的作用，因此，我们需要用心来化解。作为媳妇，要多尊敬婆婆，因为婆婆年岁大，管家经验丰富，所以做媳妇的可以跟自己的婆婆学习管家经验；做婆婆的也不要总是在媳妇面前摆架子，要看到儿媳的长处，多尊重儿媳的意见也可以学习媳妇一些现代的知识。婆婆应该把媳妇当自己的姑娘看，同时当媳妇的也应该把婆婆视作自己的母亲那样照顾，尽可能的去体谅老人的性格或其他不足之处。

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6、高永平．中国传统财产继承背后的文化逻辑—家系主义[ J ] 社会学研究，2006 ( 3 )
7、麻国庆．分家: 分中有继也有合[ J ] ．中国社会科学，1999 ( 1 )请删除以下内容，O(∩_∩)O谢谢！！！ boxing Forget the euphemistic ‘noble art of self-defence’; boxing is a human bloodsport in which the intention is to hurt one's opponents by delivering blows to their body and ultimately knocking them unconscious. It sanctions injury in the name of sport. That said, modern boxing appears almost genteel alongside its prizefighting predecessor in which bareknuckled pugilists fought to exhaustion, with fights often lasting several hours. A round ended only when one combatant was floored; he then had half a minute's respite before placing his toe on a line scratched across the centre of the ring and resuming battle. Not until one fighter failed ‘to come up to scratch’ was a result declared: no wins on points in those days, just the objective test of an inability to continue. Early rounds were often hard slogging contests but the real physical damage came in the later stages when tiredness slowed defensive reflexes. Imagine too the state of even the winner's hands, protected only by having been soaked in brine. With their combination of boxing and wrestling moves, early contests were literally ‘no holds barred’; grappling, punching, tripping, and throwing all being used to floor an opponent. The widely-adopted Broughton's Rules of 1743 eradicated some of the barbarism by outlawing the hitting of a man when he was down, and the seizing of hair or the body below the waist, but they still permitted butting. Yet it was not the brutality of the prize-ring which brought its demise, but the corruption with which it became associated. The revival of the sport as boxing in late Victorian Britain saw several changes designed to render it more civilized. Although some of the old practices continued for a while — even the famous Queensbury Rules initially allowed endurance contests — by the turn of the century the general picture was one of boxing in gloves, limited-time rounds, points decisions after a fixed number of rounds had elapsed, and weight divisions, though the latter have accentuated problems of dehydration as fighters struggle to ‘make the weight’. For much of the twentieth century the history of boxing has been one of crumbling resistance to changes intended to protect further the brains and bodies of participants. Between 1984 and 1993 eight boxers had died soon after fights in the UK; bantamweight Bradley Stone was added to the list in 1994. Following a report from a medical working party, which included neurosurgeons, the British Boxing Board of Control subsequently introduced mandatory annual magnetic resonance imaging scans for all boxers to replace the less sophisticated computerized tomography which had been compulsory only for those fighting eight rounds or more. Additionally, any boxer knocked out must wait 45 days (previously 28) before he again enters the ring competitively, and he must also have a hospital check. Ringside doctors may advise referees on a fighter's condition between rounds and may recommend that the contest be stopped. Doctors also examine each boxer at the conclusion of fights and paramedic teams must be on hand at all boxing bills. The medical profession in several countries has increasingly adopted an anti-boxing stance, citing irreversible brain damage as its major objection to the sport. This is a key point for, in absolute terms of deaths and serious injuries, other sports such as horseracing, mountaineering, rugby, and even cricket appear more dangerous, but in none of them is deliberate and repeated striking of an opponent part of the rules of the game. In contrast a boxer has a licence for physical assault. The evidence is clear that repeated pummelling to the head can cause cumulative damage to the brain: here time is no great healer. Occasionally, acute brain injury can occur during a fight. The greatest danger comes towards the end when a tired man with a loose neck has his head flipped back rapidly by a punch. This can tear a vein outside or inside the brain, which then leaks blood, causing pressure on the brain and eventually leading to a coma. Only if the clot is removed rapidly can the fighter survive. Fighters now train harder; their bod-ies are fitter — but their brains are no more resilient than in the past. Some nations, notably Sweden, have already banned boxing on medical grounds. So far the British government has been reluctant to follow the Swedish lead and since 1981 five private members' anti-boxing Bills proposed in parliament have failed to reach the statute books. Most schools, both state and public, however, have dropped boxing from their physical education curriculum. Yet it should be noted that amateur boxing is exceptionally well regulated: not more than four rounds are fought, headguards are worn, and the referee is allowed to stop a fight to prevent serious injury. However, headguards, whilst absorbing energy from punches, present an even larger target to be hit and thus the number of blows striking home may well increase. Indeed, studies have shown that non-boxing sportsmen outperform even amateur fighters in neurological tests and, notwithstanding the safety precautions, three amateur fighters have suffered serious brain injury in British rings since 1988. For centuries boxing has been the epitome of overt masculinity, a demonstration of manliness and its embodying characteristics of courage, toleration of pain, and self-discipline. Women were merely ornaments displaying the round cards. This continues, but women have successfully demanded equal rights in the ring. In Britain, girls from the age of 10 are now allowed to spar in amateur boxing gyms, and recently professionalism, too, has been recognized for women — significantly later than its acceptance in the US where fights for women have appeared on the undercard of world championship events. The moral dilemma of boxing is that it provides an honest opportunity to escape poverty, but it also means for some a legal beating and for all the threat of permanent damage. Hitting below the belt is outlawed to protect the genitals, but surely the brain deserves even more protection, by reducing the concussive power of the boxing glove, developing safer headgear, excluding the head as a target — or by banning the sport altogether. The issue is not how hazardous boxing is but whether the hazards are acceptable. The term "autism" refers to a cluster of conditions appearing early in childhood. All involve severe impairments in social interaction, communication, imaginative abilities, and rigid, repetitive behaviors. To be considered an autistic disorder, some of these impairments must be manifest before the age of three. The reference book used by mental health professionals to diagnose mental disorders is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders , also known as the DSM. The 2000 edition of this reference book (the Fourth Edition Text Revision known as DSM-IV-TR ) places autism in a category called pervasive developmental disorders . All of these disorders are characterized by ongoing problems with mutual social interaction and communication, or the presence of strange, repetitive behaviors,interests, and activities. People diagnosed with these disorders are affected in many ways for their entire lives. Description Each child diagnosed with an autistic disorder differs from every other, and so general descriptions of autistic behavior and characteristics do not apply equally to every child. Still, the common impairments in social interaction, communication and imagination, and rigid, repetitive behaviors make it possible to recognize children with these disorders, as they differ markedly from healthy children in many ways. Many parents of autistic children sense that something is not quite right even when their children are infants. The infants may have feeding problems, dislike being changed or bathed, or fuss over any change in routine. They may hold their bodies rigid, making it difficult for parents to cuddle them. Or, they may fail to anticipate being lifted, lying passively while the parent reaches for them, rather than holding their arms up in return. Most parents of autistic children become aware of the strangeness of these and other behaviors only gradually. Impairments in social interaction are usually among the earliest symptoms to develop. The most common social impairment is a kind of indifference to other people, or aloofness, even towards parents and close care-givers. The baby may fail to respond to his or her name being called and may show very little facial expression unless extremely angry, upset, or happy. Babies with autism may resist being touched, and appear to be lost in their own world, far from human interaction. Between seven and 10 months of age, most infants often resist being separated from a parent or wel