ProfitsofPraise.doc

Profits of Praise　赞美的妙处  
2010-01-04 22:07:26|  分类： 百味人生 |  标签： |字号大中小 订阅
Are we too quick to blame and slow to praise? It seems we are.
　　我们是不是习惯于埋怨，却不善于赞美呢？好像确实如此。
　　　　                        Profits of Praise　赞美的妙处
       It was the end of my exhausting first day as waitress in a busy New York restaurant. My cap had gone away, my apron was stained, my feet ached. The loaded trays I carried felt heavier and heavier. Weary and discouraged, I didn't seem able to do anything right. As I made out a complicated check for a family with several children who had changed their ice-cream order a dozen times, I was ready to quit.
这是我在纽约一家繁忙的饭店筋疲力尽的第一天工作快结束的时刻，帽子不见了，围裙弄脏了，脚疼得厉害，手中的托盘变得越来越沉。疲惫，沮丧，我似乎没有做好任何事情。在给一个家庭下那复杂的菜单时，他们的小孩对冰淇淋的要求变了又变，我几乎就打算辞职不干了！
　　Then the father smiled at me as he handed me my tip. "Well done," he said. "You've looked after us really well."
　　Suddenly my tiredness vanished. I smiled back, and later, when the manager asked me how I'd liked my first day, I said, "Fine!" Those few words of praise had changed everything.
这时，他们的父亲笑着将小费递给我，“干得好！”他说，“你照顾得很周到！”
　　突然间，我的疲倦消失了。我对他报以微笑。后来，经理问我这第一天怎么样的时候，我说：“很好！”那夸赞的几个词语改变了所有的一切。
Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellows the warm sunshine of praise.　　
赞美如同阳光一样照耀着人的精神，离开了它，我们将无法开花和成长。然而，大多数人只是时刻做着冷言冷语批评别人的准备，却不情愿将赞美的温暖阳光洒向我们的伙伴。
Why—when one word can bring such pleasure? A friend of mine who travels widely always tries to learn a little of the language of any place she visits. She's not much of a linguist, but she does know how to say one word— "beautiful" — in several languages. She can use it to a mother holding her baby, or to lonely salesman fishing out pictures of his family. The ability has earned her friends all over the world.
为什么一个词语竟能带来如此的愉悦？我的一个周游广泛的朋友一直努力学习一点她所到之处的语言。她不是语言学家，但却会用好几种语言来表达这样一个词：“美丽”。她会将它用在一个抱小孩的母亲或是一个正掏出其全家福的孤单的小贩身上。这样一种能力使她在世界各地都结交了朋友。
　　It's strange how chary we are about praising. Perhaps it's because few of us know how to accept compliments gracefully. Instead, we are embarrassed and shrug off the words we are really so glad to hear. Because of this defensive reaction, direct compliments are surprisingly difficult to give. That is why some of the most valued pats on the back are those which come to us indirectly, in a letter or passed on by a friend. When one thinks of the speed with which spiteful remarks are conveyed, it seems a pity that there isn't more effort to relay pleasing and flattering comments.　　
奇怪的是我们对待赞美非常小心谨慎。可能这是由于几乎没有人懂得应该怎样优雅地接受赞美之辞，所以，当我们听到这些乐于听到的词句时却往往表现得极为尴尬或满不在乎。正是由于这种防御的反应，人们往往出奇地难以直接赞美他人。因此，一些宝贵的鼓励或赞扬通常是通过信件或是另一个朋友来间接转达。当人们奇怪为什么恶意的评论传播神速时，快乐和奉承却无法得到更有效的传达，这不得不说是个遗憾。
　 It's especially rewarding to give praise in areas in which effort generally goes unnoticed or unmentioned. An artist gets complimented for a glorious picture, a cook for a perfect meal. But do you ever tell your laundry manager how pleased you are when the shirts are done just right? Do you ever praise your paper boy for getting the paper to you on time 365 days a year?
　　赞美更值得赋予在一些往往不被人们注意或提及的努力上。艺术家因为辉煌的美术作品或厨师因为精妙的美食而得到赞美，但你是否曾经在你的衬衣洗得很干净的时候对洗衣店老板表达过你的满意？你是否曾经表扬过一年365天准时给你送纸的孩子？
　　Praise is particularly appreciated by those doing routine jobs: gas-station attendants, waitresses — even housewives. Do you ever go into a house and say, "What a tidy room"? Hardly anybody does. That's why housework is considered such a dreary grind. Comment is often made about activities which are relatively easy and satisfying, like arranging flowers; but not about jobs which are hard and dirty, like scrubbing floors. Shakespeare said, "Our praises are our wages." Since so often praise is the only wage a housewife receives, surely she of all people should get her measure.　　
赞美尤其应该给予那些做常规工作的人们：加油站的服务员、侍者——甚至家庭主妇。你有没有走进一座房子，说：“多干净的房间啊！”可能谁都没这么做过。这就是为什么人们认为家务劳动枯燥乏味的原因。人们往往将赞美之辞用在一些相对简单或舒服的事情上，比如插花；却不会用在那些困难而肮脏的活上，比如擦地板。莎士比亚曾说：“赞美即报酬。” 既然经常得到赞美是家庭主妇仅有的报酬，那么她们每个人都应该得到各自的那一份儿。
　　Mothers know instinctively that for children an ounce of praise is worth a pound of scolding. Still, we're not always as perceptive as we might be about applying the rule. One day I was criticizing my children for squabbling. "Can you never play peacefully?" I shouted. Susanna looked at me quizzically. "Of course we can," she said. "But you don't notice us when we do."
　　母亲们本能地知道对于孩子来说一盎司的赞美比一镑的怒骂更有效果。然而，我们依旧没有灵敏地按照这个规则行事。有一次，我因为孩子们的争吵而责骂他们，“你们就永远不能安静地玩会吗？”我吼道。苏珊娜嘲弄地看着我，“我们当然能了。”她说，“可是我们安静的时候，你从来就没有注意到。”
　　 Teachers agree about the value of praise. One teacher writes that instead of drowning students' compositions in critical red ink, the teacher will get far more constructive results by finding one or two things which have been done better than last time, and commenting favorably on them. "I believe that a student knows when he has handed in something above his usual standard," writes the teacher, "and that he waits hungrily for a brief comment in the margin to show him that the teacher is aware of it, too."
教师很认同赞美的意义。老师对于学生进步的几句赞美之辞比将其作文通篇淹没在红墨水之下更能得到建设性的成果。“我认为学生知道他交上来的作业中有一些东西超出了平常的水平，”老师写道，“他非常急切地等待着作文本边缘简短的表扬，证明老师很清楚这一点。”
　　Behavioral scientists have done countless experiments to prove that any human being tends to repeat an act which has been immediately followed by a pleasant result. In one such experiment, a number of schoolchildren were divided into three groups and given arithmetic tests daily for five days. One group was consistently praised for its previous performance; another group was criticized; the third was ignored.　　
行为学家已经做了无数实验表明任何人都有重复立即受到表扬的行为的倾向。有一项实验中，学生被分成三个小组，每5天会进行一次算术测验。其中有一组一直受到表扬，另一组是批评，第三组则是被忽视。
　　Not surprisingly, those who were praised improved dramatically. Those who were criticized improved also, bus not so much. And the scores of the children who were ignored hardly improved at all. Interestingly the brightest children were helped just as much by criticism as by praise, but the less able children reacted badly to criticism, needed praise the most. Yet the latter are the very youngsters who, in most schools, fail to get the pat on the back.
　　丝毫不奇怪的是，被表扬的那一组进步非常显著，受批评的组也在进步，但是并不很明显，被忽视的那组孩子分数却难以得到提高。有趣的是，对于最聪明的孩子来说，批评和表扬的结果几乎差不多，但是能力差一些的孩子却需要表扬，批评对他们只有负面的作用。但是排在最后的却是那些大多数学校里存在的得不到鼓励的学生群体。
　　 To give praise costs the giver nothing but a moment's thought and a moment's effort — perhaps a quick phone call to pass on a compliment, or five minutes spent writing an appreciative letter. It is such a small investment — and yet consider the results it may produce. "I can live for two months on a good compliment," said Mark Twain.
　　So, let's be alert to the small excellences around us —and comment on them. We will not only bring joy into other people's lives, but also, very often, added happiness into out own.
　　对别人进行赞美除了一瞬间的思考和小小的努力外不会使赞美者有任何损失——可能一个简短的电话或者花5分钟写一封赞美信就可以传递。这只是一个小小的投资——却会带来有效的成果。“一句赞美可以支撑我活两个月。”马克?吐温说。
　　所以，我们应该细心对待周围点点滴滴，并且做出赞美。这样我们不仅会给别人的生活带来愉悦，同时也常会给我们本身带来快乐。