【口译】whatmakesagoodconversation.doc

What Makes a Good Conversation?

Recently, a friend phoned me. She’s one of those people who could talk under wet cement. I’ve discovered that I can even put the phone down and attend to something in another room while she’s talking and she doesn’t even notice. A second friend phoned me that night. I was very tired, but I soon forgot my weariness as we animatedly shared our opinions, beliefs and personal experiences. Time flew, and as I went to bed very late that night, I thought “Now, that was a really good conversation!”
It occurred to me that it might be an interesting topic to research for my speech tonight. So I asked some of my friends what they thought made a good conversation. They had different suggestions, but all agreed on three main points: Mutual interest, Give and Take, Trust.
Let’s look at the first one Mutual Interest. A conversation has to be of interest to all concerned. As one friend suggested, it’s when two or more people voluntarily explore the topic. But how can we be sure that we are not boring others? We need to be sensitive to the cues our listener gives us. Someone suggested if he is pulling away from your grip, or standing on tiptoe making desperate signals to someone else he probably wants out!
All my friends agreed that a conversation thrives on the balance of giving and taking. Conversations are the building blocks of a relationship, one told me. If it leans too far in one direction, the relationship will topple.
We agreed that giving and taking can be done both through speaking and listening. Through talking we can entertain, inform, advise, and share personal experiences. We fulfill our listener’s emotional needs when we sympathize, praise or reassure him. By listening attentively we can make the other person feel good about himself, We give him an outlet for his pent up feelings, and a sounding board for his ideas. Since most people would rather talk than listen this means we sometimes have to give up our desire to speak in favor of the other person’s need to talk.
Someone mentioned active listening. We can respond non-verbally with our eyes and body language to draw out the speaker. It’s important to ask questions to show interest. Open-ended questions, Like How What Where When Why encourage the speaker to continue.
Then there’s Trust. A relationship requires mutual trust. It’s like a series of circles, someone said. The outer ring is for acquaintances. We usually use small talk on acquaintances. Small talk is a necessary medium for finding a mutual interest. It’s a way of testing the waters before plunging in. The next circle is for people we feel comfortable with. We know them well, we mix with them socially, and might even have serious conversations with them, but we don’t have a close relationship. We don’t let many into our smaller inner circle. This is for those we feel safe with, with these we can be open and honest.
I was wondering how to sum this all up when my ten-year-old neighbor called in. I asked her if she had a good friend that she enjoyed talking to.“Oh yes,” she said. “I tell my friend Emily everything.”“And who does the most talking?” I asked.“Both of us,” she said. “We’re interested in the same things. I’ve known her for years.” There we have it. Mutual interests, a balance of talking and listening and a good relationship. I think she summed it up well. But what do you think? I’ll leave it to you to decide what makes a good conversation.