英语段子.doc

英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说去你个头啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful. 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：Where? Where? 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：Everywhere, everywhere. 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.最有趣的几个英语句子1. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.麻烦没来找你，就别去自找麻烦。第一、四个trouble是动词，第二、三个trouble是名词。2. I think that that that that that student wrote on the blackboard was wrong.我认为那个学生写在黑板上的那个“that”是错误的。第一个that是连词，引起宾语从句；第二、五个that是指示代词“那个”；第三个that在这儿相当于名词；第四个that是关系代词，引起定语从句。3. I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.我知道。你知道。我知道你知道。我知道你知道我知道。4. We must hang together, or well be hanged separately.我们必须团结在一起，否则我们将被一个个绞死。这是一句双关语。前面的hang together是“团结一致”的意思，后面的hanged是“绞死”的意思。5. The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.那只敏捷的棕色狐狸跳过了一只懒惰的狗。这个句子包含了英语中的26个字母。6. Was it a bar or a bat I saw?我看到的是酒吧还是蝙蝠？这是一句回文句，顺着读和倒着读是一样的。类似于“上海自来水来自海上。”7. 上联：To China for china, China with china, dinner on china.去中国买瓷器，中国有瓷器，吃饭靠瓷器。下联：Go front door buy front door, front door no front door,behind door with front door.到前门买前门，前门没前门，后门有前门。这是一副对仗工整、妙趣横生的英汉对联。下联中的第二、四、五个“前门”指“大前门”香烟。8. 2B or not 2B, that is a ？这是一种文字简化游戏。它的意思是：To be or not to be, that is a question. (生存还是毁灭，那是一个问题。)9. He never saw a saw saw a saw.他从来没见过一把锯子锯另一把锯子。第一个saw是动词see的过去时，第二和第四个saw带有不定冠词a在前，是名词锯子,第三个saw是动词锯。幽默的英语句子 1) Money is not everything. Theres Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。 2) One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。 3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。 4)Love the neighbor. But dont get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。 5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。 6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。 7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they bee otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。 9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈） 11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。 12)Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep. 现在的梦想决定着你的将来，所以还是再睡一会吧。 13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。 14)Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk? 努力工作不会导致死亡！不过我不会用自己去证明。 15)Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours! 工作好有意思耶！尤其是看着别人工作。 16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。 17)When twos pany, threes the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！ 18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。 19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？ 六、励志的英语句子 1.No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, wont make you cry. 没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。 2.If you fail, dont forget to learn your lesson. 如果你失败了，千万别忘了汲取教训。 3.Dont waste your time on a man/woman, who isnt willing to waste their time on you. 不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间 4.Live a noble and honest life. Reviving past times in your old age will help you to enjoy your life again. 过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去，你就能再一次享受人生。 5.To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。 6.Never judge people by their appearance. 永远不要以貌取人。 7.Dont try so hard, the best things e when you least expect them to. 不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。 8.Remember the best love is to love others unconditionally rather than make demands on them. 记住：最好的爱存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。 9.Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume, and use it every time you feel you want it. 举起你的酒杯吧。不要吝啬洒上你最好的香水，你想用的时候就享用吧！ 10.Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to your needs. 寻找更多的知识，多读一些书，坐在你家的前廊里，以赞美的眼光去享受眼前的风景，不要带上任何功利的想法。 11.Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 在你想了解别人也想让别人了解你之前，先完善并了解自己。 12.Do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a SPECIAL OCCASION.