出国留学个人陈述注意事项与写作范例.doc

出国留学个人陈述注意事项与写作范例

25
2020年4月19日
文档仅供参考
　　入学申请材料中的个人陈述(PERSONAL STATEMENTS)无疑是申请人向学校推荐自己的最好机会。然而这关键的一步却令许多申请人不知从何落笔。现向大家介绍书写个人陈述过程中的十要十不要，请记住这二十条，申请人写的个人陈述自会给校方留下深刻的印象。
　　十要
　　1.一定要追求深度，把主要精力投入在一两个主题或经历上。
　　2.一定要写别人不可能写的东西，即你自己所有，而别人没有的。
　　3.一定要让评委看到你与别人的不同之处，特别是你的特长、特殊的经历经验等。
　　4.一定要实事求是，不要以为“理想的你”就是现在的你，不能让人有虚假之感。
　　5.一定要不落俗套，特别是开头几句。
　　6.一定要就各校的引人之处做个别评论。
　　7.一定要描写性格中的积极面儿；过失和错误（转载自出国留学网，请保留此信息。）在附录中解释。
　　8.一定要评价个人经历而非简单地讲故事，还要讲清楚自己在全班、全系……排第几位。
　　9.一定要请别人为你修改语法、标点、用词和风格。
　　10.一定要选择容易辨认的字体，采用通用的行距和白边。
　　十不要
　　1.不要写流水账式的简历；不简单重复她处已有的信息。
　　2.不要抱怨自己的境遇。
　　3.不要像街头演说家一样向评委布道，表示观点无可非议，但不宜狂热或极端。
　　4.不要只谈钱是求学动机之一。
　　5.不要空谈少数民族身分或劣势背景；当然若有憾人故事则不同。
　　6.不要提及申请学校排名。
　　7.不要写无意义的开头结尾。
　　8.不要采用怪异风格或包装。
　　9.不要不顾学校要求随意寄许多其它材料。
10.不要写错校名、系名、专业名甚或自己的名字。
(from:)

PS的写作方式
　　个人陈述，(PERSONAL STATEMENT，以下简称PS)是申请美国，加拿大，英国等西方国家的大学/研究生录取时由申请人写的关于自我的一篇漫谈体文章。当然有的学校要求的文章题目不一定叫PERSONAL STATEMENT，如有的学校让你写出动机(Motivation)兴趣，经历等。由于在中国的升学体制中，基本上是唯分数论的，因此中国的申请人对这类文件的写作和思维方式不熟悉。而欧美大学录取学生，发放奖学金，是经过全面综合考察申请者的条件来决定的。所谓留学文书，如PS，推荐信，RP(Research proposal),CV等是一套文件系统，用以向录取院校从各个角度展现您的求学动机，学术学习能力，工作和研究经历，结合一系列更“客观”，可量化的指标：如GRE，TOEFL，IELTS，GPA等构成您的全貌。留学文书在西方的文化背景下是申请入学(奖学金)的极为重要的组成部分。其中PS往往对您的申请是否成功起到很大的作用。笔者在为数百计的申请人进行留学文书的咨询和写作过程中发现，由于中西方教育体制的差异和网上各种良莠不齐的“范文“的误导，许多申请人的PS写作理念非常混乱，本文结合中国申请人文书写作的常见弊端，简述PS的写作要领。
　　PS的长度
　　在欧美，PS归为ESSAY(漫谈)类，是一种短小精悍的文体。笔者曾深入研究过欧美出版的优秀PS文选，无不短小精悍，内容却非常丰满，文笔优美。一般来说一篇PS的正常长度为600—800英文单词，而相当多的中国申请人的PS超长。笔者甚至见到某些人的PS写到3千多字。
　　很多中国申请人试图把自己的方方面面的优点和成绩展示出来，须知PS不是简历的详细补充，许多信息能够经过其它文件展示(如学习成绩等)。美国大学的招生人员曾谈到：在留学申请旺季时，面对堆积如山的文件，一般她们审查一个PS的时间只有2、3分钟，那种长篇大论类的PS只能让人心生厌烦。
　　PS必须紧扣所要申请那个专业的主题写，主线要明确，不要盲目的个性化
　　许多人都一知半解地听说PS需要“独特个性”(unique)，和“煽情”(Emotional),因此挖空心思地找自己的“独特“点和乱“煽情“，结果往往南辕北辙，许多中国申请人往往用大段篇幅写一些不相干的个性，在招生者眼中，这完全不着边际(make no sense)。必须明确，PS这样一篇短短数百字的文章是没有地方去说不相干的废话的。经过PS您必须让招生者知道您选择该专业的明确和强烈的动机，同时具备充分的条件完成该专业的学习。当然在这个基础上每个人都能够经过很独特而有个性的文字来表示自己。如笔者曾经修改过一份申请CS(计算机专业)的PS，原文用了数百字描述她如何开展班级工作的经历。笔者将其改为：我喜欢思考，如何让事物运转得更有效率。在大学期间我担任班级文艺委员职务。在工作初期，成员经常因为性格、工作方式各异产生矛盾。后来我根据每个人情况，让性格外向，善于与人交际的人做外联及工作将协调沟通的工作；让善于思考、思维活跃、勇于创新的人做各项工作的筹备及策划工作；让有远见、有凝聚力的人做整个工作的进度安排、及分配各项任务。这样安排的结果是系统发挥了最佳效率。既突出了个性，又紧扣申请CS专业应具有的严谨的系统思维能力这一重要素质体现了出来。
　　结构简单，衔接紧密，
　　主线明确，便于理解
　　“Simple is the best”请记住，招生人员每天要读大量的申请资料，只有那种简单有力重点突出的的文章才能打动招生人员。留学文书其实是您个人的广告，您仔细想想，给您留下深刻印象的广告哪个不是简明而有力的？中国申请人往往倾向于把自己的优点不分主次全都告诉招生人员，导致的结果就是招生人员对您的整体印象的模糊。笔者认为，PS中什么都是重点，就等于没有重点。
　　精心安排PS和其它
　　文件的关系
　　如上所述，PS，推荐信，简历等文件构成一整套申请文件系统，既需要相互应证，也需要这些文件各有侧重点。因此在写作这些文件之前必须总体构思安排文章的布局和每个文件突出的重点。许多申请人将本该由简历或推荐信突出的内容放在PS中，这样不但造成信息的无效重复，同时弱化了PS应起的作用。
　　语言表示层面上一定要用
　　地道的英语
中国人自己读得很顺的英语往往是按中文的语言逻辑写成的“中式英语”,不但会大大削弱您想表示的意思,产生误解,而且会让招生人员看起来很枯燥无味(DULL).有些申请人，特别是考过GRE的申请人，用词句式过于夸张，古怪，不符合英语的思维习惯和文风。这种中国学院英语，其实经常让外国教授难以理解或是看后笑得前仰后合。完成的文件最好由母语人士进行修改。
(from:)

出国留学个人陈述的范文
Accepted at Illinois, Indiana, Michigan State, Chicago Kent
Rejected: DePaul, Ohio State, University of Chicago
Waitlisted: Wisconsin, Loyola Chicago
While attending the University of Illinois, I have enjoyed many opportunities to learn about the environment while developing an interest in the law. Hands-on experiences in the lab, field work across the state, and lectures from leading researchers engaged my mind and captured my interest. Studying ecology and the world’s environmental problems has instilled in me a deep appreciation for the environment as well as a desire to learn how attorneys utilize regulatory systems to protect it. Participating in an undergraduate research project on climate change, interning in a methylmercury lab, and taking an environmental law class have inspired me to attend law school to pursue my interest in learning how the law can address environmental problems.
During spring semester , I began a research project on climate change under the direction of Dr. Tony Endress. We analyzed climate data from the past 100 years to investigate how the observed variations affected the phenology of Illinois flora. The engaging research revealed the extent to which climate change alters the function and timing of processes in ecosystems. I continued researching environmental problems last summer with the National Great Rivers Research and Education Center. As an intern in Dr. Robert Hudson’s lab at the University of Illinois, I conducted a research project on methylmercury in crayfish and odonates from the Piasa Creek Watershed in southeastern Illinois. Methylmercury, a widespread neurotoxin especially hazardous to developing organisms, is found throughout the world’s aquatic ecosystems and poses a threat to public and ecosystem health. Although I enjoyed contributing to the academic community with my research, I wanted to do something more tangible about the problems I studied. Applying the law to diminish threats to human and environmental well-being would simultaneously achieve social and environmental justice, benefiting both humans and nature.
Both research endeavors have been fascinating, rewarding projects, but research alone cannot satisfy me professionally. The legal system makes connections between science and regulatory policy, allowing the results of scientific research to engender change that benefits society. My research projects inspired me to learn how to use the law to improve ecosystem quality and to protect human well-being. I am interested in developing policies that protect species from hazardous exposure to methylmercury and other toxins by reducing their abundance in ecosystems. In law school, I hope to learn how to craft a practical regulatory system that mitigates the negative effects of climate change on society and the environment. As a lawyer, I want to apply science through the law to make a positive change in the world.
While my research projects directed me towards specific issues to examine in a legal context, studying the law as an undergraduate inspires me to explore deeper aspects of legal structures and how they affect environmental well-being in law school. Last semester in environmental law class, I found my niche. Reading and discussing cases in class captured my interest every day because I felt passionate about each issue and was fascinated by the legal arguments used in each situation. Although the course focused on many cases and a variety of legal issues, at the end of the class I wanted to know more. Continuing my legal studies in law school will provide the tools I need to achieve my goal of applying science through the law, thus improving human and environmental wellbeing. With my future aspirations in mind, I look forward to the rewarding challenges of law school.
（from：.org）

出国留学个人陈述金融工程专业范文
申请专业：金融工程
　　在我看来金融工程是一种创新、创造技术，一种对金融工具、金融手段和系统的创造和创新技术，一种平衡收益和风险的技术.它包含了数学,计算机,金融方面的知识,是一门充满了趣味的交叉学科,而数学知识和数学模型是这个学科中必不可少的核心内容：马科维茨的投资组合选择理论，夏普的资本资产定价模型，Black-Scholes的期权定价模型以及考克斯等人的“二项式”模型正是这种核心地位的体现。
　　In my opinion, the Financial Engineering is a kind of creative technology to the Financial Instruments, Financial Means and system. It used to balance the benefits and venture as an interesting interdisciplinary subject. It covers many fields such as mathematics, computer science and finance, in which the mathematics and mathematical modeling are the two main aspects of the Financial Engineering. The Investment Portfolio Theory of Markowitz, the capital asset pricing model of the Sharp, Option Pricing Model of Black-Scholes and “Binomial” model of Cox can best reflect the critical position of the two subjects.
　　我有幸选择了数学与应用数学这个专业，在三年和它的接触了解中，使我对数学，特别对数学建模有了较深的理解和体会。(记得第一次去听清华大学XX系姜启源教授的讲座,她在讲座上举了一个“现实生活中的数学”例子：“1公斤面, 1公斤馅, 包100个饺子;若馅比 1公斤多, 应多包几个, 还是少包几个呢? ” 是这个生动、形象、富于生活气息的包饺子问题把我领进了数学建模的世界。)
I am glad to choose mathematics and applied mathematics. Three years’ study had deepened my understanding of them, especially of mathematical modeling. (It still occurs to me when I went to attend the class of XX department given by Professor Jiang qiyuan in Tsinghua University for the first time. “1 kilogram of flour added with 1 kilogram of stuffing can make 100 dumplings, but what if the stuffing is more than 1 kilogram?” He used a very simple, vivid and interesting example which aroused my interest and led me into the mathematical modeling world.
第一次和数学建模亲密接触是在 的暑假，我有幸参加了学校组织的数学建模培训。经验丰富的数学老师们经过实实在在的例子告诉我们什么是数学建模。给我印象最深的是一个关于SARS的例子： ，SARS爆发并在世界范围内传播，严重影响到中国经济发展和人民生活，定量的研究SARS的传播规律并建立数学模型预测和控制传染病蔓延成为数学工作者必须解决的问题……于是Logistic回归便成为我永恒的记忆。为期2周的数学建模培训，给我留下的不但是一个个经典的数学模型，更重要的是一份澎湃的激情和一份冷静的思考：数学和数学建模是人类的守护神，因为有了她的存在，人类的生存和发展才有条不紊的继续着;那么当SARS病毒肆无忌惮时，当AIDS病毒肆意侵蚀人们肉体时，一个热爱数学、热爱数学建模，更加热爱生命的人能够做些什么?
　　The first time I kissed the mathematical modeling was in the summer vacation of , when I got a good opportunity to attend the mathematical modeling training organized by our school. Seasoned mathematics teachers told me what on earth the mathematical modeling is through some existing examples, in which the one about SARS impressed me most. In , SARS broke out and shrouded rapidly to the whole world, which imperiled our economic development and people’s living. Therefore, study on its spreading regularity and building the mathematical modeling for predicting and controlling its extension had become the “Archimedes Heels” for all mathematicians… So, the Logistic regression has been carved in my memory. Two weeks’ training has presented me with a kind of passion and calm thinking much more than just those classical mathematical models. As the patron saint of our human-beings, the existence of Mathematics and mathematical modeling are maintaining our subsistence and development. Then, when SARS ran riot, when we are suffering from the pain of AIDS, what can I do as a mathematics and mathematical modeling lover who loves life so much?
　　怀着这份激情和思考，在大二的秋天，我第一次尝试了运用数学建模的知识去解决实际问题，我和另外两名队员代表学校参加了全国大学生数学建模比赛。比赛要求结合数据对长江水质做出定量评价，分析各地区的水质污染;并对未来长江水质污染发展趋势做出预测分析，制定污水处理计划。长达17页的数据和多个评价指标对我们来说着实是个挑战!究竟应该选择哪些数据?怎样综合考虑多个指标?我们尝试了近一天，推翻了以前建立的种种模型，有好几次都被弄得想要放弃，是队友间的相互鼓励的力量和锲而不舍的精神让我们最终找到了自己满意的模型：综合指数法模型评价长江水质，既体现水质的各种评价因子，又能反映主要污染物对水质的突出作用;经过多元线性回归拟合预测未来水质污染，建立线性优化模型，制定污水处理计划。我们小组的参赛论文获北京市二等奖。三天三夜的建模经历，那份澎湃的激情已经渐渐平息，取而代之的是更加冷静的思考：数学建模创造、创新，成功地解决问题依赖于扎实的数学基础知识和过硬的数学建模能力;依赖于不拘一格的创新思维和创造能力;还依赖于对多方面知识的了解和积累。
　　Pocketed with this passion and thinking, I tasted to use mathematical modeling into practice and solve the practical problems by attending the National College Mathematical Modeling Contest with the other two schoolmates on behalf of our college. It required us to evaluate the water quality of Changjiang River according to the data, through which we had to analyze the water pollution in every region and predict the trend of it in the future. Finally we had to bring out the plan against it. It was really a challenge for us towards flood of data and estimations as long as 17 pages. We tried almost a whole day only to filter those data and take the evaluations into comprehensive account. Pulling down various models we had built before, we were so defeated that we wanted to give up many times. However, we finally found the satisfactory model thanks to our encouragement to each other which armed us with full strength to go further.We managed to evaluate the water quality by Composite index model, which could not only represent the evaluation factors, but also reflect the main impacts of the contaminations to the water pollution. We predicted the future water pollution through multiple linear regressions fitting and brought out the plan against it by building linear optimization model. Finally, we got the second prize in Beijing for our thesis. Three days’ and nights’ modeling experience had cooled our passion and gave us even more calm thinking instead. The creation of the mathematical modeling, along with the successful solution to the problems through it lied on the solid mathematics foundation, strong modeling ability, accumulation of the knowledge on different fields, unique creative ideas and creativity.
　　参加数学建模比赛的经历更加激发起我的学习兴趣，使我在学习数学理论的同时更加注重它们的应用性。除此之外，我抓住一切可能的机会再次参加实际的数学建模。大三的上学期，我有幸参加了为期3天的电工数学建模实习：给某大型运动会比赛项目排序。由于对图论知识很熟悉，我很快将问题转化为寻找最佳Hamilton回路。接近87亿种不同的排序的数据量，比上次的全国数模竞赛更大，我的算法运行时间相当长而且运行的结果也很不理想。这种情况的发生不但仅没有打消我的积极性,反而使我的情绪高涨,这是人生中难得的自我考验,自我提高的机会!经过查询资料改用遗传算法，运行时间和结果都大大提高.最后成功地完成这次实习.这次实习给我的感触很大，一个数学模型是否能够完美地解决实际问题还要考虑其运算成本，实际问题不但需要一个成功的模型还需要一个快速有效的算法。
　　The experience from this contest further aroused my interest in mathematics. I began to pay more attention to its application as well as learning the theories. In addition, I tried to catch every opportunity to take part in the practical mathematical modeling. My efforts finally rewarded when I was in the first term as a junior. I had a chance to participate in the 3-day electrician mathematical modeling practice-----classifying the sports programs for a big sports meeting. Being familiar with the Graph Theory, I immediately found the way to solve the problems by seeking the best Hamilton circuit line. Facing the nearly 8.7 billion data files with different orders much more than that on the National Mathematical Modeling Contest, I spent a long time on Algorithm without any perfect result. I wasn’t defeated towards this case, but so excited instead that I could have such a chance to challenge and improve myself. Looking up dozens of files, I finally made a perfect end of the practice by using the Genetic Algorithm into full account. It needs both a successful model and an effective arithmetic to solve these problems. , which largely shortened the operation time and improved the operation result. I learnt a lot from this practice. I came to know that to build successful mathematics modeling that can effectively solve the practical problems, we must take the operation cost.
电工数模实习结束后，浓厚的学习兴趣和电工数学实习的教训促使我和数学系、计算机系几名同学共同筹划并创立“数学建模沙龙”，将计算机算法和数学模型共同作为沙龙的主题。每周二下午，我们会组织有兴趣的同学一起，以传授经验、分享心得、共同思考、共同讨论的方法学习和交流数学思想和算法。传统的运输问题、储存问题和新兴的模拟退火算法、蚂蚁算法都曾成为我们的讨论话题。经过这个活动我从数学系和计算机系的同学身上分享了更多的知识,她们的思维方式,处理问题的方法!到当前为止这个活动依然在进行着,参加的人数也越来越多.带动了学校的一个学习热潮,我为此感到非常的兴奋!
　　Summarizing my failures in the mathematical modeling electrician practice and proceeding from my interest in this field, I began to think of collaborating on the “Mathematical Modeling Saloon” with several students from mathematics and computer departments, taking the Computer Algorithms and mathematical modeling as the two themes of the book. Every Tuesday afternoon, we would organized those students interested in this field to study and exchange the ideas and arithmetic by imparting experience, sharing what we learnt, pondering together and discussing with each other. Both the traditional transportation & storage problems and the modern Stimulated Annealing Arithmetic (SAA), Ant Algorithm have ever been the topic of our discussion, from which I have learnt many thinking styles and methods to the problems from the students both in mathematics and computer department. So far, I am excited to see that this activity is still in the wind with more and more participants and it aroused a learning upsurge in our college.
　　在老师的推荐下，大三暑假，我参加了邢永丽老师的教学改革项目——