跨文化交际论文-亲子关系.docx

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Differences of Parent-child Relationships in the West and China
Abstract: Parent-child relationships play a great role in modern society for they influence the education of children, the harmony of families, and the stability of society. Relationships affected by different cultures between children and their parents from childhood to early adulthood are different in the West and China, which causes different kinds of characters. In this essay, parent-child relationships in the West and China will be contrasted to find out their differences and why they are different. The parent-child relationship in the West tend to be communicative equally, relatively independent and explicit. Discuss its reasons from Holy bible, geography. The parent-child relationship in China tend to be obedient, or relatively dependent, implicit. Explore its causes from Confucianism, especially filial piety.
Key words: Parent-child Relationship, the West, China, differences, cause
I. Introduction
According stages of psychosocial development, a person experiences eight stages from birth to death. In each stage, some significant relationships affect the person’s growing up. For example, the relationship between parents and kids is crucial in early childhood, the relationship between family and children in preschool age. (Erikson, 2009) Therefore, man’s behaviors, thinking way mostly depends on the family, especially parents. Family serves to locate children socially and plays a major role in their enculturation and socialization. (Russon, 2003) During this process of enculturation, relationships between parents and children play a role for they enables children to be well-educated, creative and productive.
The parent-child relationship is a combination of behaviors, feelings, and expectations that are unique to a particular parent and a particular child from birth, infancy, childhood and adolescence to early adulthood. (Post, 2003) The parents and children can develop a life-long relationship. From very beginning of the relationship, both sides are influenced by historical, cultural, and social-environmental factors. However, child-parent relationships from childhood to early adulthood are different in the West and China, which will be contrasted to analyze their differences and what causes it.
II. Contrast: Parent-child Relationships in the West and China
A. The Parent-child Relationship in the West
Parent-child relationships in the West tend to be communicative equally, relatively independent and explicit.
Western parents show respect for the opinions of each of their children by allowing them to be different to pursuit their own dream. Parents allow discuss rules and make with children. They may be firm to discipline for their mistakes, but usually with affection rather than power. When punishing a child, the parent are likely to explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to such kind of punishment because it is reasonable and fair. They allow children to make their own decisions. Parents try to understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate their feelings. Even with high expectations of maturity, parents are usually forgiving of any possible shortcomings. (Berger, 2011)
When children make mistakes, parents’ response is smiles and encourage them to do it again instead of helping them to finish it no matter how young they are. Find out ways to solve problems by themselves is important. They also may help their children to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Parents encourage children to be independent but still place limits on their actions. (Santrock, 2007) This style of parenting often results in children who are independent and happy to consider their parents as their friends. This relatively independent relationship also push parents train children to clean up house or toilet which may begin as early as when children can sit upright. Children are expected to enter the adult world of work when they are still quite young: girls assume domestic responsibilities, and boys do outside farm work. Children move outside and earn money after eighteen years old.
In the west, children often speak out their love to parents. Children or parents say, “I love you” to each other, which is a common scene. If children do a thing perfectly, parents will be proud of them and praise them. Their emotion is more outward.
B. The Parent-child Relationship in China
Parent-child relationships in China tend to be obedient, or relatively dependent, implicit.
Chinese parents believe children belong them for parents give kids lives and bring up them so always claims with authority. So Parent-child Relationships in China tend to be dominate and submissive. Parents have a rigid set of rules and expectations that are strictly enforced and require obedience. Children must follow those clear standards set by serious parents. When the rules are not followed, punishment is most often used to promote future obedience. (Fletcher, Walls, Cook, Madison, & Bridges, 2008) These punishments for misbehavior are consistent, sometimes violent, relying on physical punishment. They expect absolute obedience from the child without any questioning. They also expect the child to accept the family beliefs and principles without questions.
Parents always demand their children to do what they are eager to do or what they believe is good for children. They do not think about children’s response. They ask their children follow their directions with little to no explanation or feedback and focus on the children’s and family's perception and status. They are well-intentioned. They want to teach kids how to behave and survive in society.（Bolin, 2006）But parents do not allow children to choose by themselves. It causes that children appear to excel in one special period but limiting development in others. Children’s other skills cannot be improve except direct parental control decline so that their own supervision and opportunities increase. This kind of parent-child relationship is relatively dependent, not only for the child who are growing up but also for parents who are older. Children in adolescence or young adulthood may want to resist this relationship with parents, but they must realize their responsibility to care for their parents who are grey-haired.
It is not common to give more positive encouragement to their children. They tell others or constantly remind children that they are not as good as other or give kids negative responses such as future trouble in getting a wonderful job if he or she does not study hard. Parents would buy a scarf or shoes, or say "wear more cloths in winter" rather say "I love you".
III. Causes: Why Parent-child Relationships in the West and China are Different
A. Causes of the Parent-child Relationship in the West
It can be discovered in Holy bible (International Bible Society, 2007) what kind of culture influences parent-child relationships in the West.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
2 Corinthians 10:12 When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
Psalms 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Ezekiel 19:20 The son will not share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him. (pp. 334-1059)
Therefore, parents believe they can inflict punishment upon children but there are reasons and punishment cannot cause too much damage on children’s body. If children have any question or dissatisfied, parents can explain why they do it in this way. Parents had better not do something mighty or forceful to anger children. Parents are supposed to encourage children to activate them if there is no need to punish or they want to educate children by comparing children with others. Parents should be proud to have such a brilliant child and accept the child really do wonderfully. Besides, westerns insist that everyone is created equal at birth. The concept of equality is carved in their hearts. Parents and children can communicate in the equal status. So parent-child relationships in the West are equally communicative.
Children is a reward from God so parents have no rights to force them do what they want or pursuit like Chinese parents. From Ezekiel 19:20 and individualism that westerns believe the importance of the individual and the virtue of self-reliance and personal independence, it also can be claimed that children and parents are relatively dependent. They do not share the guilt of each other while it is all the father's fault in China if children don't know how to do it.
Another factor is geography. Most west countries are coastal and lands toward sea, which lead to overseas expansion, outgoing and aggressive characters and direct expression.
B. Causes of the Parent-child Relationship in China
What influence parent-child relationship in China mostly is Confucianism, especially for one of its classical standards (loyalty, filial piety, continence, righteousness) for humanistic -- filial piety. Filial piety in Chinese, xiao, is like an elder being carried by a son (Ikels, 2004), means being good to parents and ancestors. As central to Confucian role ethics, filial piety is applied to general obedience. (Chang & Kalmanson, 2010) Xiao Jing or Classic of Filial Piety mentions: “The body, hair and skin, all have been received from the parents, and so one doesn’t dare damage them—that is the beginning of xiao.” (Feng Xinming, trans. 2007, p.2) That explains why Chinese are usually obedient to their parents. Life and flesh is given by parents. So nobody have rights to hurt their body, including hair.
In the other hand, parents have right to control children who should do what parents say according to it. Chinese love collectivism emphasizing the significance of groups, their identities, goals, etc. So if parents’ goals do not achieve, they wish children to replace them to come out their dreams. Life with family is another example of collectivism. Both parents and children are more comfortable and habitual to live in a big group.
Confucian teach Chinese to be modest and educate children with negative language so parents usually hesitate to say enthusiastic and encouraged words to children. They tend to act instead of speaking. Children will understand parents when they become older or have kids and be aware of the duty of serving his parent during their daily living and illnesses.
IV. Conclusion
Different cultures shape different parent-child relationships. Actually, relationships between parents and children both in the West and China have a period of tension increased with the adult children's age. A person needs enough freedom but he also cannot lack the education of parents. With time flying, western and Chinese cultures are confronted so relationships between parents and children are gradually changing and colorful. No matter which kind of parent-child relationship, there is always something deserved drawing lessons from it in further study.
V. References
1. Bolin, Inge. (2006). Growing up in a culture of respect: Child rearing in highland peru. Austin, TX: University of Texas Press.
2. Chang, Wonsuk & Kalmanson, Leah (2010). Confucianism in context: Classic philosophy and contemporary issues, East Asia and beyond (p. 68). New York, NY: Suny Press.
3. Erikson, Erik. (2009). PSY 345 Lecture Notes - Ego Psychologists. Retrieved from http://www.lifemodel.org/download/Model%20Building%20Appendix.pdf
4. Fletcher, A. C., Walls, J. K., Cook, E. C., Madison, K. J., & Bridges, T. H. (2008). Parenting Style as a Moderator of Associations between Maternal Disciplinary Strategies and Child Well-Being. Journal of Family Issues 29 (12): 1724–1744. doi:10.1177/0192513X08322933.
5. Ikels, Charlotte (2004). Filial piety: Practice and discourse in contemporary East Asia (pp. 2–3). Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.
6. International Bible Society. (2007). Holy bible: new international version, NIV (pp.334-1059). Nangjing: China Christian Council.
7. Post, B. Bryan. (2003). For all things a season: An essential guide to a peaceful parent/child relationship. Mountain View, OK: M. Brynn Publishing.
8. Russon, John. (2003). Human experience: Philosophy, neurosis, and the elements of everyday life (pp. 61–68). Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.
9. Santrock, J.W. (2007). A topical approach to life-span development (3rd ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
10. Strassen Berger, Kathleen. (2011). The developing person through the life span (p. 273). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.
11. Zeng, Zi. (2007). Xiao Jing-the classic of Xiao, with English translation & Commentary (Feng Xinming, Trans.). Shangdong: Shandong Friendship Publishing House.