批改网第一单元作文反馈.doc

批改网第一单元作文反馈
一、上交整体情况：

已上交学校作文见文件：《各校第一单元作文集》
未上交学校：

二、优秀作文欣赏
What My Life Will Be Like in 20 Years
姓名
北京十八中
学号
8720640
考试序号
1
班级
初二(丰台区初二备课组长)班
分数
95
How is everything going with you? I'm glad to receive your letter on 3rd March. I'm writing to talk about my future life with you.
Twenty years later, I'll be an energetic woman in my thirties. I'm going to be very successful in my career. At that time, I will have been a popular English teacher in my beloved junior high school in which I'm studying now. Sometimes I will give my students online classes through the internet and sometimes we are all present in the classroom in person. When we are at school, playing games with my students and helping them with their difficulties will be my routine between classes. As an enthusiastic teacher, I like to share my time with my lovely children. However, I am going to insist on my hobby --- reading books, which I developed when I was young. When I'm free from my business, going on line and chatting with my friends and teachers will be a perfect way of killing time. With the development of the technology, I will live an easy and comfortable life. Needless to say, I won't need to clean the house or wash clothes, for the intelligent robot which is invented already will do all tasks like that. In my daily life, cellphones will play a very important role, acting as remote controls, computers, and so on. With a handsome husband who loves me, I will live a happy life together with him. As I dream, a lovely girl will come into our life, who is our angel.
Playing with her can be so sweet a task, and I will attempt to take good care of her. Having a happy family and so many new productions, I will enjoy my future life.
My future life
姓名
右安门外国语学校
学号
8720675
考试序号
2
班级
初二(丰台区初二备课组长)班
分数
92.5
In twenty years, I will be thirty-four years old. I think I will be a successful and happy person.
I will be a good English translator and I will have my English class. I will love my job because I love English. I do not often go to the office because I can work at home, according to the diary of my work list. I won't need to wake up early and I can work until late at night I think people must have enough sleep, in order to better work.
I will leave home and live in my own flat. However, I will live near my parents and I will visit them often, I will never forget my parents. Every year, we will have a family trip together.
In my spare time, I’m going to speak English and travel around the world. I like the quiet reading, reading my favorite book will read all kinds of English books to enrich my work experience...
I like to speak English, so I have to study English with my friends every day, and have a conversation with my friends.
I will enjoy my life a lot because I will spend my time how I want to. Life will be so exciting wonderful and comfortable. I even dream of my future life, which is what I want.
I'm sure my dream will come true because of my hard work and the life in the future will get better and better.
What will my life be like in 20 years?
姓名
分院附属学校
学号
8720648
考试序号
3
班级
初二(丰台区初二备课组长)班
分数
90
In twenty years, I will be thirty-three years old. I think that I will be a successful and happy person. Life will be so interesting and comfortable.
I would like to be a teacher in the future and use more technology in my job. I will enjoy my job very much because I like teaching students. After class, I will play basketball with my students on the playground. Sometimes I will help my students with other subjects. I think I will make good friends with my students. I will build a website to help my students learn and give them lesson and homework online. I will work near my home, so I often go to work by bike. I won't need to wake up early and work until late at night.
I will leave and live my own flat. However, I will live near my parents so that we can have dinner and watch TV shows every day. I can also help my parents do the housework on the weekend and chat with my friends online.
In 20 years, the robots in my home will do all the housework, so in my spare time, I will have time to read books and drink a cup of coffee. I like sports, too. So I will go swimming with my friend, listen to some music with my family, watch TV with my family. Every year we will also have a family trip together. I think I will enjoy my family life because I love being with my family.
In 20 years, the Internet has become part of our daily life. Being online is no longer something strange. We can use it do almost things. At that time, perhaps we can even go to online school at home. Shopping will be easy and fast. People can book tickets office or buy everything they need at home.
I will enjoy my life a lot because I will spend my time how I want to. And I can live with my parents. Life will be so interesting and comfortable.
Rather than, I am 14 years old. But I'm sure I can make my dream come true.
What Will My Life Be like in 20 Years
姓名
北京十二中
学号
8720641
考试序号
4
班级
初二(丰台区初二备课组长)班
分数
90
In twenty years, I will be thirty-four years old. I think I will be successful and I will be the most famous football player in the world.
Just like my dream, I will be a football player and I will play football in the best league. I will be the best football player because I can have a lot of goals in the game. So, from now on I must practise the football skills every day to improve my skill. It is necessary, I think, to overcome all of the difficulty. And if I have a chance, I will play football for my favourite football club-The Manchester United. I think I can play football just like Ronaldo. I will get on well with my coach and my teammates and do a lot of charities. They will support me to do my best in every game. That will be the key to my success. So, I will be famous for my football skills.
I will live with my parents, my wife and my son in the future. I will play football with my son. Actually, I hope my son can also play football very well.
In fact, because I am an athlete, I don't expect I will have lots of spare time to spend. I will be busy playing football for my club. Fortunately, I can do things that I like. So I will be happy every day.
In the future, I will enjoy my life because I will spend my time how I want to. I can also do my favorite things and accompany the most important people forever. Life will be so interesting and comfortable. Totally, this is the life I want. Most importantly, I will do my best every day.
三、普遍问题

主要问题是句子不规范。
1. 句子不完整。
Because there are many famous people.
 I will live in my own big house. Maybe in the other city.
2. 大小写、标点符号不规范。
it is so interesting.
I think I\'ll wear all kinds of color clothes, like jeans ,sports T-shirts .
3. 词性误用。
I live very happy.
Then I can use computer management my company.

具体错误参见文件；《第一单元作文错误》