英语故事.doc

英语幽默小故事
　 　Midway Tactics
　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
　　中间战术
　　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
　　右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
　　Very Pleased to Meet You
　　During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
　　One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
　　Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
　　Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
　　"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
　　"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
　　"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
　　在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
　　一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
　　后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
　　琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
　　“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
　　“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
　　“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
　　Two Soldiers
　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
　　Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
　　Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
　　Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
　　George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
　　"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
　　军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
　　比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
　　乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
　　这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
　　比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
　　乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
　　“你还要什么?”比尔问。
　　乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
　　Five Months Older
　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
　　But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
　　"How old are you?" he said.
　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.
　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
　　大五个月
　　第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
　　可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
　　“你多大了?”军医问。
　　“十八，长官。”约翰说。
　　“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
　　约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”