英语剧本NOBODYFAMOUS.doc

NOBODY FAMOUS
By D. M. Bocaz-Larson
Cast of Characters

BRENDA: An actress who has a chance at being famous.
HEATHER: Brenda's slightly ditsy friend who takes her to see Mooch.
MOOCH: A fortune teller who is having an insightful day.
JOE: An angry customer of Mooch's who didn't like her prediction.
GINA: Brenda's agent.
BARRY: A movie scout.

There is also the VOICE OF REPORTER that can be prerecorded.

Time and Place: Present day psychic reading parlor.

Scene 1

(Front room of Madame Mooch's Mystery Readings and Message Parlor. BRENDA waits impatiently alone. HEATHER appears from a curtained area)

BRENDA: This is so stupid... can we go now? It's Saturday night and there's other places I'd rather be...
HEATHER: (Rushes in UC from curtains) You'll never guess who she said I was in one of my past lives.
BRENDA: Let's see. Cleopatra?
HEATHER: How did you know?
BRENDA: Psychic's always say women were Cleopatra... For some reason, everyone wants to be her. Personally, I'd rather have been someone longer lived. What a way to go. Snake bite to the breast. Ouch.
HEATHER: You don't think it's true?
BRENDA: Heather, these people aren't for real. Don't you read the disclaimers?(Holds up brochure) For entertainment purposes only.

HEATHER
She seems so real... so convincing...

MOOCH
(Enters from curtained area)
Oh, sorry. I didn't know anyone was still here?

BRENDA
Yeah, she's real perceptive.

MOOCH
(Ties up curtains so audience can now see a table with a crystal ball on top and two chairs)
Does you friend want a reading?

HEATHER
Yes!

BRENDA
No!

HEATHER
Come on, Brenda. I'll pay for it.

BRENDA
Don't waste your money.

HEATHER
It's just for fun. You said it yourself: for entertainment purposes only. What do you have to fear?

BRENDA
Fear itself?

MOOCH
Come, come. I won't bite.

BRENDA
Yeah, but I might.

HEATHER
There, I paid for it.
(Gives MOOCH money)

MOOCH
(Holds bill up to light)
I feel my power returning to me.

BRENDA
The power of the U.S. Mint.

HEATHER
Go on.

BRENDA
(Goes UC)
Fine, let's get this over with.

MOOCH
(Starts to close curtain)
The spirits come to me.

BRENDA
Leave the curtain open. I want witnesses.

HEATHER
You sure you want me to watch. It gets kind of private.
(Sits in a nearby waiting room chair)

BRENDA
Private? Then I definitely want you to watch.
(Sits in chair by crystal ball)

MOOCH
(Sits in other chair)
So what do you want to know?

BRENDA
The quickest way out of here.

HEATHER
Don't be difficult, Brenda. Try to have fun with it.

BRENDA
Fine. What are this week's winning lottery numbers?

MOOCH
3-5-9-20-25-49 and the Powerball is...
(Draws card from Taro deck)
7.

BRENDA
Pretty specific.

HEATHER
(Writes the numbers down)
Why didn't I think to ask that?

BRENDA
What else do you see in the cards?

MOOCH
(Draws more cards)
I see your past and your future.

BRENDA
Let me guess. I was Cleopatra too. How is it possible for so many people to be Cleopatra? I know... maybe she had a split personality.

MOOCH
I'm afraid in your past you were nobody famous.

BRENDA
(Surprisingly disappointed)
Nobody? Ever?

MOOCH
Never ever.

BRENDA
What about my future?

MOOCH
You will be famous one day.

BRENDA
Now or in a future life.

MOOCH
Would you like to be famous in this life?

BRENDA
What do you mean?

MOOCH
In everyone's life cycles, they are allowed one time to be famous.

BRENDA
Only once huh?
(Amused. Smiles at HEATHER)

MOOCH
Do you wish it to be this one?

BRENDA
(Laughs)
Sure, why not?

MOOCH
(Her voice booms)
Then so be it!
(A big boom, like thunder is heard. The lights flicker and go out. When the lights come on again MOOCH is gone)

BRENDA
That was weird.

HEATHER
(Rushes to BRENDA and looks around table)
Where'd she go?

BRENDA
Behind the curtain no doubt.

HEATHER
(Checks curtain)
It's solid wall behind here.

BRENDA
Then through a trap door. It doesn't matter. Let's go.

HEATHER
(They head for front door)
You have to admit. That was pretty spooky.

BRENDA
And completely fake.
(Mimics MOOCH)
"You can only be famous once in your life cycles."
(Laughs)
What a fraud. She's not even a good fake psychic.

JOE
(Enters through front door)
Oh, hey! Aren't you that actress?

BRENDA
Who? Me?

JOE
Yeah, the one is the play downtown. What's it called? A Brush with Destiny. That's it.

HEATHER
Did you see her?

JOE
Yeah, you were incredible.

BRENDA
(Shrugs)
Thanks.

JOE
Did you see the review in today's paper?
(Holds up paper)

HEATHER
You got a review?
(Takes paper and looks)

BRENDA
That reviewer is an idiot. He wouldn't know a play if a stage fell on him.

HEATHER
Oh, my gosh. This review is really good.

BRENDA
You're kidding. He never likes anything.

JOE
He sure liked you.

HEATHER
(Reads)
Brenda Star lives up to her name. Her radiant talent brightens this otherwise ordinary play.

BRENDA
Let me see that.
(Takes paper)
This is so great! My agent will go nuts.

JOE
Maybe I better get your autograph. Sounds like you're going to make it big.

HEATHER
(Pulls out pen and hands it to BRENDA)
Here.

BRENDA
(Laughs and signs newspaper)
There you go.

JOE
Thanks.
(Looks around)
I guess Madame Mooch stepped out. I'll come back later.
(Exits)

HEATHER
We better go get a copy of the paper so you can show your agent.

BRENDA
Wait a minute. This smells like a set up.

HEATHER
What do you mean?

BRENDA
Wasn't that awfully good timing? She says I'm going to be famous and then this guy comes in here and acts like I'm some new star.

HEATHER
But how could she fake that newspaper review?

BRENDA
(Scowls)
Good point.

HEATHER
So do you think there might be something to this psychic thing?

BRENDA
It's a coincidence. That's all.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello? Hi, Gina.
(To HEATHER)
It's my agent.

HEATHER
I'll bet she saw the review.

BRENDA
Yeah, I read it.
(Pause)
Very good.
(Shocked)
What?
(Pause)
No way.

HEATHER
What is it? What?

BRENDA
(Waves away HEATHER)
Shhhh.
(To phone)
Sorry, my friend is talking to me.
(Pause)
Yes, let's do it.
(Looks around)
I hate to admit this, but I'm at some psychic reading place.
(Picks up brochure)
Madame Mooch...
(Pause)
You know her.
(To HEATHER)
Gina's been here.
(Pause)
Sure I'll wait for you here.
(Hangs up phone)
You won't believe this.

HEATHER
Probably not, but tell me anyway.

BRENDA
Somebody is filming a movie in town and they saw my show last night. They want me to be in their movie.

HEATHER
You're kidding.

BRENDA
Gina said there are some big stars in it too. One of them had a scheduling conflict and can't come. Gina's bringing the casting director over to see me now. They need somebody immediately and want me to do it.

HEATHER
You'll be famous!

BRENDA
(Stops)
This can't be happening. Where is that Madame Money?

HEATHER
Mooch.

BRENDA
Whatever. Come out, Madame! I want a word with you.

HEATHER
Why are you upset? This is wonderful.

BRENDA
I know how these stories go. Remember that story the Monkey's Paw? At first, everything is great. You get everything you wish for, then the bottom drops out.

HEATHER
You are such a wet blanket. Can't you have a little fun?

BRENDA
Fun is for people who are too stupid to prepare for the impending disaster.

HEATHER

I give up. Fine, don't enjoy your instant success. I'm going home.

BRENDA
Don't be mad, Heather. I'm sorry. I have to admit there might be something beyond my comprehension going on here.

HEATHER
See! Isn't this stuff amazing?

BRENDA
Or extremely well contrived.
(Calls out)
Madame Mooch. I need a word with you.

HEATHER
I wonder why she isn't reappearing.

BRENDA
(Pulls out money)
I'm not speaking her language.
(Waves bill)
I have something green for you.

MOOCH
(Enters)
I sense that you require my services.

BRENDA
(Smiles at HEATHER, then looks at MOOCH)
I need some information.

MOOCH
Information is my middle name, though my abilities have been weakened by all the recent activity.

BRENDA
(Hands her a bill)
There. Feeling better?

MOOCH
A bit better, yes.

BRENDA
Good.

MOOCH
I sense your friend here wants to go.

BRENDA
Do you?

HEATHER
(Looks at watch)
Oh, my gosh. I have reservations for five minutes ago.
(Waves good-bye)
Thank you, Madame Mooch. Bye Brenda.
(HEATHER exits)

BRENDA
That was my money. How come she got a reading?

MOOCH
She paid for you. You paid for her.

BRENDA
Now for my question...

MOOCH
My power is fading.

BRENDA
(Hands her another bill)
Feel better?

MOOCH
(Stuffs bill in shirt)
Ask your question.

BRENDA
How can Madame Mooch cook up such an elaborate scam?

MOOCH
Madame Mooch didn't scam you. You want to be famous, so you will be famous.

BRENDA
What if I've changed my mind?

MOOCH
It is your destiny now. Don't fight it. Fighting it will only bring doom upon you.

BRENDA
Doom. That's certainly what I'm expecting from all this. Every silver lining has a cloud.

MOOCH
I predict that your bad fortune is over.

BRENDA
I hope you're right.

MOOCH
Unless...

BRENDA
There's always an unless... Okay, give me the bad news.

MOOCH
I must consult the cards.
(Goes to her table)

BRENDA

That's probably going to cost me.
(Goes to table and sits opposite MOOCH)

MOOCH
(Lays out some cards)
The meaning of these cards escape me...
(BRENDA sighs and gives her more money)
Ah, yes. I see now. Beware the one armed bandit.

BRENDA
You mean slot machines? That's easy. I hate gambling. Ever since that time my boyfriend got kidnapped by a trucker at Sky City Casino, I've refused to go back to one.

MOOCH
(Rises)
Beware. Beware the one armed bandit.

BRENDA
Yeah, yeah. You said that already.
(MOOCH starts to go)
Wait. I have more questions

MOOCH
No time. You have visitors.
(Exits as GINA and BARRY enter front door)

BRENDA
How did she know that?

GINA
Hey, Brenda. How's my big star?
(GINA and BRENDA do a fake kiss on the cheek)

BRENDA
Still in wonder...

GINA
I want you to meet someone
(Drags over BARRY)
This is Barry Bandito. He's the casting director for the movie I told you about.

BRENDA
(Reaches out her hand to shake. BARRY lifts his left arm and takes her hand and kisses it. BARRY's right arm is in a sling)
Bandito? Oh...
(Looks where MOOCH went)
Uh... hi

GINA
Brenda. I thought you'd be more excited. This is a big opportunity.

BRENDA
Sorry, this has all been very sudden.

GINA
Brenda is new to the theatre scene.

BARRY
She's a natural. She appears to have years of experience.

GINA
So will she work, Barry
(To BRENDA)
He wanted to meet you before he decided on anything.

BARRY
I'd like to interview you a bit first.

BRENDA
Yes, I have a few questions also.

GINA
We can sit over here.
(BARRY heads for chairs in waiting room. GINA says to BRENDA quietly)
What is your problem? Get excited.

BRENDA
(Aside to GINA)
I have a bad feeling about this guy.

GINA
Brenda... shush...
(They go sit near BARRY)

BARRY
Would you like to go first or shall I?

BRENDA
I'll go first.

GINA
Barry is on a tight schedule. Maybe you ought to let him...

BARRY
No, I like a woman of action. Go ahead Brenda.

BRENDA
I'm going to be frank...

GINA
(Trying to warm)
Brenda... ixnay on the...

BRENDA
Why would a big studio want a little small time nobody like me?

BARRY
You have the look...

BRENDA
(Skeptically)
The look?

GINA
(She says excitedly to BRENDA as if understanding BARRY perfectly)
You know, the look.

BRENDA
Perhaps you could explain the look to me a bit more?

BARRY
You have that natural spark that will light up the screen...

GINA
She does have a spark, doesn't she? La Chizpa as they say.

BARRY
(Sits over by BRENDA)
You are very attractive. I could take you far.

BRENDA
(Scoots away)
I'd rather you didn't take me anywhere.

GINA
(Shocked at BRENDA)
Brenda!
(Tries to laugh it off)
She's so funny, isn't she?

BARRY
I don't need a comedian.
(Moves a little closer and tries to put her hand her leg)
I need someone who takes direction well.

BRENDA
(Stands and moves away)
Depends on the director.

BARRY
(To GINA)
I thought you said she really wanted this part.

GINA
She told me she did.

BRENDA
How big of a part is this?

BARRY
That depends on you.

BRENDA
What does that mean?

GINA
(A bit deflated)
Wait. I thought you said this was a big part.

BARRY
So far, today, I'm not seeing what I want...
(Gets up)
Maybe this was a mistake...

GINA
(Jumps up to stop)
No, wait. I don't understand. I thought we had an agreement.

BARRY
Sorry, I can already tell it's not going to work out.
(Starts to exit)

GINA
But...
(Starts after him)
Wait...

BRENDA
Let him go, Gina.
(BARRY shakes his head at them and exits)

GINA
What was that all about?

BRENDA
That guy totally gave me the creeps.

GINA
But I really went on a limb on this one for you...

BRENDA
I'm sorry, but I don't think he was interested in my acting skills.

GINA
Look, Brenda. What did you expect? Being a star involves give and take.

BRENDA
Sorry, but I don't want to give what he wants to take.

GINA
Then maybe you need to find another agent.

BRENDA
What?

GINA
Maybe Morality Movie Studio is looking for actresses. Oh wait. There's no such thing. See you, Brenda. Thanks for nothing.
(GINA exits)

BRENDA
Wow, Madame Mooch. You sure were right about this one.

HEATHER
(Returns)
Wow, Gina sure didn't look happy. What happened?

BRENDA
I just blew my chance at fame and fortune.