zou语法专项书面表达(一).doc

语法专项:书面表达(一)
2013安徽卷
假设你校英语社团举办以“讲究文明，从我做起”为主题的征文活动，请你以“On the Way to School”为题，写一篇英语短文。（满分25分）
内容主要包括：
1. 遵守交通法规；
2. 注意举止文明。
注意：
1. 词数120左右；
2. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯；
3. 短文中不能出现与本人相关的信息；
4. 短文的题目已为你拟好，不计入总词数。
●名师解析
⑴ 试题解读
本篇书面表达是半开放式作文，题目要求考生写一篇短文来描述自己上学路上如何“遵守交通法规”和“注意举止文明”，属于记叙文。
从测试内容上看，本次征文活动的主题为“讲究文明，从我做起”，看似平淡的生活常事，事实上提醒考生要关注生活，懂得当今社会发展的主旋律是“讲究文明，创造和谐大家庭”，而这一目标的实现，离不开大家的共同努力。此情景比较贴近我们的实际生活，考生看到题目后很容易下笔。
从提示上看，试题给考生留出了一定的自由发挥空间，有利于考生充分展示自己的英语写作能力。考生在行文中应注意语言的流畅，内容要详略得当。最好能使用一些较高级词汇和一些较复杂的句式结构来增添文采，使文章避免平铺直叙。
⑵ 写作要点
① 点明“讲究文明，从我做起”的主题；
② 遵守交通法规；
③ 注意举止文明。
⑶ 可用素材
① 词汇
observe, obey, disobey, litter, spit, behave well, traffic rules, throw rubbish, make a big difference, the zebra crossing
② 句式
It is a common phenomenon nowadays that there are often some students disobeying traffic rules on their way to school.
First and foremost, never will I cross a road until the traffic light turns green.
I will strictly observe traffic rules.
If everyone gets involved in this good behavior, we can make a big difference.
⑷ 注意事项
① 应使用第一人称和一般将来时态为主进行写作；
② 不能遗漏试题提供的信息，文章要点要齐全；
③ 要恰当合理地使用连接成分、高级词汇和复杂句式，使文章更具文采；
④ 在答卷过程中要注意卷面的整洁和书写的美观。

●满分文展示1
On the Way to School
It is a common phenomenon nowadays that there are often some persons disobeying traffic rules on the road①. What’s worse, many a person always litter the streets here and there, which is of our great concern②.
I have some specific ideas to share when it comes to handling these phenomena. I will observe traffic rules whenever I’m on my way to school③. First and foremost, never will I cross a road until the traffic light turns green④. Secondly, I will always use the zebra crossing. Thirdly, I will never throw rubbish or spit on the road. Most importantly, it’s typical of me to help keep the road clean. As an old saying goes, “Many hands make lighter work”⑤. Therefore, let’s join hands to obey traffic rules, which will matter a lot⑥!
⑴ 旁批：
① 这是一个主语从句，从句中含有there be句型，此句型中不能出现动词原形，所以作者使用了disobeying traffic rules这一现在分词短语作后置定语。小作者能在文章开头使用这一句式体现出作者扎实的语言功底和使用复杂句式的信心，这是非常可贵的。
【小贴士】此句式结构还可以这样表达：
It is a common phenomenon nowadays that there are often some persons who disobey traffic rules on the road.
② 此句是由which引导的非限制性定语从句，补充说明了许多人乱扔垃圾这一不文明举止。many a属于高级词汇，表示“许多”，其后跟单数名词和单数谓语动词。
③ 此句是由whenever引导的让步状语从句，一语道破作者在上学路上时刻遵守交通规则的文明举止。这一句式使用地道、得体。
④ 这是一个由否定副词never置于句首引起的部分倒装句，再次展现了作者遵守交通规则的好习惯。另外，first and foremost等于firstly，属于高级词汇。这些都体现了作者深厚的词汇积累和良好的临场调用词汇的能力。
⑤ 概括经典，富有哲理。
⑥ 利用祈使句和感叹号来强调文明社会的创造离不开每一个人的努力，语言很具有渲染力，能起到很好的号召作用。
⑵ 满分揭秘：
作者能够严格按照提示要点和题目要求进行习作。文章语言流畅，内容充实，过渡性短语及连接词汇的使用曾强了文章的层次感和逻辑性，如：what’s worse, first and foremost, secondly, therefore等；部分高级词汇，如disobey, observe, many a, most importantly等的使用让文章在细微处展不俗；复杂句式的灵活使用为文章锦上添花。总之，这是一篇亮点荟萃的临场作文。

●满分文展示2
On the Way to School
What is well known to us all is that a harmonious society is of great benefit to us①. Therefore, all of us are required to behave well. Most importantly, we should spare no effort to obey traffic rules. Take me for example, I will always do many meaningful things on my way to school②.
When I come across an old lady, I’m willing to help her go across the road instantly. I will strictly observe traffic rules③. In addition, whenever seeing a person disobeying traffic rules, I will prevent him bravely. Besides, I will pick up litters on the way to school as well④. I often do these things because I keep in mind that every little step counts, if everyone gets involved in this good behavior, we can make a big difference⑤. Everyone does it right now⑥!
⑴ 旁批：
① 这是一个由what引导的主语从句和that引导的表语从句，用在此处充分表明当今社会发展的主旋律是“讲究文明，创造和谐大家庭”，这会让我们受益颇深。be of great benefit to somebody 用词精当，效果非凡。
②固定短语take me for example使用起到了承上启下的作用，使文章笔锋转至“文明行为，从我做起”。该句的准确运用足见作者驾驭语言的高超能力。
③ 此句中的副词strictly和动词observe都为高级词汇，增强了语言表达的气势，起到了点燃亮点的重要作用。
④ 高级词汇pick up和as well的结合运用，较好地表现出作者保护环境的文明举止。
⑤ 此句的使用较为精当。其中有because引导的原因状语从句，that引导的宾语从句和if引导的条件状语从句，这些复杂句式的使用彰显出作者不俗是语言表达能力。此外，keep in mind that，get involved in和make a big difference都是高级词汇。它们的准确运用给文章增添了色彩。
⑥ 最后小作者发出呼吁：文明行为，从每一个人做起！从现在做起！此感叹句起到了画龙点睛的作用。
⑵ 满分揭秘：
本篇习作语言地道，要点齐全。众多的高级句式被作者运用得恰到好处，如主语从句、宾语从句、表语从句、状语从句等。同时，take me for example，keep in mind that，observe，strictly等高级词汇的运用，都值得模仿和学习。此外，承接词in addition, besides等的合理运用，也为文章增添了几分色彩。确实为一篇临场佳作，值得借鉴和学习。

●标准范文
On the Way to School
These days, breaking traffic rules and littering are not uncommon, causing serious harm to life and the environment. Changing this situation requires considerable effort on the part of everyone. As for me, it should start on my way to school.
I will keep traffic rules in mind all the way. If I ride a bike, I’ll always keep to the right and never cross a road until the traffic light turns green. If I walk, I’ll never forget to use the pedestrian crossing. Meanwhile, I will regard it as my duty to help keep our environment clean and healthy. Not only will I keep from littering and spitting anywhere, I will also help clean up the roadside litter whenever possible. I hope my behavior will make a difference.

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