作文点评-雅思考官点评.doc

一）犯罪类雅思作文高分范文及点评
Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead， education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
How to handle criminals is a problem that all countries and societies face. Traditionally， the approach has been to punish them by placing them in prisons to pay for what they have done. Some， however， advocate for trying to make them better with training and education and it seems they may have a good point.
First of all， consider all the money that we have to spend to lock people up in jail. It doesn’t seem like a good use of public money if the people don’t actually get any better. Because most criminals eventually are let out of prison， our focus should be on making them better citizens.
In fact， the reason why many people end up in jail in the first place is because they didn’t have a good education or happy family. So if they can learn job skills they perhaps can find work and feel they can contribute in a positive way. If they do this， they won’t need crime. Surly everyone deserves a second chance.
Of course this does not mean that we should be too lenient on criminals. Those who commit crime should still be punished， but during their punishment they should also be treated. If we make an investment in them and show compassion， most will be able to make a new start.
To summarize， we must make more of an effort to go to the root of the problem. We need to treat criminals as patients and give them the medicine they need： education and training. By giving people the skills for a second chance we can make our society safer and healthier.
（271 words）
Harvey点评：
写作线索：首段，赞同题目观点；第二段，罪犯在监狱里什么都不做是花着纳税人的钱的；第三段，没有接受教育和不幸的家庭是原因，要教育，要给他们机会；第四段；当然要惩罚，但惩罚和治疗并用。末段总结。
好文章。末段第二句的比喻给本文增色不少，We need to treat criminals as patients and give them the medicine they need： education and training.十分贴切。
先学习下面的词汇和短语，然后再重读范文，体会它们在文中的运用
词汇
Punish vt.惩罚，处罚
Advocate vt.提倡
jail n.监狱=prison
lenient adj.宽大的，仁慈的
compassion n.同情
patient n.病人
短语
in jail监禁
end up最后结果
commit crime犯罪
make an investment in…投资于
make an effort to do 努力去做
三分钟熟读或背诵本文最实用的三个句子
In fact， the reason why many people end up in jail in the first place is because they didn’t have a good education or happy family.
We need to treat criminals as patients and give them the medicine they need： education and training.
By giving people the skills for a second chance we can make our society safer and healthier.
（二）服装类雅思作文高分范文及点评
流行时尚
In modern society， fashion is becoming more highly valued in people‘s choice of clothes. Why？ Do you think it is a positive or negative development？
It seems that in recent years more and more people， especially in urban areas， are dressing more stylishly. Nowadays it is not uncommon to see people walking around in brand name clothes and sunglasses like celebrities. But why is this happening and is it a positive development？ Personally I feel that whether it’s good or bad depends on the individual’s attitude.
The cause of this fashion obsession surely is connected to movies and pop culture. In today’s society， we are constantly seeing images of attractive movies stars and MTV videos with pop icons wearing the most recent styles. To some extent， and perhaps even subconsciously， this affects our own behaviour as we imitate what we see.
One on level， being fashionable is quite healthy. It is natural for us to want to look good， because if we look good we feel good about ourselves. Especially in today’s world of work and relationships， it’s important to have good self-esteem and be confident. Looking good can help us achieve that.
But from another angle， being too fashion-conscious has its problems. Sometimes people end up obsessing about buying the most expensive things and look down upon others who can’t afford them. Such people become superficial and often don’t pay enough attention to the important things in life， like friendship and being a good person.
So in the end， each person has to find the right balance regarding how fashionable to be. There is nothing wrong with looking good and feeling good; in fact it’s human. But we must also be sure not to dwell on it so much.
（265 words）
Harvey点评：
写作线索：首段，引出现象并表态；第二段，问答第一个问题why；第三段，positive；第四段；negative。末段总结。
本文清新自然，没有大道理，很多小常识。比如第三段第二句：It is natural for us to want to look good， because if we look good we feel good about ourselves. 好作文不是高难词汇的堆砌。最简单的词汇也可以直指人心，赢得读者共鸣。
先学习下面的词汇和短语，然后再重读范文，体会它们在文中的运用
词汇
stylishly adv.时髦地
celebrity n.名人，名流
obsession n.迷住，迷恋
pop adj.流行的，通俗的
icon n. 偶像，图标
subconsciously adv.下意识地
imitate v.模仿
fashionable adj.流行的，时髦的
self-esteem n.自尊
superficial adj.肤浅的
短语
depend on取决于
be connected to 和…有联系
to some extent 某种程度上
from another angle从另一方面看
look down upon 瞧不起
pay attention to 关注
dwell on 仔细研究
三分钟熟读或背诵本文最实用的三个句子
Nowadays it is not uncommon to see people walking around in brand name clothes and sunglasses like celebrities.
Personally I feel that whether it’s good or bad depends on the individual’s attitude.
Especially in today’s world of work and relationships， it’s important to have good self-esteem and be confident.
（三）建筑类雅思作文高分范文及点评
建筑风格
Modern buildings are appearing in large numbers but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
In recent years， an interesting trend has emerged. Countries with long histories and rich cultures have been modernizing the quickest， especially in terms of architecture. Many have criticized this as not respecting traditional culture. While traditional architecture should be protected， however， I feel it is not necessary to stop building modern structures as we move forward.
One reason for this is that modern buildings are more practical and comfortable to live and work in. While traditional buildings might look nice from the outside， they are often not very user-friendly. Modern buildings usually have lots of windows and light and are clean and energy efficient. Surely this will make those inside them happier.
Another point to consider is that modern buildings will give a good impression to those visiting from abroad. Consider Beijing during the Olympics， for example. Many foreigners were surprised to see all of the stunning new building designs. In the long run， this will probably attract more business and tourists to the country.
Of course， traditional architecture still has its value. Everyone loves visiting famous historical places and admiring architectural styles from throughout history. We should protect and appreciate such places for future generations， but at the same time， we don’t have to live in the past.
Ultimately， each city needs to find its own balance between “old” and “new” when it comes to building styles， but modern buildings are for sure a positive thing. After all， if we don’t continue to explore new building styles we won’t be able to let future generations know what our period of history was like.
（264 words）
Harvey点评：
写作线索：首段，现代建筑必要；第二段，因为现代建筑的实用性和舒适性；第三段，代表城市现代化；第四段；让步，传统建筑的价值。末段总结。
文中第三段的观点不够有力。其实现代建筑的优点直接分实用性和舒适性两个段落来重点阐述即可。比如实用性，现代化都市人口密度比以前大，摩天大楼skyscraper提高了城市土地的使用效率。
本文末句很有趣味，再仔细读读：After all， if we don’t continue to explore new building styles we won’t be able to let future generations know what our period of history was like.（毕竟，如果我们不继续开发新建筑的风格，我们的下一代将不会知道我们这一代的历史是什么样）历史是相对的，对于我们的子孙来说，我们现在的现代化建筑将成为他们眼里的古代建筑。
先学习下面的词汇和短语，然后再重读范文，体会它们在文中的运用
词汇
emerge vi.显现出来
architecture n.建筑物
practical adj.实用的
user-friendly adj.用户友好的，方便用户使用的
stunning adj.足以使人晕倒的，极好的
admire v.赞美，钦佩，羡慕
ultimately adv.最后，
短语
in terms of在。..方面
move forward前进
in the long run从长远看
for sure确实
after all 毕竟
let sb. do sth. 让某人做某事
三分钟熟读或背诵本文最实用的三个句子
In recent years， an interesting trend has emerged.
One reason for this is that modern buildings are more practical and comfortable to live and work in.
After all， if we don’t continue to explore new building styles we won’t be able to let future generations know what our period of history was like.
（四）教育类雅思作文高分范文及点评
Most countries spend lots of money on education as they start to recognize its importance. In your opinion which two following subjects are the most important for your people and which one is the least important？
Subject：
Literature Sports
Mathematics Economy
Physics History
Music Geography
It has been said that investing in education is investing in one’s future： this is true for both individuals and nations. It is always somewhat subjective to say which is more important， the humanities or sciences， as both have value. However， I would like to make a case for the importance of math and economics in this day and age.
Let us begin with math. Mathematics is a foundation subject which bridges many different fields， from physics and chemistry to the Internet and modern medicine. All of our material advances in the 20th century could not have happened without advanced mathematics. To be sure， it will also play a critical role in meeting challenges like global warming and space travel， to name just a few， in the future.
Likewise， economics is a fundamental discipline that allows societies to be stable and move forward. History is full of example of kingdoms and empires that collapsed as their economies declined. Most obviously， we need look no further than the current economic meltdown to see the importance of economics. The jobs and wellbeing of individuals and nations alike depend upon a deeper understanding of this field.
While all subjects have their merit， perhaps Geography doesn’t have the same importance it once did. After all， in our modern world we have 3-D maps online that allow us to see anywhere with the click of a mouse. But to reiterate， we need a balanced approach to education where we still produce artists and thinkers and historians and so on.
To summarize， math and economics are critical subjects in the 21st century. Governments must do their part to make sure we invest in these key areas and have qualified teachers. By doing so， they will ensure our prosperity and progress.
（294 words）
写作观点：数学、经济学重要，地理不重要。所以文章中间三段分别讨论三个学科。
这篇文章题型少见，题目内容对中国考生来说比较另类。说明哪个学科的重要性不难，难的是说明一个学科为什么不重要，还注意到题目中有最高级词汇：the most important， the least important。
我们受到的教育是行业没有三六九等，行行出状元。如果在小学课堂上讨论此类题目，有小朋友胆敢说地理最不重要，老师一定会发飙：“胡说，不要有偏见，各个学科都重要，人类都需要，缺一不可。”于是大家考试不能偏科，长大之后都没有了“偏见”。
而这篇文章就是逼着你写出偏见，让你偏科，还很极端，因为题目中有最高级。
所以我最欣赏的是在本文首段第二句话，在表达个人偏见前的让步：It is always somewhat subjective（主观的） to say which is more important， the humanities（人文学科） or sciences， as both have value. 这句话我相信也是大多数考生看完题目后的第一感觉，但表达不出来。
先学习下面的词汇和短语，然后再重读范文，体会它们在文中的运用
词汇
subjective adj.主观的
foundation n.基础
bridge vt.架桥，连接
critical adj.关键的，重要的
meltdown n.彻底垮台
wellbeing adj. 福利，康乐，安宁
reiterate vt.反复地说，重申
短语
invest in投资于
make a case for 提出充分的理由
in this day and age 当今
play a critical role in 起到关键作用
meet challenge 应对挑战
to name just a few 等等 = and so on
depend upon依赖，依靠
allow sb. to do sth. 使某人能做某事
with the click of a mouse 只需鼠标一点
do one’s part to尽自己的职责
key areas 重要领域
三分钟熟读或背诵本文最实用的三个句子
It is always somewhat subjective to say which is more important， the humanities or sciences， as both have value.
Mathematics is a foundation subject which bridges many different fields， from physics and chemistry to the Internet and modern medicine.
All of our material advances in the 20th century could not have happened without advanced mathematics.
（五）旅游类雅思作文高分范文及点评
旅游
International travel is becoming cheaper， and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages？
Air travel combined with early retirement and people with money to spend has meant that more and more people can travel the world. Some countries， especially those with famous historical sights and beautiful natural scenery try to attract this large market. While there are some problems that can be caused with all this travel， generally it is a positive thing.
Firstly， consider that all these tourists mean money that governments are eager to tap into. For many countries， tourism is a big part of GDP and without it their economies would suffer. Foreign tourists bring important dollars to the service industry and lots of small shops and vendors.
Secondly， by encouraging tourism governments are promoting their cities and countries. In my country， China， for example， increased tourism and hosting the Olympics has changed people’s perception of our country. At the same time， tourism allows local people to gain exposure to people from other countries， which is also a good thing.
Of course it’s not always a perfect picture. Not all tourists have a good attitude and manners. And in some cases they may even have a negative influence on the local population. But these situations are not so common， and embassies can create tough guidelines for getting a visa. This seems like a reasonable compromise.
To conclude， international travel is a great thing， but it is a privilege that should not be abused. Governments should encourage it， but also put in place measures to keep dangerous people away. This will result in a win-win situation for everyone.
（251 words）
写作线索：首段，国际旅游利大于弊；第二段，刺激本国经济；第三段，加深双方了解；第四段；不利之处。末段总结。
本文我们看到加汉老师是以一位中国学生的口吻写出来。他曾告诉我他的中文名字有两个含义：加拿大的男子汉；加入汉族。
第四段的观点比较抽象，其实针对国际旅游的弊端，我们可以谈对旅游资源的过度开发；旅游景点的环保压力；对当地居民生活方式的影响；经济过渡依赖于旅游业的后果等等。
如果我写这篇文章，国际旅游的好处第一条我就说：“许多人类的文明古迹虽然是某个国家拥有的，其实也是全人类的财富。比如长城、金字塔。应该让全世界的人去参观、欣赏和尊重”。先上升到一个全人类的高度，凸显大气。大部分考生不是写不出来，主要是想不到。思想有多高，作为分数就有多高。
先学习下面的词汇和短语，然后再重读范文，体会它们在文中的运用
词汇
Retirement n.退休
Tourism n. 旅游业
Vendor n.卖主，小贩
promote vt.促进，推广
host vt. 主办
perception n.观念，理解
embassy n.大使馆
guideline n.指导方针
compromise n.妥协，折衷
privilege n.特权
abuse v.滥用
短语
famous historical sights 历史名胜
beautiful natural scenery 美丽的自然风光
be eager to渴望
tap into 利用
in some cases在有些情况下
have a negative influence on对…有负面影响
win-win situation 双赢局面
三分钟熟读或背诵本文最实用的三个句子
Some countries，especially those with famous historical sights and beautiful natural scenery try to attract this large market.
Secondly，by encouraging tourism governments are promoting their cities and countries.
This will result in a win-win situation for everyone.