生活大爆炸第三季第五集剧本.doc

好的 拉杰出了幽灵军团卡
All right,Raj has played his phantom warlord card,

我就出绞杀蔓藤帮他
And I am going to back him up with my strangling vines.
绞死你 笨蛋
Choke on that,sucka.
那我就用红宝石剑砍断你的蔓藤
Okay,well,then I'll just cut your vines with my ruby sword.
没错 我干的 我砍了
That's right,I did it. I cut 'em.
我想问个问题
I have a question.
军团能吃巨人 巨人能吃精灵
Warlord beats troll,troll beats elf,
精灵能吃水妖
Elf beats water sprite,
基本上什么都能吃魔法小兔
And basically everything beats enchanted bunny.
除非你有胡萝卜粉
Unless you have the carrot powder.
我还想问一个问题
Okay,I've got another question.
这有什么好玩的
When does this get fun?
我们是要讨论
Are we going to talk
还是继续玩"卡亚神秘勇士"
Or are we going to play "mystic warriors of ka-ah"?
出毒药卡
Just play a potion card.
哪张
Which one?
哪张都一样
It doesn't matter.
你不可能赢了
You can't possibly win.
谢尔顿 别破坏游戏
Sheldon,don't ruin the game.
他怎么可能破坏游戏
How could he ruin the game?
根据已出的卡推算
Given the cards that have already been played,
佩妮手上只能有巫师毒药
Penny can only be holding necromancer potions,
毒药只对幽灵和日行者有效
Which are only effective against wraiths and day-walkers,
但两个都已经出完了
And there are no more of either left to be drawn.
剩下未出的卡是
The cards remaining in the undrawn stack are:
四张火焰 一张巨人 两张食人怪和冥神宝石
Four fire weapons,a troll,two ogres and the jewel of osiris.
瞧 被破坏了吧
See? Ruined.
谢尔顿 太厉害了
Sheldon,that is incredible.
对你来说 当然是厉害
From your vantage point,it certainly must seem so.
谢尔顿有图像式记忆的能力
Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.
"图像式"用词不当
"photographic" is a misnomer.
应该是高清图像式记忆 我说过好几遍了
I have an eidetic memory,as I've told you many times.
最近一次是去年5月7日
Most recently last year during lunch
中午午餐期间
On the afternoon of may seventh.
你吃了火鸡 还抱怨太干了
You had turkey and complained it was dry.
看来游戏结束了
Well,I guess game'over.
真的 太好了
Really? Oh,great.
我是说"哦"
I mean,aw.
-我得走了 -为什么
- Okay,I gotta go. - Why?
就因为上次没走
Because the last me I didn't go,
我才会玩"卡神秘勇士"
I ended up playing "mystic warlords of ka."
不是"卡" 是"卡亚"
Not "ka. Ka-ah."
拜丫儿
Buh-eye.
回见
See ya.
还是不敢相信她和我在一起了
Still can't believe she's going out with me.
没人相信
Nobody can.
这倒提醒我有笔旧账还没跟你算清
That reminds me I have a bone to pick with you.
什么
What?
你我有个约定
You and I made a pact
我们中谁先追到个漂亮女友
That if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend,
谁就得让他的女友
That person would have his girlfriend
给对方介绍一个女友
Hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends.
我不记得有这回事
I don't remember that.
2004年 6月30日
June 30th,2004.
《蜘蛛侠 2》在帕萨迪纳AMC影院上映
Opening day of Spider-Man 2 at the Amc Pasadena.
那里只有红冰极饮料 没有蓝的
They only had red icees,no blue.
想起来了
Oh,yeah.
你和佩妮在一起都有一个半月了
So you've been with Penny for like a month and a half now.
我的妞呢
Where's my shorty,morty?
霍华德 你不能要求我这么做
Howard,you can't hold me to that.
为什么不行
Why not?
因为当时约定时
Because when I made that agreement,
我没想过能交到一个漂亮女友
I didn't think I'd ever have a hot girlfriend.
我当时以为你能交到呢
And I was positive you ever would.
我怎么不知道这件事
Hey,how come I wasn't part of this deal?
你当时不在小食店
You had left the refreshment stand
你去解决习惯性提前出现的尿急了
In order to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
就因为这个
Oh,so that's how it works?
就因为我的膀胱小 我就不能有漂亮女友了
I have a teeny bladder and I don't get a hot girlfriend?
对 拉杰 就因为这个
Yeah,Raj. That's how it works.
靠
Damn.
能给我张纸巾吗
Can I have a napkin?
抱歉 不行
I'm sorry,no.
你有好几张呢
But you have whole bunch of 'em.
对 我现在用的是四张纸巾体系
Yes,I've moved to a four-napkin system.
分别对应腿 手 脸和个人紧急情况
Lap,hands,face and personal emergency.
你需要的话 明天开始
If you like,starting tomorrow,
我会加一张客用纸巾
I'll add a guest napkin,
但我今天实在无能为力
But I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you today.
好运 那是擦脸纸巾
Good luck. That's the face napkin.
你跟佩妮说了吗
So,have you talked to Penny yet?
还没有
No,I haven't.
为什么
Why not?
因为我很忙
Because I've been busy,
因为我不知道怎么跟她提
Because I haven't figured out a way to bring it up,
最主要的是 "特别强调这点"
And mostly-- and I can't stress how key this is--
因为我不想提
Because I don't want to.
莱纳德 约定就是约定
Leonard,pact is a pact.
你必须让佩妮给我找个伴
You have to get Penny to fix me up.
事情没那么简单
It's not that simple.
你要我怎么说
What am I supposed to say?
佩妮 你有没有
"Penny,do you have any friend
不想再联系的朋友
You'd like to never hear from again?"
拜托 我那么聪明
Come on,I'm smart,
又有份好工作 而且我的体脂肪率只有3%
I have good job and I have only three percent body fat.
真的
It's true.
我在沙滩上看过
I've seen him at the beach.
他就像个人形鸡翅
He's like a human chicken wing.
莱纳德 拜托
Leonard,come on.
好吧 我会问她有没有适合你的朋友
Fine. I'll ask if she has a friend for you.
要漂亮的哦
Hot friend.
-行 -还要高挑的
- Right. - And tall.
我希望我们的孩子能在20岁前
I want our kids to be able to Ride Space Mountain
玩飞越太空山[迪士尼乐园]
Before they're 20.
我尽力而为
I'll see what I can do.
谢尔顿 猜我今天听到什么
Hey,Sheldon,guess what I heard today?
我能想象你今天听了很多东西
I'd imagine you heard many number of things today.
你来上班肯定会听到 "你好 拉杰"
When you arrived at work you undoubtedly heard,"hello,Raj.
过得如何 拉杰
"How are you,Raj?"
考虑到你今天穿了件新的羊毛背心 会听到"新背心啊"
Given that you're wearing a new sweater-vest,
也有可能 虽然可能性很小 听到"羊毛背心很漂亮"
And possibly,though far less likely,"nice sweater-vest."
为什么不干脆让我告诉你今天听到了什么
Why don't I just tell you what I heard today.
因为这可能节约我们的时间
That would probably save us some time.
星期六晚上在漫画书店
Saturday night at the comic book store,
那里将举办一个"卡亚神秘勇士"锦标赛
They're having a "Mystic Warlords of Ka-Ah" tournament.
第一名有500美金
First prize is $500.
如果我们组队 肯定无敌了
If we team up,we'd be unstoppable.
对不起 拉杰 对于没有挑战性的游戏
I'm sorry,Raj,but I have no interest
我完全不感兴趣
In playing a game in which I find no challenge.
那钱呢
What about the money?
我有钱啊
I have money.
这钱不一样
This is other money.
那这跟我自己拥有的钱有什么区别
How does it differ from the money I have?
我要拿一半啊
Half of it will be mine.
你需要钱买一件不那么惹人嫌的羊毛背心吗
Do you need it to buy a less disturbing sweater-vest?
莱纳德 救救我吧
Leonard,help.
开什么玩笑
Are you kidding?
我甚至不能说服他给我一张狗日的餐巾纸
I couldn't even talk him into giving one of his freakin' napkins.
天呐 你真是个天才
Wow,you really are a genius.
不算吧
Not really.
我其实是在网上搜到的这些花式
I googled how to do that.
问一下 你有跟谁有过约定吗
So,listen...Have you ever made a pact with someone?
你是说那种拉勾勾誓言吗
You mean like a pinky swear?
好吧 就算是那种拉勾勾誓言
Okay,fine,like a pinky swear.
一年级时候 我和我朋友萝茜
Well,in the first grade,my friend Rosie and I
约定要嫁给毕特和恩尼
Made a pact to marry Bert and Ernie
你知道的 芝麻街里面[美国木偶剧]
You know,from Sesame street?
我跟毕特和恩尼还蛮熟的
I'm familiar with Bert and Ernie.
然后我们发现都想要嫁给恩尼
Then we find out we both wanted Ernie.
我们直到中学都没再说过话
We didn't speak again until middle school.
就因为那个木偶
Over puppets?
各人心头所好啊 莱纳德
The heart wants what the heart wants,Leonard.
好吧
Okay.
说到心头所好
Speaking of what the heart want-
很久以前
Um,a long time ago,
我跟沃罗威茨有个约定 其中牵涉到你
I made a pact with Wolowitz that kind of involves you.
我不知道接下来你要说什么
Okay,I don't know where you're going with this,
但你最好小心点 因为我们可能因此玩完
But tread carefully because it may be the last conversation we ever have.
不 不 不是那样的
No,no,nothing like that.
交易说的是如果我们当中任意一个有女朋友了
The deal was that if either of us ever got a girlfriend,
我们就要她介绍她的朋友
We'd have her fix the other one up
给约定的另一方
With one of her friends.
你觉得这种事适合在激情过后马上说吗
And you thought it's a good time to bring this up right after sex?
我只是很确定在激情之前不会说
Well,I sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up before sex.
而在激情进行时 我在尽力回想在谷歌上看到的花式 所以
And during,I was trying to remember what I read on google,so...
我绝不会介绍我的朋友给沃罗威茨
I'm not hooking Wolowitz up with one of my friends.
不一定是要好朋友啊
It doesn't have to be a good friend.
而且你也知道他内里其实是个很好的人
And you know that deep down inside,Howard's a really nice guy.
这问题不在于他的内里
The problem isn't what's on the inside.
在于他令人毛骨悚然的淫荡外表
It's the creepy candy coating.
你能好歹考虑一下吗
Will you at least think about it?
就当是帮我个忙
Just as a favor to me?
我最喜欢恩尼的一点
Oh,great thing about ernie,
就是他从不求我什么
Was he never asked me for anything.
他只给予
He just gave.
有了 有了 有了 有了 有了 有了
Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.
《贝蒂与维罗妮卡》
Betty and Veronica?
谢尔顿 新的《绿灯侠》手办明天就到了
Hey,Sheldon,the new Greelantern figurine's coming in tomorrow.
要我给你留一份吗
Want me to set one aside for you?
谢谢
Thank you.
你刚刚夺走了我从无意中找到手办
You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine
那种从发现到渴望到占有的
And make the oh-so-satisfying journey
持续快感的机会给抢走了
From discovery to desire to possession.
好吧 那我不给你留了
All right,I won't set one aside for you.
但我必须要拥有它
But I must have it.
-行 那我给你留着 -谢谢
- Okay,I'll set one aside for you. - Thank you.
你知道我本可以在网上买这些的
You know,I can buy all these things online.
我来这是为了个性化服务的
I come here for the personal service.
斯图尔特 威尔·惠顿报名参加了
Hey,Stuart,is the Wil Wheaton signed up
这个神秘勇士锦标赛吗
For the Mystic Warlords tournament
就是《星际迷航》里的那个威尔·惠顿吗
The Wil Wheaton from Star Trek?
他住在这附近 狂热玩家
Yeah,he lives around here. Big gamer.
打扰一下
Excuse me.
你是在说威尔·惠顿 也就是出演了《星际迷航: 下一代》中
Are you saying that wil wheaton aka Ensign Wesley Crusher
卫斯理·柯洛夏少尉的那位
On Star Trek: The next generation
将会参与你的锦标赛吗
Is going to be participating in your tournament?
很抱歉 我又剥夺了你发现这个的机会吗
Oh,I'm sorry,did I rob you of the opportunity to stumble onto that for yourself?
你不明白的
You don't understand.
我从小到大一直以威尔·惠顿为偶像的
Growing up,I idolizedle Wil Wheaton.
卫斯理·柯洛夏有和我一样的高清图像式记忆
Wesley Crusher had an eidetic memory just like me.
天呐 多么神奇的巧合啊
Ooh,what a coincidence.
你也许可以跟他在锦标赛中讨论一下
Maybe you can discuss with him while you're playing in the tournament.
-在这签字 -我是他的粉丝
- Sign here. - I was such a fan
回想1995年 我坐了10个小时的汽车
That in 1995,I traveled ten hours by bus
到密西西比州的杰克逊市参加科幻大会
To a sci-fi convention in Jackson,Mississippi,
穿着我的星舰学院实习生制服
Wearing my Starfleet Academy cadet uniform
就是为了见威尔·惠顿
In order to meet Wil Wheaton
还有让他在我珍藏的
And get him to autograph
未拆封的卫斯理·柯洛夏手办上签名
My mint in-package Wesley Crusher action figure
啊 那这不就是重逢了嘛
Ooh,it'll be like a reunion then.
在这签字
Sign here.
然而我艰苦的旅行却一无所获
My arduous journey,however,was for naught.
尽管广告说他会出现 却最终没来
Although advertised to appear,he did not show up.
就在那一刻 我发誓要永远憎恨威尔·惠顿
It was at that moment,I vowed eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton.
太棒了 你可以告诉他你恨他
Okay,great,you can tell him you hate him.
在这签字
Sign here.
也许你们会想知道威尔·惠顿
It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton
在我的永远的敌人名单里暂排第六
Currently ranks sixth on my all-time enemies list--
排名就在差点毁掉蝙蝠侠系列电影的
Right between director Joel Schumacher,
导演乔·舒马赫
Who nearly destroyed the batman movie franchise,
和比利·斯派克之间
And Billy Sparks,
他住在我家后面一条路上
Who lived down the street from me
曾经把狗屎放在我自行车的把手上
And put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.
好的 我明白了 他是坏人
Okay,I get it. He's a bad guy.
在这签名
Sign here.
引用不朽的《可汗的愤怒》中
In the words of Khan Noonien Singh
可汗努尼安辛格的一句话 "他让我受难"
In the immortal Wrath of Khan,"he tasks me."
他让我受难 我要和他较量到底
He tasks me and I shall have him."
毫无疑问 签名吧
No doubt,sign here.
我渡尽劫波 刺出复仇之剑[《白鲸记》]
From hell's heart,I stab at thee."
好了 拉杰 看来你的队友名叫
All right,raj,looks like you're teamed up
"威尔·惠顿 去死去死"
With "die,Wil Wheaton,die."
好 多说说我未来孩子他妈嘛
So,tell me more about the future mother of my children.
她很讨人喜欢 霍华德
She's adorable,howard.
你一定喜欢她
I think you'll like her.
赞
Great.
你是怎么和他描述我的
So what did you tell her about me?
提了我的体脂含量了吗
Did you mention the body fat?
没有 我想给她个惊喜
No,I thought that would be a nice surprise for her.
好 很好
Good,good.
我就说你是航天工程师
I just told her y're an aerospace engineer,
通五种语言
You speak five languages--
是六种 还有克林贡语
Six if you count klingon.
女孩儿可不鸟克林贡语 霍华德
Girls don't count klingon,Howard.
对不?
Right?
没错
Right.
我还告诉她说
Oh. And I told her you have
你对你妈有不正常的依恋情结
An unhealthy attachment to your mother.
不会吧
What?
说笑而已
I'm kidding.
又一个意外惊喜啊
Another delightful surprise for her.
谢尔顿 该你出了
Sheldon,it's your play.
谢尔顿
Sheldon.
魔法巨兽用诅咒权杖
My enchanted troll bludgeons your screaming harpy
重击你的惊叫鹰女 游戏结束
With a cursed mace. Game
抱歉 小子们
Sorry,boys.
替我向来接你们的妈咪问声好
Say hi to your mother when she picks you up.
还是干脆我告诉他让她晚点来
Or I could just tell her later tonight!
我们揍得他们屁滚尿流 狂顶你 伙计
We pwned them,dude! Up top!
看啊
Look at him.
威尔·惠顿 我的一生之敌
Wil Wheaton,my old friend.
"我穿过尼比亚卫星 跨过安塔里斯漩涡
I have chased you 'round the moons of Nibia
越过毁灭的埃姆斯 不找到你誓不罢休
And 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's ames!
你一直引用《星际迷航:愤怒的可汗》里的台词
You know,you keep quoting wrath of Khan,
但他是《星际迷航:下一代》里的人物
But he was in next generation.
角色设定完全不同
It's a totally different set of characters.
肃静
Silence!
还要等多久 才能了却我的复仇夙愿
How much longer must I wait for my revenge?
如果惠顿和斯图尔特赢了这一局
Well,if Wil Wheaton and Stuart win their match
而我们在下一局只要干掉
And we beat Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants
寂寞拉里和休闲裤队长
In the next round,
我们就会在决赛中碰面
We'll face off for the championship.
那么说 挡在我复仇之路上的
So,my path to satisfaction is blocked
只剩寂寞拉里和休闲裤队长吗
By Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants.
好极了
Very well.
非摧毁他们不可
They must be destroyed.
哥们 能别用这种腔调说话了吗
Dude,you have to stop talking like that.
真的很找抽
It's really lame.
肃静
Silence!
佩妮说你一边打工做女招待
So,Penny tells me you're working as a waitress
一边念书
To put yourself through grade school.
太好了 你学什么的
That's pretty great. What are you studying?
微生物学
Microbiology.
酷啊 那你可以研究我了
Oh,cool. So you could study me.
什么意思
I don'understand.
微生物学不就是研究微小的生物吗
Microbiology is the study of tiny living things.
我知道 我学的就是这个
I know,I'm studying it.
所以我说嘛 因为我小巧玲珑呀
And I said you could study me 'cause I'm a tiny living thing.
我只是在说笑
It's a joke.
你确定
Are you sure?
你喜欢科幻小说吗
Do you like Sic-Fiction?
不喜欢
No.
角色扮演游戏呢
Role-playing games?
是在卧室玩的呢还是龙与地下城的那种
Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?
都可以
Either.
都不喜欢
No.
漫漫长夜啊
Gonna be a long night.
都是你的错
Well,it's your fault.
我是被逼无奈 又没逼你非答应不可
I had to ask. You didn't have to say yes.
喜欢魔术吗
You like magic?
不太喜欢
Not really.
好吧
Okay.
真是漫 漫长夜啊
Long-long night.
我出无境之蛇 装备拉杰的迷乱狂喜
I play my endless serpent. Raj will play ecstatic frenzy,
那拉里就得出混沌领主
Whh means Larry will have to play chaos overlord.
加上休闲裤队长的熔融之河
(看这个男人胸前的星星就是在Cos美国队长)
而我再出毒葵树妖 你们输了
I play nightshade dryad. Game,set and match.
威尔·惠顿 准备受死吧!
Now fetch me Wil Wheaton!
君子报仇 十年不晚[克林贡语]
Bot-tash bir jab-loo-di rekh kkhakkh-o ny!
那个家伙刚才是不是用克林贡语说了
Did that guy just say
"君子报仇 十年不晚"?
"revenge is a dish best served cold" in Klingon?
我想是吧
I believe so.
他有毛病啊
What is wrong with him?
萝卜青菜各有所爱
Everyone has a different theory.
那电脑呢
How about computers?
喜欢电脑吗
Do you like computers?
我用电脑 但不喜欢
I use them. I don't like them.
好吧...
Okay...
那小狗呢 你觉得小狗怎样
Puppets? Where do you stand on puppies?.
有只小狗咬过我的脸
A puppy once bit my face.
它们自然咬人啦
Of course it did.
猜怎么着 爱因斯坦错了
How about that? Einstein was wrong.
怎么
What?
在接近光速的情况下
Approaching the speed of light
时间不会减慢
Doesn't slow down time.
和他们在一起时才会变慢
Approaching them does.
不好意思
Excuse me.
见鬼 是我妈
Oh,damn. It's my mother.
你要接吗
Are you going to answer it?
想接
I'm torn
她可能要死了 要知道
She might be dying,and,you know,
我可不想错过这一时刻
I wouldn't want to miss that.
不过话说回来
On the other