美国晚间脱口秀节目笑话.doc

美国晚间脱口秀节目一周笑话精选
　　"The Obamas have a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon
　　“奥巴马一家有了一只新的白宫第一狗，是一只葡萄牙水犬，名字叫波。波的到来非常及时，因为萨沙和玛利亚都对朝乔·拜登扔飞盘感到腻歪了。”——吉米·法伦
　　"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman
　　“奥巴马的狗怎么样？他们有了一只新狗，对，一只小的葡萄牙水犬。这只狗呢，正如你们期望的那样，还没有被训练好。事实上，今天的早些时候，它在椭圆办公室留下的一坨屎比布什留下的大多了。”——大卫·莱特曼
　　"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno
　　“巴拉克·奥巴马的女儿们非常聪明，她们告诉他说她们愿意像他对经济负责一样对小狗负责。这也就是说，如果这只狗在白宫拉便便，我们要等未来几代人来清理干净。”
　　"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill ." --Jay Leno
　　“事实上，这已经变成了第一家庭的传统。所有的第一家庭都有只狗。奥巴马家有了波，这是这只狗的名字。布什家有巴尼。克林顿家么，当然，有比尔。”
　　"And you know they have Bo wearing one of those electronic collars. If he strays beyond the perimeter of the White House grounds he gets a little buzz. That's to make sure he doesn't -- no, wait a minute, that's Joe Biden." --David Letterman
　　“大家都知道他们让波戴上了电子狗链。如果它走出白宫周围它就会有点麻。用这个来确保他不会——不对，等一下，那是乔·拜登。”——大卫·莱特曼
　　"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno
　　“这个星期三，4月15日，是交税的日子，但是为奥巴马总统工作的人都在忙着做他们98年、99年和2000年的税。”——杰·雷诺
　　"Some Americans did a very dumb thing today. They had tea party protests. They've been mailing tea bags to Congress to I guess express their dissatisfaction with taxes and government spending because nothing shakes a politician up like a complimentary bag of tea. 'Hey if you don't straighten up next year, crumpets, buddy.'" --Jimmy Kimmel
　　“一些美国人今天做了一件非常愚蠢的事情。他们举行了“茶党”抗议，一直在往国会寄茶包，我猜他们是想表达他们对税收和政府开支的不满，因为没有什么能比一个赠送的茶包更能动摇一个政客了：‘嘿，伙计，要是你们明年再不改，我们就寄煎饼。’”——吉米·卡莫
　　"And a lot of protests today. Thousands of people had these tea parties, during which they protested higher taxes. But here in LA, it was called the Green Herbal Double Decaf Tea Party." --Jay Leno
　　“今天有很多起抗议。数千人都召集了各自的茶党来抗议高税收。但是在洛杉矶这里，茶党被叫做双份浓缩绿茶党。”——杰·雷诺
　　"This is like the Boston tea party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor [on screen: a Fox News reporter pointing to boxes at one of the tea parties containing a million tea bags]. Let me get this straight. To protest wasteful spending, you bought a million tea bags. Are you protesting taxes or irony?" --Jon Stewart, on the tea party protests (Watch video clip)
　　“对于那些早在……我不知道，也许两个半月前就决定的人们来说，这就像当年的波士顿茶党不想再交税一样。茶包这个部分只是一个暗喻。【屏幕上，福克斯新闻的一个记者指出，一处茶党抗议需要一百万个茶包。】咱们直说了吧，你们要抗议浪费性开支，然后你们买了一百万个茶包。你们是想抗议税收啊还是在玩黑色幽默啊？”——乔·斯图尔特
　　"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel
　　“海盗的猖獗是让人难以置信的，但是奥巴马政府正被高度赞许，因为周六他们处理营救事宜的事情，要么就是因为军队的表现。但是我们现在面临这么多麻烦，谁能猜到我们的新总统在所有问题中不得不先处理的是海盗呢？下一个问题会是什么？一条龙？小鬼儿？”——吉米·卡莫
　　"And as you know, that captain of the merchant ship that was held captive by three Somali pirates was rescued when the pirates were shot and killed by a group of Navy Seals. President Obama authorized the military to use any force necessary to accomplish this. And today, the CEOs of Ford, Chrysler and GM said, 'We'll build any car you want.'" --Jay Leno
　　“就像你们知道的的那样，被三个索马里海盗抓住的商船船长获救了，海盗们被一队海军击毙。奥巴马总统授权给军队为达成这一目标可以使用任何必要的武力。然后今天，福特、克莱斯勒和通用的CEO们说，‘我们能造出任何你想要的车。’”——杰·雷诺
　　"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno
　　“奥巴马总统今年应该能拿到很多退税，因为他要养活的太多。AIG，花旗、摩根士丹利——都得他养活。”——杰·雷诺(小编注：美国有退税的政策，一般来说家里孩子多拿到的退税也多。)
　　"President Barack Obama got quite a reception when he was in Europe last week. Did you see while he was visiting Germany, the crowd started chanting, 'Yes, we can! Yes, we can!' Pretty amazing, a bunch of Germans chanting, 'Yes, we can.' That has got to make the French a little nervous, huh?" --Jay Leno
　　“奥巴马总统上周在欧洲非常受礼遇。你们看没看见他出访德国的时候，人们开始呼喊，‘我们做得到！我们做得到！’让人非常惊讶，一群德国人在叫喊‘我们做得到！’这肯定会让法国人有点紧张哈。”——杰·雷诺