英语幽默故事.docx

英语幽默故事精选
　 They are directly from America
它们是从美国直接带来的  
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. 　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”  

As the years turn
.生日来临之际
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President.  (Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.)When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. "There's no privacy in this country any more,"she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "
我奶奶过82岁的生日时，我送给她一份惊奇的礼物—一张由总统签名的生日贺卡。(根据规定，80岁以上的老年人可得到此项服务。)当我问奶奶收到来自白宫的贺卡有何感想时，她毫不犹豫地回答说:“在这个国家，再也没有隐私了，他们就连你的生日都追踪着。”
Identification
证明
A woman came into our bank to get a check cashed，but she didn't have an account with us.  When I asked her for some identification, she showed me several charge cards，her Social Security card and a library card. I told her we needed a driver's license，but she didri t have one.
一位妇女来到我们银行想兑换一张支票，但她在我们这儿没建立帐户。当我问她要证明材料时，她把社会保险卡、图书卡拿给我看。我告诉她我们要看她的驾驶证，她说她没有。
 "Don't you have something with your picture on it？"I asked.
“难道你就没带照片的东西吗？”
"Oh, sure,"she said as she flipped to a family photo in her wallet. "That's me in the back row. "
“噢，有啊，”她边说边从钱包里拿出一张合家照，“站在后排的那个就是我
Being considerate
.善解人意
I had iust learned to drive and, like most teen-agers，begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long，straight stretch on highway.I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road.Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station's advertising sign. I stopped the cat and waited for a lecture.
像大多数的青少年一样，我刚学会开车时，总想利用一切开车的机会。有一次家庭外出度假时，我经过请求，爸爸终于允许我在笔直的高速公路止驾驶。我感到十分荣幸，直到开到了一个急转弯，由于转盘转动得太大，车直奔着加油站的广告牌冲去。我停下了车，等着挨训。
My father，always considerate of his children's feelings，turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we're here,does anyone need to use the rest room?"
我的父亲总是考虑到孩子哟情绪，转过身对家里的其他人说:“既然我们已经把车开到了这儿，有人想上厕所吗?”
 A penny pincher
守财奴
There was once a large，fat woman who had a small，thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As soon as he got home on Fridays，his wife used to make hirn give her all his money，and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.
曾有一位块儿大、膘肥的女人，她的丈夫却是瘦小、干瘪。丈夫是在一家大公司做事。每到周五晚上领到工资，也正是周五这位丈夫回家时，老婆就让他把所有钱都交出来，然后再给他一点儿在办公室吃午饭的钱。
One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living-room. His wife was listening to the radio and eating chocolates.”You'll never guess what happened to me today，dear,"he said. He waited for a few seconds and then added:“I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!”
一天，这位小丈夫回到家，兴奋得不得了。他匆匆忙忙地来到起居室。他老婆正在那儿听广播，吃巧克力。“亲爱的，你永远也猜不到我今天怎么了，”他说道，过了数秒钟他又说:“我中了一万英磅的彩票。”
"That's wonderful!"said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily，"But wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the ticket?".
“太棒了!”他老婆非常高兴地说。但她又沉思了一会儿并气愤地问:“你说说，你拿什么钱买的彩票?”
It's a reminder
只是提醒而已!
Trying to cut down on expenses，I decided to bring a sack lunch towork.  Unfortunately, I kept forgetting my sandwiches in my morning rush. One night I left myself a note near the front door.
为了减少开支，我决定工作时自带午餐。不幸的是，在早上的忙乱中我总是忘了带事先准备的三明治。一天晚上，我在前门上给自己贴了个纸条。
Next morning I spotted the message and went to the refrigerator, but my lunch wasn't there. I retraced my steps and took a closer look at the note. Underneath "Don't forget your lunch"my roommate had scrawled，"Thanks!”
第二天早上，我看见了条子，来到了冰箱前，却发现我的午饭不见了。我顺着原路，到了那张纸条前仔细一看，在我那张写着“不要忘记带你的午饭”的纸上，我的室友在下边写下了“谢谢”。