雅思作文6分标准作文.docx

Every year several languages die out. Some peoplethink
that this is not important because life will be easier if
there are fewerlanguages in the world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with thisopinion?
Languages arecomplicated and charming, representing the unique
culture of some regionand country[c1] . Every year see[c2] several
languages dying out, yet we can not [c3] define that a bad thing.
Let’s [c4] begin with thinking [c5] the meaning of a language.
Language [c6] should provide people with the function ofdaily use.
When a certain language dies out, we are sure that people who usedto
use it must have found an alternative useful language. It is wise to
abandona useless tool. As long as they can finish communication
task[c7] successfully, it does not matter even ifit directly leads to a
language dying out. People have no reason to protect anendangered
language merely for the diversity’s sake. [c8] Namely, if some [c9]

language is useful, it will never fadeaway.Therefore, thedying out
process is part of the nature’s choices.
There are so manyadvantages of fewer languages. First is valid
understanding between countries.It is a peace start to share some
language, from which people in both countrieswill communicate more
effectively so confusion will vanish. Besides, increasingtravel and
business cooperation will take place. As they [c10] sharethe language
and different culture, more people will be willing to travelthere. Both
sides’ companies can communicate more easily, more resources willbe
shared. Fewer languages will help benefit economy in way of commerce
andtourism industry.
By way of conclusion, I want to reaffirm myposition. Although we hate
to see some languages dying out, we should cheer forthe advantages it
brought to the world.
注释：

[c1]Some regions and countries，前面 languages 用了复数后面要记得统一。
[c2]Sees
[c3]cannot
[c4]注意文章是议论文不是演讲稿，用 let’s 这不合适
[c5]thinking about
[c6]A language. 你上句话刚写了 the meaning of a language, 后面要记得对应。
[c7]Tasks
[c8]这句话差连接词和前面一句接起来
[c9]a，泛指的时候 建议用 a, some 容易引起歧义
[c10]They 指的是谁？

评分详情：
Total：(5.5+5.5+6+6.5)/4=6
Task response 5.5 分
1. present a clearposition
第一段已经明确提出立场
2. main ideas maybe unclear
由于衔接上的问题，第二段的论证有些混乱。
第三段第二个点不太明白你的意思是什么。你的点是 increasing travel and business
cooperationwill take place. 更多的人会出去旅游，同时商业合作也会增长？如果是的话，
这个点里面是两个分点还是一个点？另外这句 Both sides’ companies can
communicate moreeasily, more resources will be shared. 交流的多，更多的资源就会
被分享，你说的是什么样的资源？能举个例子吗？
Coherence and cohesion 5.5 分
1. present ideaswith some organization but may be lack of overall progression
2. under-use ofcohesive devices.

这两个问题在第二段里面特别明显。
首先是内容上有跳跃，其次是句子之间没有衔接好。我帮你修改了一下，注意看我是怎么
在不大量使用连词的情况下衔接句子的。
Languages shouldprovide people with the function of daily use, namelybeing
usable as a communication tool (这个地方解释清楚前面说的 thefunction of daily use
是什么). When a certain language dies out, usersof this language do not
appreciate the dying language asit does not make communicating with others
easy anymore（这个地方是承接前面一句话的 a language as a communication tool,
衔接的一个方法之一就是要用到上一句话里面的一个关键词）. So it is wise to abandon
the useless language (同理，用上一句话里面关键词 language). With the new
language（再次顺延上句话的最后一个词） adopted by these people, as long as it
servesas a good communication tool（照应上文的 thefunction of daily use, 即沟通
工具）, it does not matter even if the newlanguage kills the old one. In other
words （换个角度来阐述上一句话）, people have no reason to protect an
endangeredlanguage merely for the language diversity’s sake.
到这里我觉得可以打住了，不用在一遍又一遍的解释同一个点，再多说就比较啰嗦了。
3. may not alwaysuse referencing clearly
As they share thelanguage and different culture, more people will be willing to
travel there.

they 、there 分别指的是什么？无法和上文的内容衔接起来
Lexical resources 6 分
我感觉你的词汇量够写这样一个话题。但是参考前两项评分，你很多地方没有想清楚，所
以写出来的点有些模棱两可。基于这个情况下无法判断是否你是因为思路影响单词的发挥
还是因为单词的问题影响到你思路的展开。
Grammar 6.5 分
简单句居多主要为主谓宾基本结构的。注意简单句不等于短句子。
有若干条件状语从句 when/as long as/if 引导的
若干复合句