美剧《摩登家庭》英语剧本彩色打印版.doc

01 “Dude Ranch” .
Captain: We're beginning our initial descent into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you
for flying United. .
Phil: Reckon we'll be landing soon. .
Claire: Phil, honey, you promised... not till we got there. .
.
Phil: This year, we're going to a dude ranch with the whole family. .
Claire: Mm-hmm. The family. .
.
Haley: What if Dylan buys his own ticket? We'll be sleeping in separate cabins. .
Phil: What if Dylan and I share a horse? .
Claire: Mm, I hate landing. .
Dylan: We'll get through this. .
.
Gloria: Wow! Oh, my goodness. .
Jay: What are you doing? .
Gloria: I want my ears to pop. .
Manny: Try putting a little Rouge on 'em. Nobody gets me. .
Mitchell: Wow. Isn't this beautiful, little cowgirl? .
Cameron: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you? .
Mitchell: No, I told you, it's fine. I just didn't like you wearing a matching one. .
.
Mitchell: So we haven't told the family yet, but we've decided to adopt a baby boy. .
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Cameron: From America this time. You might say we're "buying domestic." .
Mitchell: In private... You might say that in private. .
Cameron: Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good idea to make a photo
book to show prospective moms. .
Mitchell: But he thought that Cam's version was a little too "artsy," so we've decided
to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out. .
Cameron: I don't think it need balancing out. .
Mitchell: Really? .
Cameron: It's called "Production value." .
.
[OPENING CREDITS] .
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Mitchell: Horse. .
Gloria: Look, Jay! So beautiful! .
Jay: Your ears haven't popped yet, huh? .
Gloria: I'm like the horse whisperer. But something is making this one skittish. .
Dylan: Whoa. Look at the mountains. .
Haley: They're amazing. .
Dylan: I've never been this far from home before now I've never been this far. .
Claire: Where's a cliff when you need one? .
Jay: Look, kids! A real life cowboy! .
Luke: Oh. Come see. Come see. .
Claire: Uh-oh. .
Luke: What's he doing? .
Claire: Oh, my.
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Hank: My name is Hank. Here at the Lost Creek Ranch, you're gonna ride, you're
gonna rope, and you're gonna shoot. You're gonna see a sky so full of stars, it'll put
your city lights to shame. And when it's all done, you might just encounter a piece of
yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions? .
Manny: Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or... .
Hank: I like you, kid. I'm gonna call you "Hollywood." .
Manny: That wasn't an answer. .
Hank: And who's this cactus flower? .
Gloria: What? .
Jay: That's my wife Gloria. .
Hank: Well, she's "Cactus Flower" now, old-timer. .
Jay: These, uh, these nicknames... are they set in stone? .
.
Hank: Okey dokey. You ready, gunslinger? .
Phil: I heard word of trouble in these parts. Pull! That oughta fix it, eh, Jay? .
Jay: You got a piece of it. .
Phil: I've been practicing like crazy, all my cowboy skills... shootin', ropin'. pancake
eatin'. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man. .
.
Phil: It's just that when you say, "Phil is my son-in-law," it sounds like you're saying,
"Phyllis, my son-in-law." .
Jay: That's ridiculous. .
Phil:Okay, who's your son-in-law? .
Jay: Phyllis. .
.
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Phil: I'm not asking for a hug. I just want to get that look of newfound respect, like...
Or... Or... mm. Yeah. .
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Phil: Check it out. Two birds, one leg. Pull it! Not bad, eh, Old-timer? .
Hank: Uh, see, slappy only had three fingers. .
Gloria: What? .
Hank: He only had three fingers. Who's next? .
Mitchell: Oh, me. Me. .
Cameron: Oh, this is good. This is good. Tres macho. No smile. Don't smile. Good. .
Hank: You ready? .
Mitchell: Wait. Do I say "pull"? Sorry. Sorry. .
Jay: Mitchell, why don't you go find Manny at the spa? Wouldn't that be more fun? .
Mitchell: Yeah. .
.
Mitchell: I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy, I needed to butch up my life. You
know, I wanted to be able to teach my son all the things that my Dad taught Claire. .
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Luke: Hey, Hollywood. .
Manny: I don't love that. .
Luke: Wanna see something? .
Manny: Oh, my gosh. Is that a firecracker? .
Luke: Shh! Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. .
Manny: Is that thing even legal? .
Luke: Not here. It's from Germany. If they had this during the war, right now we'd all
be knee-deep in strudel. .
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Alex : Watch it! .
Jimmy: What you doing, eh? You readin'? .
Alex : Trying to. .
Jimmy: I'm not so good at it either. .
Alex : I'm not surprised. .
Jimmy: That was a joke. I'm Jimmy Scrivano. You want to see me do a cannonball? .
Alex : I'd rather see you get hit by one, but... .
Jimmy: Ha. Good one, gorgeous. .
.
Gloria: Jay! Is this like the lobster?! Do I get to pick one for dinner? Because this one
looks very tender. .
Hank: Look alive, Old-timer. One of your calves is getting away. .
Jay: Hey, something's wrong with my horse. She's veering left. When this happened
to my Uncle, it was a stroke. .
Hank: Oh, there's nothing wrong with Buttercup. You just gotta let her know who's
boss! Beautiful form, Cactus Flower! Beautiful! You look like a dadgum conquistadora! .
Jay ; She's deaf, but I can hear ya. .
Cameron: Why are you riding that way? .
Mitchell: I'm afraid that cow over there might bite me. .
Cameron: Oh, yes, he's gonna come up and bite you because your leg looks so
desirable with those... are those canvas? .
Claire: Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me. .
Phil: Got it. .
Claire: Ease him back this way. .
Phil: Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay? Huh? .
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Hank: Ease that one over to Bossy. .
Phil: Which one's Bossy? .
Hank: That's my nickname for your wife. .
Phil: Hilarious. .
Haley: Go, Mom! Whoo! .
Dylan: Yeah, Mom! You rock! .
Claire: Oh, I wish I had a rock. .
Phil: Hey. It wouldn't kill you to be nice to Dylan. .
Claire: It might. But, honey, I don't know why you always stick up for him. Haley can
do so much better. .
Phil: Because I know what it's like to fall for a girl whose dad thinks I'm not good
enough. .
Claire: All right, you're right. I can make more of an effort. .
Phil: That's the woman I love. .
Hank: We taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe. .
Phil: No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy. .
Hank: Uh-huh. .
Claire: Phil! .
Phil: I'm sorry. .
Gloria: Jay, look! I got this one! I got this one! .
Jay: She's veering left again. When we get back, I'm gonna see if she can track a
pencil with her eyes. .
.
Alex : Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time. Now don't kick me, okay? Aah!
Oh! Lily! I said don't kick me. Okay? .
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Jimmy: You know it's your own fault that's happening. Why don't you try standing
behind her? .
Alex : You are an idiot. .
Jimmy: Oh, really? I ain't the one getting kicked. .
Alex : Why are you following me? .
Jimmy: Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous? This works. .
Alex : I really, really don't appreciate you calling me "gorgeous." I just want to enjoy
time with my family, so if you don't mind... mm! .
Jimmy: Not a problem. See you around, sunshine. .
Lily: You kissed a boy! .
Alex : No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? The boy kissed me. .
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Dylan: ♪ I rode a horse for the first time today wasn't surprised when it went... neigh ♪ .
Claire: Okay. Hey, Dylan. .
Dylan: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. .
Claire: I was wondering if we could have a little chat. .
Dylan: Oh. You want me to go home. .
Claire: No, no. It's the... the opposite of that. .
Dylan: I want you to go home? .
Claire: No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that you're here. .
Dylan: Really? 'Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you don't like me. .
Claire: Oh. Dylan, no. I'm sorry. I-I like you. I-I like you a lot. I just... It's complicated
because Haley's my daughter. .
Dylan: Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You are totally a hot mom, but I can't do this. .
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Claire: Oh, my God. Okay, we... there's... no, no. I merely meant that I'm sorry if I
made you feel unwelcome. .
Dylan: Whew! That would have been awkward. .
Claire: So awkward. .
Dylan: You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy... .
Claire: Yes? .
Dylan: If Haley wasn't my girlfriend... .
Claire: Yeah. .
Dylan: And Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture... .
Claire: Mm-hmm. .
Dylan: I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my
own. .
Claire: Okay. Good talk. .
.
Gloria: ♪ She'll be running down the mountain. she'll be running down the Mountain
when she comes ♪ .
Jay: The song ended two minutes ago. .
Hank: Well, I'll tell you what. She could play Evita. .
Jay: Really? You notice the crickets left? Anyone want more water? .
Mitchell: Oh, Dad, I'll take one. .
Jay: Heads up. .
Claire: Oh, my gosh. .
Mitchell: Oh. It was... it was dark. I-I couldn't see it. Thank you. .
.
Manny: So did you set off the firecracker yet? .
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Luke: When I do, you won't have to ask. First, all the electronics will go out, then
comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead. .
Manny: And yet I'm the one on the "No-fly" list. .
Cameron: You know what? Maybe next time I'll just catch it and then hand it to you. .
Mitchell: Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do that. You... you do everything, and I'll do nothing. .
Cameron: Something on your mind? .
Mitchell: This isn't the right place to talk about it. .
Cameron: Okay. .
Mitchell: I-I'm s... I'm not sure if we should have another baby. .
Cameron: What? Are you serious? .
Mitchell: I think that we might be rushing into this. .
Cameron: Rushing into... we've been working... .
Dylan: Everybody, it's me, Dylan. I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this
trip and making me feel like one of the family, uh, especially Bossy. So I can't think of
a better time to ask something of the woman that I love. Okay. .
Claire: No, no. .
Dylan: Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, will you do me the honors of being my lawfully
wedded... .
Claire: No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals. Not now. Not gonna happen. She's a
child, so... .
Haley: Mom! .
Claire: You're still in high school! .
Dylan: I meant after she graduates. .
Claire: Not then. Not now. Not ever. Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of?
The... the... the royalties from the horsey song? Put it back in your pocket. .
Haley: Would you stop it? .
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Claire: No, I won't. I won't. .
Dylan: No, it's okay. I guess I'll just turn in. Just so you know, there's a fan in my cabin
that sounds like someone crying. .
Haley: Dylan, wait! I hate you! .
Claire: Oh, come on. Haley, get back here! Phil, anything? .
Phil: I think you said it all, Claire. You want me to rope her? I can, you know. .
Hank: For what it's worth, my second wife was in high school. .
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Cameron: Sweetie, here. Here we go. One, two, three. One, two, three. Gone. .
Lily: It's gone! It's over there! .
Cameron: It's not back there. .
Lily: We counted to three. .
Cameron: Yes. .
Mitchell: Hey. .
Cameron: Where have you been? .
Mitchell: I-I slept on the couch in the lodge. I know you didn't want to have a big fight
last night. .
Cameron: Well, I'm ready now. .
Mitchell: Cam, I'm sorry. Look, what if I can't do the father-son stuff? The hunting,
the... the sports, the Three Stooges? You know what happens in real life when
someone gets hit in the head with a ladder? They go to the hospital and they get an
MRI. Never see that scene. .
Cameron: I think you're overthinking this. You know, I love sports, I love the Stooges.
We've got this covered. .
Mitchell: No. No, you... you got it covered, but I'm just stuck on the sidelines,
pretending to understand the rules, and... You know, my dad was a rough-and-tumble
guy, and I just... I could never relate to him. And I don't know. I just don't think I could
handle disappointing... two generations. .
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Cameron: I think you're more masculine than you give yourself credit for. .
Mitchell: Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch? .
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Gloria: Claire, I know that you're worried that Dylan is gonna break Haley's heart, but
I see in his eyes that he's gonna stick with her forever. No matter what, he's always
going to be with her. On your deathbed... .
Claire: Okay. All right. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna go find her. .
Jay: No. You push too hard, you chase her right into his arms, you'll end up with a
boob for a son-in-law. Believe me, you don't want that. .
Phil: What's that supposed to mean? .
Jay: What? .
Haley: Hey, have you guys seen Dylan? .
Claire: No. No. Why? .
Haley: I'm not talking to you. He said he was going out for a walk last night, and no
one's seen him since. .
Phil: Sweetheart, I'm sure he's fine. Maybe after last night, he just went home. .
Manny: Doubt it. He left his luggage. .
Haley: We have to do something