生活大爆炸_第一季英语剧本.doc

生活大爆炸第一季
第一集
[00:00.00]so ***** with two slits in it and either slit is observed,
[00:03.00]it will not go through both slits.
[00:05.51]If it's unobserved, it will.
[00:06.77]However,if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target,
[00:10.20]it will not have gone though both slits.
[00:12.00]Agreed. What's your point?
[00:14.25]There's no point. I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.
[00:22.96]Excuse me.
[00:23.99]Hang on.
[00:28.72]Uh,one across is "aegean. "
[00:30.66]Eight down is "nabokov. " 26 across is "mcm. "
[00:34.81]14 down is... move your finger...
[00:38.00]"phylum" which makes 14 across "port-au-prince"
[00:42.25]see,"papa doc's capitol idea," that's "port-au-prince. "
[00:47.00]Haiti.
[00:49.51]- Can I help you? - Yes.
[00:53.36]Um... is this the high-iq sperm bank?
[00:58.80]If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.
[01:02.74]I think this is the place.
[01:05.44]- Fill these out. - Thank you.
[01:07.31]We'll be right back.
[01:08.47]Oh,take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.
[01:12.89]Oh,wait.
[01:25.41]Leonard,I don't think I can do this.
[01:27.47]What,are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.
[01:30.98]No. We are committing genetic fraud.
[01:33.50]There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high-iq offspring. Think about that.
[01:37.81]I have a sister with the same basic dna mix who hostesses at fuddruckers.
[01:42.69]Sheldon,this was your idea.
[01:44.77]A little extra money to get fractional t-1 bandwith in the apartment.
[01:48.03]I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads.
[01:52.00]But there's some poor woman who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.
[01:55.27]What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential
[01:58.89]to solve the area under a curve?
[02:02.32]I'm sure she'll still love him.
[02:03.99]I wouldn'T.
[02:07.05]Well,what do you want to do?
[02:08.66]- I want to leave. - Okay.
[02:11.54]What's the protocol for leaving?
[02:13.18]I don't know- I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.
[02:17.83]Let's try just walking out.
[02:20.25]Okay.
[02:31.61]- Bye. - Bye. Nice meeting you.
[02:36.80]Are you still made about the sperm bank?
[02:38.41]No.
[02:40.99]You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
[02:44.31]Not really.
[02:45.93]If the height of a single step
[02:49.97]I don't care.
[02:53.18]Two milli... that doesn't seem right.
[02:55.17]No,it's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12.
[02:57.66]My father broke his clavicle.
[03:00.53]Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
[03:02.59]No. That was a result of my work with lasers.
[03:11.42]- new neighbor? - Evidently.
[03:13.99]Significant improvement over the old neighbor.
[03:17.56]200-pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes,she is.
[03:23.36]- Oh,hi. - Hi.
[03:24.76]- Hi. - Hi.
[03:25.82]- Hi. - Hi?
[03:30.24]We don't mean to interrupt. We live across the hall.
[03:32.56]Oh,that's nice.
[03:34.73]Oh,no,uh,we don't live together.
[03:36.94]I mean,we live together, but in separate,
[03:40.86]heterosexual bedrooms.
[03:43.28]Oh. Okay,well,guess I'm your new neighbor. Penny.
[03:46.71]Oh. Leonard. Sheldon.
[03:48.10]- Hi. - Hi.
[03:49.13]Hi. Hi. Hi.
[03:53.36]Well,uh... oh,uh,welcome to the building.
[03:56.69]Oh,thank you. Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
[03:59.13]- Oh,great. - Great.
[04:00.35]- Great. - Great.
[04:04.08]- Well,uh,bye. - Bye.
[04:05.85]- Bye. - Bye.
[04:10.41]Should we have invited her for lunch?
[04:12.05]No. We're gonna start season two of battlestar galactica.
[04:15.82]We already watched the season two dvds.
[04:17.88]Not with commentary.
[04:21.85]I think we should be good neighbors and invite her over, make her feel welcome.
[04:26.23]We never invited louie-slash-louise over.
[04:30.13]Well... and that was wrong of us.
[04:31.82]We need to widen our circle.
[04:33.64]I have a very wide circle.
[04:36.57]I have 212 friends on myspace.
[04:40.77]Yes,and you've never met one of them.
[04:43.58]That's the beauty of it.
[04:47.48]I'm gonna invite her over.
[04:49.63]We'll have a nice meal and... chat.
[04:52.24]Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline.
[04:57.44]Well,it's not difficult. You just listen to what she says
[05:00.56]and then you say something appropriate in response.
[05:04.74]To what end?
[05:07.68]Hi. Again.
[05:09.49]- Hi. - Hi.
[05:12.75]Anyway,um... we brought home indian food.
[05:16.81]And,um...
[05:18.19]I know that moving can be stressful,
[05:20.66]and,and,I find that when I'm undergoing stress,
[05:22.73]that good food and company can have a comforting effect.
[05:27.22]Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you,
[05:30.42]that,you know,a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.
[05:36.96]Leonard,I'm no expert here, but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation,
[05:39.97]you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.
[05:42.76]Oh,you're inviting me over to eat?
[05:45.15]Uh... yes.
[05:47.18]Oh,that's so nice. I'd love to.
[05:49.27]Great.
[05:50.46]So,what do you guys do for fun around here?
[05:53.59]Well,today we tried masturbating for money.
[05:59.91]Our whole universe was in a hot,dense state
[06:03.40]then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... wait!
[06:07.41]The earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drool,
[06:10.20]neanderthals developed tools we built the wall
[06:12.59]we built the pyramids math,science,history,
[06:14.74]unraveling the mystery that all started
[06:17.13]with a big bang bang!
[06:18.25]<font color="#ffff00">- =www. ydy. com/bbs=- proudly presents</font>
[06:20.25]<font color="#ffff00"> SNYC: cflily - =www. ydy. com/bbs=- </font>
[06:21.92]<font color="#ffff00">THE BIG BANG THEOTY Season 01 Episode 01 </font>
[06:25.36]yourself at home.
[06:27.10]Okay. Thank you.
[06:28.77]You're very welcome.
[06:34.26]This looks like some serious stuff. Leonard,did you do this?
[06:37.16]Actually,that's my work.
[06:40.18]Wow.
[06:41.11]Yeah. Well,it's just some quantum mechanics with a little string theory doodling around the edges.
[06:45.98]That part there, that's just a joke.
[06:47.62]It's a spoof of the born-oppenheimer approximation.
[06:52.05]So you're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys.
[06:56.54]Yeah.
[06:59.11]This is really impressive.
[07:00.53]I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.
[07:04.56]Holy smokes.
[07:05.94]If by "holy smokes" you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff
[07:09.55]you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at mit,sure.
[07:13.50]- What? - Come on.
[07:14.83]Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit, broken-hearted"?
[07:18.93]At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the mathouome ct.
[07:22.92]I didn't invent them. They're there.
[07:24.59]In what universe?
[07:25.59]In all of them- that is the point.
[07:28.32]Uh... do you guys mind if I start?
[07:30.16]Um... penny...
[07:32.47]that's where i sit.
[07:35.95]So,sit next to me.
[07:38.83]No... I sit there.
[07:41.95]- What's the difference? - What's the difference?
[07:43.82]Here we go.
[07:46.01]In the winter,that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm,
[07:48.99]and yet not so close as to cause perspiration in the summer,
[07:52.03]it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there
[07:55.86]it faces the television at an angle that is neither direct,
[07:58.70]thus discouraging conversation,
[08:00.22]nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.
[08:02.67]I could go on,but I think I've made my point.
[08:09.17]Do you want me to move?
[08:10.60]- Well... - just sit somewhere else.
[08:14.88]Fine.
[08:34.10]Sheldon,sit!
[08:37.55]Ah.
[08:40.82]Well,this is nice.
[08:42.30]We don't have a lot of company over.
[08:44.00]That's not true- koothrappali and wolowitz come over all the time.
[08:46.77]Yes,I know,but...
[08:47.83]tuesday night we played klingon boggle till 1:00 in the morning.
[08:50.11]Yeah,I remember.
[08:51.30]I resent you saying we don't have company.
[08:52.79]- I'm sorry. - That has negative social implications.
[08:54.22]I said I'm sorry!
[08:57.40]So... klingon boggle?
[09:00.22]Yeah. It's like regular boggle,but... in klingon.
[09:07.27]That's probably enough about us. So,tell us about you.
[09:10.21]Um... me? Okay.
[09:12.76]I'm a sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
[09:16.63]Yes. It tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion
[09:20.13]that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth
[09:24.23]somehow affects your personality.
[09:29.04]Participate in the what?
[09:30.86]I think what sheldon's trying to say is that sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.
[09:35.75]Oh,yeah. A lot of people think I'm a water sign. Penny:
[09:39.21]Okay,let's see, what else.
[09:41.08]Oh,I'm a vegetarian. Except for fish.
[09:43.20]And the occasional steak. I love steak!
[09:47.98]Well,that's interesting. Leonard can't process corn.
[09:55.40]Well,uh,do you have some sort of a job?
[09:57.80]Oh,yeah. I'm a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
[10:00.62]Oh... I love cheesecake.
[10:02.96]You're lactose-intolerant.
[10:04.10]I don't eat it- I just think it's a good idea.
[10:07.68]Oh. Anyways,I'm also writing a screenplay.
[10:10.10]It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. From lincoln,nebraska,
[10:13.36]to be an actress and winds up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
[10:18.42]So,it's based on your life.
[10:20.34]No,I'm from omaha.
[10:25.75]Well,if that was movie, I would go see it.
[10:27.88]I know,right?
[10:29.79]Okay,let's see,what else... um...
[10:32.58]guess that's about it.
[10:34.81]That's the story of penny.
[10:37.54]Well,it sounds wonderful.
[10:40.54]It was.
[10:42.09]Until I fell in love with a jerk!
[10:48.77]What's happening?
[10:52.51]God,you know, four years I lived with him.
[10:54.87]Four years- that's like as long as high school.
[10:57.90]It took you four years to get through high school?
[11:02.61]It just... I can't believe I trusted him.
[11:10.38]Should I say something? I feel like I should say something.
[11:12.92]You? No,you'll only make it worse.
[11:14.92]You want to know the most pathetic part?
[11:17.14]Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts...
[11:20.91]I still love him.
[11:23.25]Is that crazy?
[11:24.64]Yes.
[11:27.99]No,it's not crazy.
[11:29.76]It's uh... uh... it's a paradox.
[11:32.99]Paradoxes are part of nature.
[11:35.49]Think about light. If you look at huygens, light is a wave,
[11:39.31]as confirmed by the double - slit experiments,
[11:41.25]but then along comes albert einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles,too.
[11:49.72]Well,I didn't make it worse.
[11:53.67]I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess.
[11:56.06]On top of everything else, I'm all gross from moving and my stupid shower doesn't even work.
[12:00.01]Our shower works.
[12:02.94]Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it?
[12:04.91]Yes.
[12:05.71]- No. - No?
[12:06.69]- No. - No.
[12:09.23]It's right down the hall.
[12:10.63]Thanks. You guys are really sweet.
[12:20.26]well,this is an interesting development.
[12:25.80]How so?
[12:26.93]It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
[12:31.74]That's not true. Remember at thanksgiving my grandmother with alzheimer's had that episode?
[12:38.10]Point taken. It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off,
[12:41.78]after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.
[12:45.67]The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.
[12:49.41]So what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?
[12:53.36]Excuse me?
[12:54.67]That woman in there is not going to have sex with you.
[12:56.87]Well,I'm not trying to have sex with her.
[12:59.43]Oh,good. Then you won't be disappointed.
[13:02.89]What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?
[13:04.88]I'm a male and she's a female.
[13:07.41]Yes,but not of the same species.
[13:10.76]I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here.
[13:12.81]I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.
[13:14.83]Oh,of course.
[13:16.95]That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn't participate.
[13:23.92]However briefly.
[13:26.72]Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered
[13:28.96]when she discovers your luke skywalker no-more-tears shampoo?
[13:33.73]It's darth vader shampoo.
[13:37.22]luke skywalker's the conditioner.
[13:41.80]Wait till you see this.
[13:42.78]It's fantastic, unbelievable.
[13:44.47]See what?
[13:46.82]It's a stephen hawking lecture from mit in 1974.
[13:50.96]This isn't a good time.
[13:52.15]It's before he became a creepy computer voice. Leonard:
[13:58.74]That's great. You guys have to go.
[14:00.12]Why?
[14:00.94]It's just not a good time.
[14:02.02]Leonard has a lady over.
[14:04.23]Yeah,right- your grandmother back in town?
[14:08.99]No. And she's not a lady.
[14:11.06]She's just a new neighbor.
[14:12.89]Hang on,there really is a lady here?
[14:15.70]Uh-huh.
[14:16.46]And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?
[14:20.04]I'm not anticipating coitus.
[14:21.76]So she's available for coitus?
[14:23.03]Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?
[14:25.53]Technically,that would be "coitus interruptus. "
[14:29.08]Hey,is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower...?
[14:32.22]Oh,hi. Sorry. Hello.
[14:36.91]Enchant? mademoiselle.
[14:40.75]Howard wolowitz caltech department of applied physics.
[14:43.90]You may be familiar with some of my work.
[14:46.16]It's currently orbiting jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs.
[14:52.36]Penny. I work at the cheesecake factory.
[14:55.19]Come on,I'll show you the trick with the shower.
[14:57.75]Bonne douche.
[14:59.42]I'M... I'm sorry?
[15:00.93]It's french for "good shower. "
[15:02.95]It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.
[15:06.38]Save it for your blog,howard.
[15:09.86]细鐾纯快澡
[15:16.43]all right, there it goes. It sticks. I'm sorry.
[15:18.93]Okay,thanks.
[15:19.72]Reyou' welcome. Oh,you're just going to step right... okay,I'll...
[15:23.48]- hey,leonard... - the hair products are sheldon'S.
[15:25.98]Okay.
[15:27.41]Um,can I ask you a favor?
[15:30.02]A favor?
[15:31.64]Sure,you can ask me a favor. I would do you a favor for you.
[15:35.69]It's okay if you say no.
[15:37.29]Oh,I'll probably say yes.
[15:40.12]It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met.
[15:44.46]Wow.
[15:54.36]I really think we should examine the chain