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Growing Up
1 Fifty years ago parents still asked boys if they wanted to grow up to be president, and asked it not jokingly but seriously. Many parents who were hardly more than paupers still believed their sons could do it. Abraham Lincoln had done it. We were only sixty-five years from Lincoln. Many of grandfather who walked among us could remeber Lincoln. Men of grandfatherly age were the worst for asking if you wanted to grow up to be president. A surprising number of little boys said yes and meant it.五十年前父母大都会问男孩子们长大后想不想当总统，问这话时一本正经，并非开玩笑。许多穷得跟乞丐似的父母也仍然相信他们的孩子能当上总统。亚伯拉罕・林肯就做到了。我们与林肯那个时代仅仅差65年。依然健在的许多爷爷辈的人还能记得林肯时代。就是他们最喜欢问你长大后想不想当总统。回答说想当的小男孩数量多得惊人，而且他们是当真的。
2 I was asked many times myself. No, I didn’t want to grow up to be president. My mother was present during one of these interrogations. An elderly uncle, having posed the usual question and exposed my lack of interest in the presidency, asked, “Well, what do you want to be when you grow up.我就曾经被问过多次。我会回答说不，我长大后不想当总统。有一个年纪大的叔叔，当着母亲的面向我提出这个问烂了的问题，发现了我对当总统不感兴趣，他就接着又问：“那你长大了想干什么呢？”
3 I loved to pick through trash piles and collect empty bottles, tin cans with pretty labels, and discarded magazines. The most desirable job on earth sprang instantly to mind. “I want to be a garbage man,” I said.我那时喜欢到垃圾堆上去拣东西，收集空瓶子、有漂亮标签的罐子和废弃的杂志。世界上最吸引我的工作立刻浮现在我的脑子里。“我想当一个垃圾工。”我说道。
4 My uncle smiled, but my mother had seen the first distressing evidence of a bump budding on a log. “Have a little gumption, Russell,” she said. Her calling me Russell was a signal of unhappiness. When she approved of me I was always “Buddy”.叔叔听后笑了，而母亲却觉察到了我那呆头呆脑的苗头，不免伤心。“有点上进心吧，拉塞尔。”她说道。她叫我“拉塞尔”表明她不高兴，因为她夸我的时候总是叫我“小家伙”。
5 When I turned eight years old she decided that the job of starting me on the road toward making something of myself could no longer be safely delayed, “Buddy ,” she said one day, “ I want you to come home right after school this afternoon. Somebody’s coming and I want you to meet him.”转眼间我长到了八岁， 她觉得我得找个工作，开始踏上那条让我自己成就点什么的道路，而不能再四平八稳地坐失良机了。“巴迪”，有一天她跟我说，“今天放学后马上回家。有人要来，我要你见见他。”
6 When I burst in that afternoon she was in conference in the parlor with an executive of the Curtis Publishing Company. She introduced me. He bent low from the waist and shook my hand. Was it true as my mother had told him, he asked, that I longer for the opportunity to conquer the world of business?那天下午我冲进家门的时候，她正在客厅里跟柯蒂斯出版公司的一个负责人谈话。他把我介绍给他。他弯下腰和我握了握手，问我是不是像母亲说的那样渴望获得进入商界的机会。
7 My mother replied that I was blessed with a rare determination to make to succeed in business.” 母亲在一旁忙说我决意要使自己成为一个有所成就的人。
8 “That’s right,” I said.“是的。”我低声说。
9 “But have you got the grit, the character, the never-say-quit spirit it takes to succeed in business.”“那么，你是否具备在商业上获得成功所需要的刚强、勇气和绝不放弃的精神呢？”
10 My mother said I certainly did.母亲回答说我当然具备。
11 “That’s right,” I said.“是的。”我说。
12 He eyed me silently for a long pause, as though weighing whether I could be trusted to keep his confidence, then spoke man-to-man. Before taking a crucial step, he said, he wanted to advise me that working for the Curtis Publishing Company placed enormous responsibility on a young man. It was one of the great companies of America. Perhaps the greatest publishing house in the world. I had heard, no doubt, of the Saturday Post?他盯着我好一会儿，默不作声，似乎在掂量着我是否值得他的信任，然后和我坦率地谈了起来。他说，在走出关键性的一步之前，他得提醒我，年轻人为柯蒂斯出版公司工作要承担巨大的责任。它是美国最了不起的公司之一，也许是世界上最了不起的出版公司。毫无疑问，我肯定听说过《星期六晚邮报》吧？
13 Heard of it? My mother said everyone in our house had heard of the Saturday Post and that, I, in fact, read it with religious devotion.岂止听说过母亲说全家人可是都知道《星期六邮报》的，而且说我实际上是它的忠实读者。
14 He said he had been so impressed by what he had seen of me that he was going to make me a representative of the Curtis Publishing Company. On the following Tuesday, he said, thirty freshly printed copies of the Saturday Evening Post would be delivered at our door. I would place these magazines still damp with the ink of the presses, in a handsome canvas bag, sling it over my shoulder, and set forth through the streets to bring the best in journalism, fiction, and cartoons to the American public.最后，他说他对我的印象非常深刻，打算吸纳我为柯蒂斯出版公司的一员。他说，下周二会有三十份刚印刷出来的《星期六晚邮报》送到我家门口。我要把这些还带着印刷油墨潮气的期刊放到一个漂亮的帆布包里，吊挂在我的肩上，然后走上大街小巷，把新闻、小说和卡通的精华带给美国大众。
15 He had brought the canvas bag with him. He presented it with reverence fit for a chasuble. He should me how to drape the sling over my left shoulder and across the chest so that the pouch lay easily accessible to my right hand, allowing the best in journalism, fiction, and cartoons to be swiftly extracted and sold to a citizenry whose happiness and security depended upon us soldiers of the free press.他随身带着那个帆布包。他把它打开时那毕恭毕敬的神情简直像是神父在打开一件十字褡。他向我演示如何把吊带搭在我的左肩上，从胸前穿过，这样我的右手就能方便地伸到邮袋里，以便迅速地取出那些新闻、小说和卡通的精华卖给市民，他们的幸福和安全可全指望着我们这些自由报业的战士呢。
16 The following Tuesday I raced home from school, put the canvas bag over my shoulder, dumped the magazines in, and, tilting to the left to balance their weight on my right hip, embarked on the highway of journalism.星期二放学后我跑回家，把帆布包挎在肩上，装上杂志，左右移了移，让它的重量平衡，然后迈开步伐踏上了新闻业的征途。
17 We lived in Belleville, New Jersey, a commuter town at the northern fringe of Newark. It was 1932, the bleakest year of the Depression. My father had died two years before, leaving us with a few pieces of Sears Roebuck furniture and not much else, and my mother had taken Doris and me to live with one of her younger brothers. This was my Uncle Allen had made something of himself by 1932. As a salesman for a soft-drink bottler in Newark, he had an income of $30 a week, wore pearl-gray spats, detachable collars, and a three-piece suit; was happily married; and took in threadbare relatives.我们住在新泽西州贝勒镇，它位于纽瓦克北部边缘，处于一个市郊间上下班的枢纽上。那是1932年，大萧条最严峻的年代。父亲两年前就去世了，只留给我们几件从希尔斯・罗巴克公司买来的家具，就没别的了。母亲带着多丽丝和我跟小舅舅艾伦住在一起。艾伦舅舅在1932年的时候就已经小有成就了。他在纽瓦克推销软饮料装瓶机。他每周的收入30美元；他总是脚上套着珠灰色的鞋套，颈上系着可脱卸衣领，身上穿着三件套的西服。他的婚姻也很美满。就是他接纳了我们这些穷亲戚。
18 With my load of magazines I headed toward Belleville Avenue. That’s where the people were. There were two filling stations at the intersection with Union Avenue, as well as an A&P, a fruit stand, a bakery shop, Zuccarelli’s drugstore, and a diner shaped like a railroad car. For several hours I made myself highly visible, shifting position now and then from corner to corner, from shop window to shop window, to make sure everyone could see the heavy black letting on the canvas bag that said The Saturday Evening Post. When the angle of the light indicated it was suppertime, I walked back to the house.我背着沉甸甸的期刊朝贝勒大街走去。那里是人最多、最热闹的地方。在与联邦大街交叉的十字路口，有两家汽车加油站，还有一个大西洋及太平洋茶叶公司、一个水果摊、一家面包店、一家理发店、祖卡雷利的杂货店和一家外形像火车车箱的小饭馆。接下来的几个小时，为了能让人们看到我，我不时地变换位置，从一个街口到另一个街口，从一个橱窗到另一个橱窗，确保每个人都能看到帆布包上印的又黑又粗的字：“星期六晚邮报”。当天色已晚，该吃晚饭了，我才往家走。
19 “How many did you sell, Buddy?” my mother asked.“你卖了几份，小家伙？”母亲问道。
20 “None.”“一份没卖。”
21 “Where did you go?”“你去哪儿卖的？”
22 “The corner of Belleville and Union Avenue.”“贝勒大街和联邦大街的街口。”
23 “What did you do?”“你是怎么卖的？”
24 “Stood on the corner waiting for somebody to buy a Saturday Evening Post.”“站在那儿，等人来买喽。”
25 “You just stood there?”“就只站在那儿？”
26 “Didn’t sell a single one.”“一份也没卖出去。”
27 “For God’s sake, Russell!” “天啊，拉塞尔！”
28 Uncle Allen intervened. “I’ve been thinking about it for some time,” he said, “and I’ve about decided to take the Post regularly. Put me a nickel. It was the first nickel I earned.艾伦舅舅插话了。“我考虑了有一段时间了，”他说，“我决定定期看这份邮报，把我当个固定顾客吧。”我递给他一份期刊，他付给我一枚5分硬币。这是我挣到的第一枚硬币。
29 Afterwards my mother instructed me in salesmanship . Iwould have to ring doorbells, address adults with charming self-confidence, and break down resistance with a sales talk pointing out that no one, no matter how poor ,could afford to be without the Saturday Evening Post in the home.之后母亲教了我一些推销术。我得去按人家的门铃，对大人们发表演说，要使他们无法拒绝，就得凭我三寸不烂之舌让他们相信，任何人——不管多穷——家里要是没有《星期六晚邮报》可是一个极大的损失。
30 I told my mother I’d changed my mind about wanting to succeed in the magazine business. 我跟母亲说我改主意了，不想在期刊业上有所成就了。
31 “If you think I’m going to raise a good-for-nothing,” she replied, “you’ve got another think coming.” She told me to hit the streets with the canvas bag and start ringing doorbells the instant school was out next day. I bowed to superior will and entered journalism with a heavy heart.“如果你认为我打算养一个饭桶，”母亲回答说，“那你可再得好好想想。”她要我第二天一放学就背着帆布包到大街上去按别人家的门铃。我只好领了圣旨，我带着一颗沉甸甸的心步入了新闻界。
32 By the time I was ten I had learned all my mother’s maxims by heart. The one I most despised was, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This was the battle cry with which she constantly sent me back into the hopeless struggle whenever I moaned that I had rung every doorbell in town and knew there wasn’t a single potential buyer left in Belleville that week. After listening to my explanation, she handed me the canvas bag and said, “If at first you don’t succeed…”到我十岁的时候，我就熟记了母亲所有的格言。我最讨厌的那句就是：“如果开头失利，尝试，再尝试。”这就像一声战斗的呐喊，就是这句话，她一再地把我遣返到那毫无希望的战斗中去，即使我申辩说我已经按了镇上所有人家的门铃，觉得那个星期贝勒镇上不会有哪个人再来买这份期刊，那也无济于事。听完我的解释之后，她依旧会把帆布包递给我，说：“如果开头失利不要紧……”
33 Three years in that job, which I would gladly have quit after the first day except for her insistence, produced at least one valuable result. My mother finally concluded that I would never make something careers that demand less competitive zeal.三年的卖报生涯——要不是她坚持，我本来在第一天就可以开开心心地不干了——至少产生了一个有价值的结果。母亲终于得出结论，我绝不能在商界干出什么名堂来，于是，她开始为我考虑其他不需要太多竞争热情的职业。
34 One evening when I was eleven I brought home a short “composition” on my summer vacation which the teacher had graded with an A. Reading it with her own schoolteacher’s eye, my mother agreed that it was top-drawer seventh grade prose and complimented me. Nothing more was said about it immediately, but a new idea had taken life in her mind. Halfway through supper she suddenly interrupted the conversation.十一岁那年的一天晚上，我拿回家一篇我写的关于暑假的短“作文”，老师在上面批了个“A”。 母亲用她老师的眼光读了一遍，也认为这是一篇最优秀的七年级的散文，并表扬了我。当时她没再多说什么，但是一个新的想法已经在她的心里形成了。晚饭吃到一半的时候，她突然打断我们的谈话。
35 “Buddy,” she said, “maybe you could be a writer.”“孩子，”她说，“也许你能当个作家。”
36 I clasped the idea to my heart. I had never met a writer, had shown no previous urge to write, and hadn’t a notion how to become a writer, but I loved stories and thought that making up stories must surely be almost as much fun as reading them. Best of all, though, and what really gladdened my heart, was the ease of the writer’s life. Writers did not have to trudge through the town peddling from canvas bags, defending themselves against angry dogs, being rejected by surly strangers. Writers did not have to ring doorbells. So far as I could make out, what writers did couldn’t even be classified as work.这个想法还真打动了我的心。我虽然从没见过作家，以前也没显示出迫切的写作欲望，更不知道当作家是什么概念，但是我喜欢读小说，因此我想，编小说一定跟看小说一样有趣。不过，最重要又真正让我心花怒放的是作家那安逸的生活。作家无需在镇上四处奔劳兜售帆布包里的期刊；也无需提防着那些恶狗，不会遭粗暴无礼的陌生人拒绝。作家可不用去按门铃。就我所理解的作家而言，作家所做的事情归起类来甚至不能莫是一种工作。
37 I was enchanted. Writers didn’t have to have any gumption at all. I did not dare tell anybody for fear of being laughed at in the schoolyard, but secretly I decided that what I’d like to be when I grew up was a writer.我满心欢喜。作家根本就不需要什么上进心。因为担心在学校会被嘲笑，我不敢告诉任何人，但是私下里我意已决：长大了要当作家。
The Art of Friendship
Making Friends in Midlife
One evening a few years ago I found myself in a funk. Nothing was really wrong — my family and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful — I was just feeling vaguely down and in need of a friend who could raise my spirits, someone who would meet me for coffee and let me rant until the clouds lifted. Trouble was, there was no chum to call and confide in. Over the course of a few years all of my oldest, closest girlfriends had moved out of town, one by one, in search of better jobs, better weather, better men.几年前的一个晚上，我发现自己陷入惶恐之中。并不是真地出了什么事——我家和家人都身体健康，我的事业也蒸蒸日上——我只是有一种隐隐约约的沮丧感，想找个朋友鼓鼓劲，找个人，能和我喝杯咖啡，让我尽情倾诉，直到阴霾散尽。问题在于，没有这样的好友可以打电话，可以交心。几年之间，与我交往最久，相知最深的女友，都一个接一个搬离了这个城，或是为了更好的工作，或是为了更好的气候，或是为了更好的男人。
I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in California, and got her voice mail. That’s when it started to dawn on me — lonesomeness was at the root of my dreariness. My social life had dwindled to almost nothing, but somehow until that moment I’d been too busy to notice. Now it hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood, knew everything about me; when they had taken my context with them.我给我最好的朋友打了电话，她现在住在加利福尼亚那一边，我收到了她的语音留言。就在那时，我突然明白过来——寂寞就是我感到沮丧的根源。我的社交生活已经减至几乎为零，而我一向很忙，直至此刻才察觉到这一点。这给了我很大的打击。我从大学乃至小学就拥有的故交挚友，他们了解我的一切，当他们离开的时候，将我同他们的交情也带走了。
Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social isolation on one’s health. But my concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel understood right then in the way that only a girlfriend can understand you. I knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends: He couldn’t, and even if he could, to whom wounld I then complain about my husband?已经有研究显示社交孤立会对人的健康产生长期的负面影响。但我关心的是更为短期的事情。我需要那种只有女朋友才能给我的理解。我明白，指望的丈夫能够取代我的朋友是错误的。他做不到，即使他能做到，要是我想抱怨丈夫，我又去找谁呢？
So I resolved to acquire new friends — women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling their eyes at the world a little bit just as I did. Since I’d be making friends with more intention than I’d ever given the process, I realized I could be selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The downside, of course, was that I felt pretty initimidated.所以我决定去结交新的朋友——和我一样有孩子、又对外面的世界很感兴趣的女士。同以往相比，这样的交友更具目的性，这使我意识到我可以有更多的选择，实际上，我可以设计我自己的社交生活。差劲的是，不消说，我太担惊受怕。
After all, it’s a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife than it is when you’re younger — a fact women I’ve spoken with point out again and again. As Lesile Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater direcror and mother sees it, when you’re in your teens and 20s, you’re more or less friends with everyone unless there’s a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly due to proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. “There are many people I’m comfortable around, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isn’t enough to sustain a real friendship,” Danzig says.毕竟，同年轻时比，人到中年结交朋友要艰难得多。这是我与之交谈过的女士们一遍又一遍指出的事实。正如莱斯里・丹齐克，一位41岁的芝加哥戏剧导演兼母亲，所观察到的，当你十几岁或是二十几岁时，除非有特殊原因，你同任何人都有着或多或少的交情。大学室友能成为你最好的朋友，至少有一部分的原因是因为空间距离的接近。现在要成为朋友则需要理由。“我同周围的许多人相处愉快，但还没达到叫他们朋友的地步。相处愉快并不足以维持一段真正的友谊。”丹泽说到。
At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldn’t run up to people the way my 4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, “Will you be my friend?” “Every time you start a new relationship, you’re vulnerable again,” agrees Kathkeen Hall, founder and CEO of the Stress Institute, in Atlanta. “You’re asking, ‘Would you like to come into my life?’ It makes us self-conscious.一开始，寻找新伴侣让人感到尴尬。在40岁的年龄，我不可能像我岁的女儿在操场上做的那样，跑到别人面前问“你愿意做我的朋友吗？”“每开始一段新的友谊，你又会很敏感”凯瑟琳・霍尔，亚特兰大职业压力协会的创始人兼首席执行官也有同感，“在询问‘你愿意和我往来吗？’时，我们会感到很难为情。”
Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerability risk was actually pretty low. If someone didn’t take me up on my offer, so what: I wasn’t in junior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I have amassed
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