英语幽默句子.doc

幽默的英语句子
1) Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
2) One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。 3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
4)Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个女人。
6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）
11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "
现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。
13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "
"努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。
15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
"工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。
16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
17)When two‘s company, three‘s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！
18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？

1.国外有个节目采访lord of ring（指环王）里面那个小哈比人时，他讲了个冷笑话：
Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，没有眼睛，应该叫什么？）
A: I don’t know ,what is it？（我不知道，该叫什么？）

Q: no eye deer……(no idea)（没眼睛鹿……没主意（英语口语的谐音））
agian, a deer has no eyes, no legs, what's its name？（那么，一只鹿，没眼睛，也没有腿，该叫什么？）
A: I don’t know, what's it then？（我还是不知道，应该叫什么？）
Q: still no idea……”（还是没眼睛鹿（用了谐音））

2.某次英文考试有两道题目：
　　1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
　　2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
　　正确答案应为：
　　1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
　　2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
　　但是某生的答案是：
　　1）Shit!
　　2）Hello?

3老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money，并让同学们翻译。
　　有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”

4小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
　老师说：Go ahead.
　小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
　老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
　小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！

5某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu．
　外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！

6江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。
　外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."
　翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
　翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"
　外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
　　江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
　　翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."

7一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY ‘I LOVE YOU!!’SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
　男的答道：“IT!”

8某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
　　忙说：I am sorry.
　　老外应道：I am sorry too.
　　某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
　　老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
　　某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

9某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
　　签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
　　该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
　　男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.

和“Kiss”有关的词汇
kiss-ass n.马屁精,谄媚者, 奉承
　　kiss good-bye 吻别, 放弃,失去
　　kiss of death n.死神之吻，乍看有益但会导致毁灭的行为
　　kiss of life n.生命之吻
　　kiss of live n.口对口人工呼吸
　　kiss of peace [宗] 接吻礼,团结友爱的接吻
　　kiss the rod v.甘心受罚
　　kiss the post v.吃闭门羹；为时过晚
　　blow a kiss 飞吻
　　vacuum kiss 真空吻（*ing the air out of one’s partner’s mouth and lungs）
　　French kiss 法式接吻（kiss with your mouth open and your tongues touching）
　　Platonic kiss 柏拉图之吻（short kiss on the check for greeting）
　　Smooch v/n 热吻
　　Peck n 匆匆轻吻

经典英语绕口令
1. Canners can can what they can can but can not can things can't be canned.
　　2. Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.
　　3.Please, Paul, pause for applause.
　　4.“Shall I show you the shop for shoes and shirts?” Shirley said to shelly.
　　5.Do you agree, if you are free to come to tea with me by the sea?
　　6.Paul called from the hall that he had slipped on the floor and couldn't get to the door.
　　7.I'd buy my ties before the price begins to rise.
　　8.A snow-white swan swam swiftly to catch a slowly swimming snake in a lake.
　　9.It is a fine thing to sing in Spring, I think.
　　10.Famine and failure faced the frightened farmer.
　　11.I am amazed it is a craze these days to dance to music of Jazz.
　　12.In winter the weather in Wales is wild
　　13.I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.
　　14.Mike likes to write by the nice bright light at night.
15.Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

英语谚语500句 （A:51--100）
51) A man becomes learned by asking questions.
不耻下问才能有学问。
52) A man can do no more than he can.
凡事都应量力而行。
53) A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.
一心不能二用。
54) A man is known by his friends.
什么人交什么朋友。
55) A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
光说空话不做事，犹如花园光长刺。
56) A man without money is no man at all.
一分钱难倒英雄汉。
57) A merry heart goes all the way.
心旷神怡，事事顺利。
58) A miss is as good as a mile.
失之毫厘，差之千里。
59) A mother's love never changes.
母爱永恒。
60) An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
一天一苹果，不用请医生。
61) A new broom sweeps clean.
新官上任三把火。
62) An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
以眼还眼，以牙还牙。
63) An hour in the morning is worth two in the evening.
一日之计在于晨。
64) An old dog cannot learn new tricks.
老狗学不出新把戏。
65) An ounce of luck is better than a pound of wisdom.
聪明才智，不如运气。
66) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
预防为主，治疗为辅。
67) A rolling stone gathers no moss.
滚石不生苔，转业不聚财。
68) As a man sows, so he shall reap.
种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆。
69) A single flower does not make a spring.
一花独放不是春，百花齐放春满园。
70) A snow year, a rich year.
瑞雪兆丰年。
71) A sound mind in a sound body.
健全的精神寓于健康的身体。
72) A still tongue makes a wise head.
寡言者智。
73) A stitch in time saves nine.
小洞不补，大洞吃苦。
74) A straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe.
身正不怕影子斜。
75) A wise head makes a close mouth.
真人不露相，露相非真人。
76) A word spoken is past recalling.
一言既出，驷马难追。
77) A year's plan starts with spring.
一年之计在于春。
78) A young idler, an old beggar.
少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。
79) Bad news has wings.
好事不出门，坏事传千里。
80) Barking dogs seldom bite.
吠犬不咬人.
81) Beauty lies in the love's eyes.
情人眼里出西施。
82) Be swift to hear, slow to speak.
听宜敏捷，言宜缓行。
83) Better late than never.
不怕慢，单怕站。
84) Better to ask the way than go astray.
问路总比迷路好。
85) Between friends all is common.
朋友之间不分彼此。
86) Birds of a feather flock together.
物以类聚，人以群分。
87) Blood is thicker than water.
血浓于水。
88) Blood will have blood.
血债血偿。
89) Books and friends should be few but good.
读书如交友，应求少而精。
90) Business is business.
公事公办。
91) Business is the salt of life.
事业是人生的第一需要。
92) By reading we enrich the mind, by conversation we polish it.
读书使人充实，交谈使人精明。
93) Cannot see the wood for the trees.
一叶障目，不见泰山。
94) Care and diligence bring luck.
谨慎和勤奋才能抓住机遇。
95) Caution is the parent of safety.
小心驶得万年船。
96) Cheats never prosper.
骗人发不了财。
97) Children are what the mothers are.
耳濡目染，身教言传。
98) Choose an author as you choose a friend.
择书如择友。
99) Come what may, heaven won't fall.
做你的吧，天塌不下来。
100) Complacency is the enemy of study.
学习的敌人是自己的满足。

英语脑筋急转弯[11]
1.Who is closer to you， your mom or your dad？ 爸爸和妈妈谁和你更亲？
2.What month do soldiers hate？　当兵的不喜欢几月份？
3.How many feet are there in a yard？一码有多少英尺？
4.What is heavier in summer than in winter？什么东西夏天比冬天重？
5.What clothing is always sad？什么衣服总是伤感的？
6.How many legs do horses have？马有几条腿？
7.What fruit is never found singly？什么水果永远不会是单个的？
8.What kind of clothes lasts the longest？什么衣服穿得最久？
9.Does any child like going to school？有没有小孩子喜欢上学？
10.Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed？为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？
11.How can you make the door last？　怎样能使门经久耐用？
12.What’s the most difficult train to catch？赶什么火车最不容易？
13.Why do people go to bed？　人们为什么睡觉？
14. What letter do most people fear most？　大多数人最害怕什么字母？
15.What two words contain thousands of letters？哪两个单词包含了所有的字母？
16.Which state in the United States is round at both ends and high in the middle？
美国哪个州两头圆，中间高？
17.What’s the smallest room in the World？世界上什么房间最小？
18.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working？
工作时大烟囱对小烟囱说些什么？
19.How long is a shoe， usually？一般鞋有多长？
20.Which can move faster， heat or cold？　冷和热谁跑得快？
21.What comes before six？六前面是什么？
22.Who will be your real friend， a poor friend or a rich one？
　贫穷的朋友和富贵的朋友，谁会成为你真正的朋友？
23.What color is the wind？风是什么颜色？

Keys and notes　答案和注释:
1.Mom is closer， because dad is farther．　妈妈更亲，因为爸爸更远。
father父亲，音似farther更远
2.March．　三月。　　march n．行军
3.It depends on how many people stand in the　yard．这要看院子里站了多少人。
feet n．英尺；脚（pl．）yard n．院子；码
4.heavy adj．重的；交通量大的，繁忙的
5.Blue Jeans．　蓝色牛仔服。 blue adj．蓝色的；伤感的
6.six legs--forelegs in front and two in back．
有六条腿，前面有前腿，后面有两条腿。 forelegs n．前腿，音似four legs（四条腿）
7.A pear．是梨。音似 pair n．一对
8.Underwear， because it’s never worn out．是内衣，因为它永远不会穿在外面
worn out穿坏，磨损/穿在外面
9.Every child likes going to school． Most of them just hate staying there before going home．
　　每个孩子都喜欢去学校，大部分的孩子只不过不喜欢在回家之前呆在那儿罢了。
go to School有两种理解：①在学校读书，上学；②去学校，上学校
10.They make a little food go a long wag．
因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。
go a long way维持很长一段时间
11.Make other things first．　先做其他的东西。
make the door last另一种理解是：最后做门
12.The 12：50 train， because it’s ten to one if you catch it．
　　是12点50分的火车，因为赶上它只有10比1的概率。
ten to one 1点差10分；10比1
quarter/＇kw&:t/n．四分之一；二十五美分
13.Because the bed won’t come to us．因为床不会走向我们。
go to bed另一种理解是：走向床，走到床跟前
14.The letter E， because it’s the end of life．是字母E，
因为它是“life”这个单词末尾的字母。“It’s the end of life.”另一种理解是：它是生命的结束。
15.Post Office.　邮局。 letter n．信件；字母
16. Ohio．俄亥俄州。 Ohio两头是O，中间是hi，音似high。
17.A mushroom.是蘑菇。
18.“You’re too young to smoke．”“你还年轻，不该抽烟。”smoke v.抽烟；冒烟
19.A little more than a foot long．　一英尺多一点。
foot n．英尺；脚　“A little more than a foot long”实指“比脚长点点”。
20.Heat， because you can catch cold．热跑得快，因为你追得上冷。
cold n．冷；感冒　catch cold追上冷；患感冒
21.The milkman．　送牛奶的人。
“What comes before six？”　另一种理解是：什么在六点钟之前来？
22. A poor friend，
because a friend in need is a friend indeed．贫穷的朋友，因为患难之交是真情。
a friend in need患难之交 in need需要帮助，需要资助，穷困的
23. The wind blew风在吹 Blue．蓝色。

英语脑筋急转弯[10]
　　1. Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed?为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？
　　2. Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe?狗为什么害怕日光浴？
3. Why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃？
4、Why are politicians no longer concerned with snowball fights?政客们为什么不再关注打雪仗了？
　　5、Why don't women get bald as soon as men?为什么总是男人比女人先秃头？
　　6、What can pierce one's ears without a hole?什么东西不用打洞就可以在耳朵上穿孔？
　　7. What's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么？
　　8. Why does time fly?时间为何飞逝？
　　9. Where can a dog get another tail?狗去哪里可以再弄到一条尾巴？

　　Keys:
　　1. They make a little food go a long way.因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。
　　2. They don't want to be hot-dog.因为它们不想成为热狗。
　　3. He's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
　　4、The cold war is over.冷战结束了。
　　5、Because women wear hire longer.因为女人头发留得长。
　　6、Noice.噪音。
　　7. Smiles. Because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。
　　8. To get away from all those who are trying to kill it.为的是甩掉所有要谋杀它的人。
　　9. At a retail store.在零售商店。

Questions：
　　1.Will it rain for several days continuously？　　会不会连续几天阴雨连绵？
　　2.Who can raise things without lifting them？　　什么人不用举就能把东西抬起来？
　　3.What did the king cloud say to the rest of the clouds？　　云中之王对芸芸众生说什么？
　　4.Who is married to the First Lady？　　第一夫人嫁给了谁？

　　Keys：
　　1.Never， because there're nights in between.　　永远不会，因为白昼之间有黑夜隔开。
　　2.Farmers.　　农民。
　　3.“I'm the one who should rain here.”　　“我要在这里降雨。”
　　4.Adam.　　是亚当。
　　Notes：
　　1.day n.一天；一个白昼
　　continuously adv.连续不断地
　　2.raise举起，抬起；饲养，种植
　　3. rain v.下雨，音似reign v.统治
　　4.the First Lady第一夫人，总统夫人
　　the first lady第一位女士，指夏娃

　　Questions：
　　1.What does the man who just had his face shaved resemble？　　刚刚修过胡须的男人像什么？
　　2.Why did the farmer take his chicken to task？　　农夫为什么训斥小鸡？
　　3.How do we know the ocean is friendly？　　人们如何知道海洋是友好的呢？
　　Keys：
　　1.A bear.　　像熊。
　　2.Because they use foul language.　　因为它们说脏话。
　　3.It waves.　　它总是招手致意。
　　Notes：
　　1.resemble v.与…相像
　　bear n.熊，音似bare adj.光秃秃的，无遮盖的
　　bare-faced面孔干干净净，没有胡须的
　　bear-faced脸和熊一样的
　　2.foul adj.脏的，音似fowl n.家禽
　　3.wave v.起波浪；招手致意
Questions：
　　1.How did the hangman get married？　　绞刑吏是怎么结婚的？
　　2.Why did little Tom put his brother's guitar in the refrigerator？　　小汤姆为什么把他哥哥的吉他放在冰箱里？
　　3.Why is the inside of everything so mysterious？　为什么说凡事内部都神秘莫测？
　　Keys：
　　1.He tied a knot.　　他打了一个结。
　　2.Because he enjoyed cool music.　　因为他爱听美妙的音乐。
　　3.Because you can never make them out.　　因为你永远也不能弄懂它们。
　　Notes：
　　1.hangman n.绞刑吏，刽子手
　　tie a knot打一个结；缔结良缘
　　2.refrigerator n.电冰箱（也可写作fridge或者icebox）
　　cool adj.凉的，冷的；棒的，超级的，美妙的
　　3.make them out有两层意思：①把它们变到外面来；②弄懂它们，看清它们
　　mysterious adj.难理解的，神秘的

Questions：
　　1.Why is a coward like a leaky faucet？　　为什么说胆小鬼和漏水的笼头一样？
　　2.Why should we never ask balloons for advice？为什么我们绝不向汽球征求意见？
　　3.What band can't play music？　　什么乐队不会演奏音乐？
　　Keys：
　　1.They both run.　　因为它们都会溜走。
　　2.They are full of hot air.　　因为它们里面全是热空气。
　　3.Rubber band.　　橡皮筋。
　　Notes：
　　1.coward n.懦夫，胆小鬼　　faucet n.水笼头　　leaky adj.漏的，有漏洞的
　　run v.跑，溜走；流动，流（水）
　　2.hot air热空气；吹牛，胡说
　　3.band n.乐队，吹奏乐队；带子，绳子　　rubber band橡皮筋

　　Questions：
　　1.Do audience ever steal anything？　　听众会偷东西吗？
　　2.What will the farmer grow in his garden if he doesn't mind working hard？　　假如一个农夫不在乎劳动有多辛苦，他会在园子里种什么？
　　Keys：
　　1.Yes，when they take the floor.　　当他们发言时就会这样做。
　　2.He will grow tired.　　他会累的。
　　Notes：
　　1.audience n.听众，观众
　　take the floor有两种理解：①词组真正的含义是“发言”；②在答案中可理解为“拿走地板”。
　　2.grow v.种植；变得…

1) If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
2) Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
3) What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
4) Where do you