雅思作文批改经典版.doc

TASK 1
The charts below show the number of Japanese Tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The data shows the number of Japanese traveling abroad from 1985 to 1995遇到十年的时候，也可以换成 in a decade
, as well as its proportion in Australia during this period.

It can be seen from the first graph that the period saw a generally increasing number of tourist traveling outside Japan. It increased gradually from about 5 million in 1985 to 11 million in 1990. From then on, it experienced a 3 years’ fluctuation between approximately 10.5 million and 12 million. After that, the number backed to its speed of rising and reached the highest point in 1995 at about 15.5 million.

The second graph illustrates that the 2% Japanese tourists visited Australia in 1985 and this number climbed to about 4.8% in 1988. Then it experienced a drop in the next year and dipped to 4.2%. After this point, the proportion increased again and countinious修饰形容词要用副词，改为continuously
until 1993, reaching the peak at 6.2%. From 1994 to 1995, it slightly declined to 6%.

To recap, the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad experiences注意整体时态是过去时，改为experienced
an increased trend也可以换成 an upward trend
from 1985 to 1995. It was the same for the share of Australia except a year’s drop from 1988 to 1989.

总点评：
整体结构
文章按照开头、主题和结尾三部分展开，符合小作文的基本架构

文章逻辑
因为两图并没有直接联系，本文采用一图一段的分组方法，简单明确主要数据描述规范、清晰，但是要注意数据不需要全部读出，只需要找到特征数字写出即可。
语言运用
用到了上课所讲的线图的高分词汇表达，提出表扬，但文中有三个experience，可以将其中一个换成witness

本篇文章得分: Good